Smacking still legal

[LittleSarah]

Well

Smacking is still legal in the UK... why is it so when I know so many are against it? On mumsnet anyway? Is it such a terrible thing, or just an unfortunate disciplinary tool?

Another think I don't understand is when people say they need to smack children because they are about to do something dangerous. It's as if the country is full of children putting their fingers into electric sockets and running into roads and the only thing you can do to stop them is to smack them! Could someone explain? Or not?

i think smacking is abuse. It may be a milder form of abuse but it is abuse all the same. Why on earth would you smack a child when you couldn't possibly do the same to an adult. I remember being smacked as a child. My mother was not a horrible person, she was lovely, but under stress. I remember every incident when she smacked me, and remember the shock and pain and feeling of bewilderment. It did affect my relationships with her. Smacking does not make children learn how to do something the right way. It just breeds fear.

Seeker, if A CHILD RUNS INTO THE ROAD where do you time out in the tesco car park? It is very difficult to have a deep and meaningful discussion about actions when you are guiding a trolley with one hand and trying to control an unruely toddler in the other A smack is a shock tactic designed to instantly make the child realise they have done something severely wrong/dangerous. It is the consequence for running off.

I hasten to add that I agree with the hoarsewhisperer on her posts.

I also must point out that tapping children for every misdemeanor undervalues its effectiveness. I therefore will only use it if there is no alternative to provide consequence to actions, appropriate to the situation at that time. I have never tapped dd without fair warning for her to stop the behaviour, therefore, if she chooses to continue, she chooses tapped hands.

oh please don't use disingenuous words like 'tapping'.

re: the danger zone

For instance - and I agree it's each to their own but how I chose to do it was this -

Child crawls towards fire/ oven/ something hot/ dangerous. I quickly shouted 'NO' and gave a quick smack on the hand, it hurts but does not leave burns and scalds. Child then associates fire with pain and doesn't do it again.

With dd1 I tried just shouting and it didn't work but with a smack did, but dd2 only ever needed the shout as that was enough of a deterrent. All children are very different but I don't think anyone has the right to tell me whether or not I can smack my children, just as I can't tell people not to feed them unhealthy foods or smoke around them.

Child abuse is already illegal and as many posters have said, making smacking illegal will never stop the abusers in our society.

I think that a child too young to understand that a fire is hot and will burn is too young to remember that they were smacked the last time and to not do it again. It is our responsibility to keep them safe when they are too young to keep themselves safe.

I find it amusing that people use the argument "you wouldn't smack an adult so why smack a child".

Well, call me Mrs Weirdy McWeird from Weirdsville, but I don't send adults to sit on a naughty step either, nor do I give them time out. I don't take away pasta from their jars and I don't rescind their TV right, ground them or force them to eat their vegetables.

Ruty is there a difference between a tap on a hand and a smack (leaving a mark) on a childs rear and a wallop around a childs head? Yes is definately the answer.

Where does the line between smacking a child and being phsyically agressive begin and end though?
I have grabbed my child and pulled them round to look at me, I have held their faces to me when I am trying to make them listen, I have picked them up an dalmost thrown them in their buggy/car seat/bed when they are being really naughty surely that is only one step away from smacking?

FWIW, I too was hit badly as a child, with belts and brushes and fists, it means that I probably understand how it makes a child feel more than others, but it doesnt make me against smacking as such.

What I cant stand is when I see some poor kid kciking off in tescos or whereever and mum clouting them (shouldnt mum be the one thats wrong for not being able to parent her child well enough that this is the end result??) , IMO that is child abuse, as is getting right in a childs face and screaming and shouting at them. Making a child scared is worse than a smack on the bum.

i think the rowdy behaviour in schools has a lot more to do with children watching so much violence and anti social behaviour on TV and on computer games at an early age. Also, in our society today the self and the individual are praised as the only thing worth valuing. Society is breaking down as a result. Teaching children the importance of community, good manners and justice are much more important that threatening them with a big stick.

seeker, I disagree with the remembering about the smack. My dd is 21mths and when she first started tipping her plate up she got 2 warnings of getting tapped hands if she continued. I have tapped her hands (to shock, not hurt her or leave red hands)once. She now never tips her plate up and just hands it to me or dh when she has had enough.
From my experience it worked. The warning is now enough and I don't ned to do the tap anymore.

I think Lorayn is absolutely right, you know yourself whether you are disciplining a child or taking your temper out on them and that's the difference.

I had a similar experience to Lorayn so know full well what the difference is. My Mum smacked us and her methods were effective and fair; my Dad's weren't. I emulated my Mum's methods with my own dcs and they are both fine with no 'nasties'.

I 'tap' my fingers on the computer keys. you are deliberately using a verb that ameliorates your real meaning.

You tap a nail in with a hammer too.

yes with a hammer not with your hands.

I never 'tapped' mine, they were smacked.

Wisty genuflects, turns and awaits the firing squad

well at least you're honest.

My point being that clearly "tap" has different meanings. Here's one

• to strike with a light but audible blow or blows; hit with repeated, slight blows

i don't think tori looked up the definition when she used the verb. I think she used the verb [subconciously maybe] to make tapping sound better than smacking, rapping, hitting etc. 'Smacking lightly' is more honest than 'tapping'.

Anyway,let me repost something I said earlier as it seems to have been misssed:

I find it amusing that people use the argument "you wouldn't smack an adult so why smack a child".

Well, call me Mrs Weirdy McWeird from Weirdsville, but I don't send adults to sit on a naughty step either, nor do I give them time out. I don't take away pasta from their jars and I don't rescind their TV right, ground them or force them to eat their vegetables.

So, she couldn't possibly have know the meaning of the word before using it...?[ hmm]

For me a tap means hitting my fingers firmly onto her fingers twice.
Smacking for me is an action where I would raise my hand back and hit forcefully with the palm of my hand. I tap not smack.

do you do it to cause discomfort, mild pain? Or is it some kind of sign language then?

but my point is, yes I smacked and apart from one occasion (as I have already admitted) I don't regret it.

The fact is my children are fine, they don't have issue with having been smacked, they are both fairly grown up now and I only used smacking as a form of punishment when I could find no other way of disciplining/ keeping them safe.

Maybe you are all better parents, maybe you just have more patience but I know my children's wellbeing comes above anything in my life and what they eat, exercise we take, manners etc reflects that. The fact that they were smacked for going close to the building works on the house or fire etc was not child abuse IMVHO just common sense.

Wisty being all militant

Its a shock to the system, it is enough to make them feel it, but not enough to cause severe pain, you know exactly what she is saying ruty you are just being pedantic.
Picking up on the word instead of the action, great way to get your point across.