Madeleine McCann

[morningpaper]

Instead of starting lots of new posts about Madeleine, could I politely request that anyone who wants to post on the subject please post on this one thread? (N.B. Duplicate threads may be flamed hysterically.)

Please note that this thread is not to criticise Madeleine's parents or family, as this is not in the spirit of Mumsnet.

Please can I take the liberty to quote from this article:

"This is the real life of Kate and Gerry McCann, and it must now have become a place of agony beyond all understanding. Pity them, if you have any compassion at all, and demonstrate the minimum of grace: the ability to desist from judgment."

They are in the worst possible position. They have to move forward and try and live a normal life for the sake of their other children, but they cannot seek closure because this would be letting Madeleine down if she is still alive. My heart goes out to them, as it has every day since I first heard the news. My son is almost four, and I look at him sometimes and the whole thing just makes me want to weep. I felt the same way as he approached three, and some articles about James Bulger came up in the news.

The only hope as far as I can see is that either the person who stole her finds some kind of conscience and lets someone know what happened and where she is. Or that a suspicious friend/relative comes forward. In the meantime, I would support any fundraising efforts by the McCanns including a book or film.

I didn't really want to get drawn into speculation about evidence, but there have been some strange things said about Jane Tanner's sighting. To me, this was always crucial. Either she made a mistake and didn't see what she said she saw (unlikely), she was part of a conspiracy along with the McCanns (unlikely), it was an unconnected man and child (virtually impossible given all the coverage) or she was telling the truth and tragically this meant that she witnessed the abduction. I read that when she first heard that Madeleine had gone missing, she was told that she was wearing white pyjamas and was greatly relieved because it meant that she hadn't seen her being carried away. Then she was told that in fact the pyjamas were the colour she had seen, and she was devastated that it must have been Madeleine.

I have only read the most recent page of this thread. I think I will post and then move away. The death of a child is utterly life changing, soul destroying, mesmirising, revolting, weird.

Personally I only have to look into their eyes and I know they had nothing to do with the disappearance of Maddi. How awful must everyday be for them. I am 'lucky' I have a grave to visit to 'be with' my two sons. They have speculation, gossip, the brigade that shout 'I would never do that.' They know their failings as Im sure each and every one of us do.

My heart is heavy for all of them like it has been every day since Madeline disappeared.

Very sad to read your post shabster.

Kimi, I think my post may have crossed with yours, but I thought your comments were just right and put across the points I was trying to make in a much better way.

All love and sympathy to the McCanns and to Madeleine.

Well today apparently Kate Mc is blaming the fact that they had no buggy on the decision to leave the children alone . They are unbelievable.

www.the3arguidos.net/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=11244&hilit=blame+buggy

MrsGuy, what are you on?

Talk about taking a statement out of context!

READ THE ARTICLE, of course they're not blaming it on a buggy or lack of one; they are just saying that was a factor taken into account when deciding where to eat. So what?

For crying out loud, who needs the DM....

MrsGuyOfGisbourne - for goodness sake; have you got nothing better to do with your time? They are grieving parents, a year on still looking for their baby, still wondering what has happened to her. Can't you move on and leave them to it - than raking up every comment they make and having a dig.

I normally avoid this thread but clicked by acident. Your post really did bug me. It is like the gutter press type comments.

They made a mistake when leaving the children. I, for one, have made many, many mistakes through the journey of parenthood.
It is easy for others to look in on the situation and comment. Unfortunatly it wont bring Maddie back.

I made a massive mistake at Christmas 1991. I bought my two sons a bike each. Then in the following May I allowed them to ride on the quiet road outside our house. Then (it feels like this) I made the mistake of not warning them about the reversing lorry. Then it reversed and I made the mistake of not being able to save my son from being crushed to death.

There will not be one single minute, or hour, or day since they left the children that they have not tortured themselves with 'if onlys'. They know they made a wrong decision. However, some weird nutcase, made an even worse decision and decide to abduct Maddie.

There for the grace of God go I..........and also each and every other mother on this planet.

shabster, I don't know what to say. How awful I'm so sorry.

Shabster , how awful for you. I too don't know what to say, but.... hugs, BIG hugs anyway

Thank you for your posts.

I just know that her parents have not had anything to do with her disappearance. I saw her mum on tv and her eyes are just dead and forlorn. As I said before they know what they did was wrong BUT debating over that and name calling will have no positive result or outcome.

I sat on a bus once with two old ladies behind me. I knew everybody on the bus except these two. All the way into town they discussed my sons death...they said 'it will be one of those single parents' (Im not) she will have been about 15 when she had him (I was 27) these parents today dont care about their children (I did) they went on and on. It was only a short time after the funeral and I didn't have the guts to shout at them. It does not help to throw accusations around - never.

Oh Shabster I am so sorry.

Thanks everybody - I didn't mean to make everybody sad. Just needed to say we only know what the right decisions are in hindsight.

......and that is why I love and respect Shabs.

Shabseter, thank you for sharing your experiences. YOu have a wonderful inner strength, although I expect you feel like falling apart most of the time. For my part out of sheer despair, pain and anger I would have confronted the ladies on the bus. I do hope you have forgiven yourself and dealt with your pain. I would like to say it really wasnt your fault.... but I expect a lot of people have told you that and that you will not accept that to be the truth. Words do not come easily when such a tradegy happens, especially so when children are involved, and the parents need comforting. And so my heart goes out to you, and so do my prayers.

My children are the most dearest, wonderful, beautiful, precious beings that I have been given the privelege of bringing up and looking after. I too have followed the McCann story since Madeleine disappeared, and I too believe that the parents are innocent.

I hope, I really do hope that she is returned soon, OR if she is not alive anymore, that this can be found out and Closure brought for the parents.

Thanks everybody - I didn't mean to make everybody sad. Just needed to say we only know what the right decisions are in hindsight.

Sorry didnt mean to post twice - and thank you Tiggs x

I agree shabster. I wish bad persons didn´t exist, in Portugal, in Britain, in Austria...Someone took Madeleine and I don´t believe her parents did nothing but the mistake of a bad decision. I wish she could return - she is so pretty and everyone needs a happy end to hapen sometimes.

Shabster, I am so sorry about what you have been through. I do believe that parents are blamed for everything bad that happens now, nothing can be an accident or a one off. When I was young I was allowed to go off into the woods by myself, explore the area on my bike, my parents left me in the car while they did shopping etc, but people did not think about things in the same way then. We went camping and I was left on my own in the tent at night. These things were very common and it was and is so rare for anything to happen. Now if a child has an accident at school someone is to blame and the school can even get sued.

On a different note, I do think it is strange for a family with 3 children under the age of 3 to go on a holiday without a buggy. How could they go anywhere or do anything?

Frankie, your camping comment reminded me of the case (I think about 10 years ago in Wales) in which some children were camping overnight in their back garden, and an intruder jumped over the fence from a neighbouring public footpath and took a young girl. This is another example of extreme bad luck.

With regard to the McCanns, I personally wouldn't read too much into the puschair issue. I think a lot of people choose these type of resorts because they have a nursery and all facilities close to hand and they don't really plan to go out of the resort much if at all (I'm not like this but I have come across other people on holiday who are). If they had wanted to take all 3 children out to dinner with them until late then they would have needed a double buggy and a single buggy and this would have been quite a lot to take on holiday with them.

shabster.

I think they are looking for reasons to explain why they left the children as they know they shouldn't have done it. I am much more paranoid about my children being out of my sight since Madeleine went (my DD looks similar and is 4 also) and parenting is all about calculated risks. Some people risk something someone else wouldn't. It is just the way life is.

It's a horrible thing but when they say they don't want anyone else to go through what they have, I feel like shouting at the tv that I doubt there are many people who would have left their children alone. It isn't as if they could hear the kids from where they ate.

Can you imagine how the world would feel if she was found alive?

NaB - I agree if she were found alive there would be biggest impromptu street party ever.
The thing is, while they are parading about with their amber alert stuff, this is just another red herring, and the real message to get across is do not leave toddlers unattended, which they have never explicitly said - presumably as this would be an admission of neglect, which they could still be charged with, and their lawyers will have have warned them against it. But if they were genuine about preventing the disappearance of other children, rather than saving their own skins, they would do it. Much simpler and more effective in PREVENTING tragedy than simply tracking the criminals AFTER the event!

My 10yr old son wore a security alarm on a necklace for our entire holiday in Greece last year. He accidentally set it off a couple of times and it would make your ears bleed it was so loud.

We all subconciously searched for Maddie all the time we were there. Kept hoping we would find her.

There were still several families who were letting their children have siestas in the apartments while they stayed around the pool. I just sat up the whole time watching their apartments and wanting to scream at them.

Won't happen to us syndrome.

I have always been a worrier and assume something bad will happen so are quite cotton woolly with my kids and age appropriate. I am letting them grow up but only to a safe degree. For example, Ds1, age 7, wants to walk home from school alone. No way but I will let him put the bin out.