Couple angry over surrogate DNA mix up - don't want child because of their race. Opinions?

[tirednhungry247]

Surrogate gives birth to wrong child after hospital mix-up
mol.im/a/7369307

So saddened and shocked for the family expecting and the little baby. What do we think is the right thing to do here?

@StockTakeFucks this is a really valid comment

I think it's wrong to buy and sell children. It's not an unusual opinion. Surrogacy is banned completely in some European countries.

Sorry I can't do proper links

www.google.co.uk/amp/amp.abc.net.au/article/11417388

What does the mother say about it? God only knows if he’s saying get rid of your baby.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-47826356

My links is why I have issues with it, nothing to do with God or messing with genetics. Even if the cases were few and far between,these are babies not a faulty hoover. Babies that are abandoned,rejected,separated from their twin,left to die,"ordered" to die. And that's just the ones we know about.

I don't think his feelings are all that surprising. They decided they wanted a child that was genetically theirs, so went to the expense and trouble to find a surrogate that could achieve that (regardless of whether you agree with surrogacy, and I don't, that's the process). To then find that the child is genetically not yours, will be devastating. You haven't got what you signed up for.

Those parents will forever be questioned over the difference in race between the baby and the parents. People may assume they adopted, or that the wife had an affair. If they had adopted, or the wife had an affair, that's life. But they wanted a baby that was theirs, that was like them, that people would assume came about because they had sex one day and sperm + egg = baby.

I couldn't give up a child that I brought in to the world, whatever the circumstances (and I say that as the mother of 3 children, 2 with SN, and declined triple test/nuchal fold, etc., because I wouldn't have an amnio if the results came back high risk). But I can understand the devastation of not getting what you thought you were getting, and this couple went through a process to get what they wanted.

Just more selfish people wanting little copies of themselves. I find it terribly vain! There are 153 million orphans on the planet and people are still obsessed with reproducing their genes!

Italy, France, Germany, Austria, Denmark Norway, Sweden, Finland, Poland Portugal, Switzerland and Spain all ban surrogacy completely they are hardly backward countries

I think it should be banned for all

it's easy for people who have a few naturally conceived children to judge This. When all you want is to be a mother and you have suffered heartbreaking loss after loss, that's selfish?
Its so easy to see on this thread who can and can't conceive naturally. Its literally an innate evolutionary instinct to want your own child.

@StockTakeFucks

Right!

Many unreported stories of exploitation in many African countries by British and American parents. I don't think your right to be a parent should create and support a system that exploits vulnerable women and leads to abandoned babies. 1 abandoned baby is 1 too many, all it takes is 1.

When the "order" is not right the parents want to take it back or get a refund.

Loch however that natural instinct seems to fade when the baby has a disability. Weird that.

One little girl's parents/dad asked for her to be taken off life support!! She's still alive now but in an institution.

however that natural instinct seems to fade when the baby has a disability

WTF are you on about?!

Its literally an innate evolutionary instinct to want your own child.

So those of us who don't want children are somehow unnatural? Nah. For as long as humans have existed some people couldn't have children. I'm glad we have ivf to help people where possible. But surrogacy (especially paid surrogacy) is just wrong. Women's health should not be put at risk to satisfy the desires of other people. Babies should not be bought and sold.

@tirednhungry247 - I think we all have the right to be parents

Nobody has the right to be a parent. Problems like this occur when parenthood is seen as a right.

Etty since parents have abandoned and rejected surrogate babies due to disabilities,or only picked one twin where does this "innate evolutionary instinct to want your own child." come in?

The story looks a bit suspicious given its actually based solely on a deleted anonymous social media post.

However it absolutely highlights the way surrogacy is all about the wants of wealthier adults who can afford to pay a less wealthy woman for the use of her body (and even "altruistic" stranger surrogacy is this when it boils down to it, the pay is just worse) and the baby is simply a purchased, made to order commodity.

It's the only area in which the rights of the child are put second to the wants of adults, and baffling that such an anomaly should be legal in countries signed up to the UN convention on the righrs of the child. Interestingly every type of surrogacy completely illegal in some first world countries.

@LochJessMonster - Its literally an innate evolutionary instinct to want your own child.

That is the case for the human race in general, as otherwise we would have died out. However, that still doesn't give anyone the right to be a parent. The assumption that it is a right has led to a corrupt industry that exploits the most vulnerable. Babies kidnapped and sold for adoption in the developing world, desperate woman renting out their wombs. The assumption that it is your right to be a parent leads to babies being seen as commodities.

For starters the authenticity of this case it's self is questionable, besides that I would like to remind some of you we aren't her to bash people who have used other means to conceive or become a parent. If you can't contribute a meaningful possible resolution to this case don't comment at all. Ffs why you we always have to come on here and slag each other off behind our phones! Shit bags mind your own business, fucking parent police!

Get a job or find someone else to vent at on your break

tirednhungry247 what are you talking about? You aren't the thread police. You started a thread about surrogacy using a dubious daily mail story with a dodgy source, the only topic up for discussion is surrogacy, given the specific story is sketchy.

Nobody has bashed anyone. There have been no personal attacks.

Surrogacy is a very controversial issue indeed and very ethically questionable in terms of women's and children's rights and exploitation. It is absolutely necessary and appropriate that it be rigourously debated in the public domain.

Well said @nothingsreallynewunderthesun. Surrogacy is abhorrent - women & children treated as commodities for those who feel their desires are their absolute right. Women (& particularly poor women) deserve better.

If the baby is biologically the mother’s then the mother has to take ownership of the child or pay maintenance per US law. Surrogacy laws are really strict there. I’m guessing, however, that if leaving the baby is even on the table that the baby probably isn’t genetically related to either biological parent. In that situation, when you have entered an agreement with an IVF clinic, and mistakes are made there is no legal requirement for any of the three parties involved to keep the baby. A lot of US surrogates in this situation put the baby up for adoption / foster care.

Teddybear45 a lot of US surrogates in this situation put the baby up for adoption/ foster care

A lot!

Do you have a source for your information?

The foster care system is the return policy for faulty products of commercial surrogacy - babies made to order, bought and paid for, oops, got the order wrong, shove them into the notorious US child services system, nobody's problem!

Bloody hell, and the OP thinks surrogacy is fine and nobody should be allowed to question the ethics of it!

Of course it’s a direct result of surrogacy. My dd didn’t particularly look like me at birth but if someone had announced 5 minutes after that there’d been a fuck up and I’d had someone’s eggs or embryo implanted, and she wasn’t genetically mine, I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck, she was my baby because I’d carried her. Strictly speaking that would be impossible as it was natural conception and birth. But I can’t imagine someone who had ivf wanting to give back a baby they’d carried either if it turned out to be a mistake.

Ditto mothers who used a donor egg, they’ve carried that baby and the genetics are irrelevant. And adoption, where the bonding process might be different, but the parent has still been actively involved in the difficulties and process to becoming the parent, the love for the individual is there, not the love of your replicated genes or a dream of the perfect child to round off their life.

Surrogacy you are bonding with an ideal or want, with no real involvement so it’s easier to walk away if the result doesn’t live up to your dream.

@tirednhungry247 - we aren't her to bash people who have used other means to conceive or become a parent........Ffs why you we always have to come on here and slag each other off behind our phones! Shit bags mind your own business, fucking parent police!

Rather ironic post. You are bashing people because you believe they are bashing people!

I think, based on the link you posted, it is perfectly reasonable to critique surrogacy. Surrogacy and international adoptions (I'm not familiar with UK national adoptions so can't comment on that) are very open to exploitation and corruption. Attitudes such as yours (i.e. people having a right to be a parent) lead to this type of corruption and exploitation. When having a child is seen as a right, the child then becomes a commodity.