Bottle feeding mum asked to leave breast feeding cafe

[Dawnybabe]

In my local paper, the Eastern Daily Press, of Norfolk, they ran a story about a mum who had, through a friend, been asked by a member of staff at a PCT run breast feeding cafe not to return because she had bottle fed her four month old son. Please tell me I'm not the only one absolutely incandescant with rage over this? Apparently she had a medical reason for bottle feeding as well. Aren't the staff being as bigoted as the general public who force the need for a breast feeding cafe in the first place? Surely the attitude should be that you are safe to feed there however you like without any prejudice? There is enough pressure and guilt forced on bottle feeding mums as it is without staff who should know better joining in the witch hunt.

no, they shouldn't as these types of cafes are for women who are breastfeeding. mixed feeding means a woman is also bf.

but why would a woman who is empathetic to bf (as i suppose a mixed feeder would be) see it as appropriate to whip out a bottle of formula at a bf support group?

It's a breastfeeding support group. The 'cafes' "were set up as drop-in centres to give help and advice to pregnant and breastfeeding mums, their supporters and partners." NOT for social gatherings!

It isn't a public cafe.

"was told it would be "inappropriate" to bottle-feed there and asked if the visit was a one-off."

So, she was not thrown out nor was she told not to visit again.

They are for people wtih feeding *difficulties"

actually this is what a breastfeeding or baby cafe is for:
Charitable Objects
The objects of the charity are:

To promote the physical and psychological health of mothers and children through education in the techniques of, and the provision of training regarding breastfeeding.

To advance the education of the public and especially those persons concerned with the care of the children on the health benefits both immediate and long term of breastfeeding.

The advancement of education among voluntary staff working in this area by the provision of relevant training.

It's not supposed to be a free coffee and a bit of social for anyone who fancies it.

ABsolutely Aloha.

Although the social aspect and peer support is vital to the mothers attending. But only with a view to them not feel isolated in their struggles, problems, insecurities regarding breastfeeding.

because some mixed feeders do so because they are uncomfortable breastfeeding in public. or they might have to whip out the formula cos their child needs a top up.

having now read the article, I don't know what on earth they were doing there in the first place apart from angling for a free cup of tea/chat with their mates. not the place to go for a social and if this bf 'cafe' is anything like the surestart groups near us it would be utterly bizarre for a group of mums to arrange to meet up there after a baby massage group for a bit of a natter. I suspect there might be a bit of 'chip on shoulder' aspect to this story "The cafés are absolutely brilliant for breast- feeding mums but there's not the same level of support for those who bottle feed." perhaps they should ask norfolk pct to set up a bottle feeding support group cafe on a different day then

Perhaps a name change would be helpful. Calling it a cafe rather implies a coffee morning type set up.

yeah, on balance, I think it's an out-of-proportion blow-up, really. I was ticked off about it myself at first, being a reluctant bottle feeder, and having faced no end of nastiness about it from many quarters.

But it isn't a 'cafe' in the normal sense of things, and I can understand a support group having these kinds of boundaries.

But I do agree with those who have said that this 'us and them' thing about feeding is deeply unhelpful and hurtful.

I am completely shocked by this.
I have been to a local breastfeeding cafe when ds was small and we were having problems.
It is basically a place you can go to meet other breastfeeding mums, and also speak to BFC's and health visitors about problems you are having.
They sell tea and coffee and cake and stuff. There were quite a few people there with toddlers, who weren't bf-ing any more but just liked to go for the community. There were also bottle feeding mums who had started off breastfeeding but given up but who still wanted to be part of the group due to the friends they had made there.

To throw someone out simply because they were bottle feeding is disgusting. If it had been the other way round there would have been an uproar.
I don't think there should be any discussion of "why was she there if she wasn't breastfeeding"- there are a number of reasons why she may have been there

"Actually, having read the article now it doesn't say that she was chucked out, or asked to leave, or asked not to come back. "

Well really?, obviously the person who made the approach (and told her it was 'inappropriate') was a complete arse and had no people skills, since if they had handled it sensitively I doubt she would have been reduced to tears. They must have been rather tactless to elicit this response. No? (seems obvious to me)

I also wanted to add:

how do you know the funding for places is limited? At our local branch anyone can pop in. there aren't "places" to be filled. Anyone can go and PAY for drinks and food. This is all put back into funding for the cafe and breastfeeding support.

She was meeting other mums who were breastfeeding- should she have just sat outside and waited for them? How can you all justify making someone feel unwelcome like that when all she was doing was sitting on a chair in a hall??? she wasn't costing them money, she was probably giving them money.

It's a shame the woman was upset but I agree with Aloha, this is a publicly-funded service to support women having problems with b/f, it has to concentrate on those women or risk losing that funding and being closed down. Perhaps the message could have been better phrased - certainly passing on through a friend is a bad idea.

Don't think much of the way the story is written, tbh.

Oh good, someone did a link.

I still think the reporting of this story is vague and prevents a clear picture. On the one hand it is sad if a woman was reduced to tears and left feeling inadequate about her failure to breastfeed as the article suggests, especially if as a one off she went with a friend to the group, albeit not for advice but for social reasons.

On the other hand as Psweudonim and others have argued, it is a limited resource that cannot function as a meeting place for people who just want a free coffee and a seat, certainly not on a regular basis, and it is impossible to gauge how this was put to the 'friend', it is quite possible that it was kind and reasonable but taken the wrong way.

I can't see there being a great problem of bottle feeding mums attending breastfeeding support groups though. Maybe I'm wrong.

but on the other hand, the less people go the less chance it has of carrying on receiving funding.

This woman may have been in a group of 10 other ladies who were all breastfeeding. They will now find somewhere else to go instead and this cafe will lose people who are putting money back into it and who are entitled to use it

I've got no idea. As these threads often show, many women feel very, very sensitive about ff especially, as it seems in this case, it wasn't their choice to feed their baby this way. It could be that anything that was said to her in this context she would have found upsetting without it necessarily being the intention of the person who spoke to her friend.

As she points out herself, she appreciates that they are in a difficult position. The thrust of her complaint appears to be that there isn't a similar facility for ff mothers which is fair enough.

I think it's disgraceful personally that there aren't more expert resources available to support infant nutrition in all its forms. As many of us discover when we run into problems with breast, bottle, weaning, weight gain, weight loss, fussy eating, allergies it can all be a bit hit or miss and health visitors, who supply the bulk of support and information can be no help at all.

maybe it depends what kind of bf 'cafe' you have been to then, cos I stand by my view that it would be utterly bizarre and weird for someone to pop in to any support groups I've been to, just to socialise with mates and get a cheap cuppa. and thinking back to the times I went to these support groups, pretty upset, with thrush etc, it would have been really upsetting if it did have the feel of a toddler group/cafe drop in for all and sundry

When you say putting money back into it, do you mean that it is normal to pay for drinks at these cafes, or is part of the funding for drinks?

I am amazed at how many there seem to be in surrounding towns but none in Norwich itself to my knowledge. I think there may be one on the outskirts. I would like to go if there was one nearby.

I think we all agree that making someone cry and feel inadequate is A Bad Thing and not acceptable.

The PCT are investigating and presumably will speak to those involved. I think what previous posters have been saying is that the solution may not be to open the group to mothers who ff, due to resource issues, funding. However some training in people skills may well be in order and if the person who spoke to this woman was out of order she should get an apology hopefully.

Everything else is reading between the lines of a very sketchy article which unfortunately seems to have made people think very badly of the Baby Cafe setup. Which is a shame.

Would a woman who was bf without problems be welcome? I wouldn't have gone to a support group because the only real problems I had (after the initial ouch period) were due to mastitis, and I couldn't get out of bed when I had that. So would I have been welcome to sit there and feed ds and have a coffee - or is it for sorting out problems?

Fingerwoman, have you read the article linked to or the thread?

She wasnt "meeting" anyone. She'd already "met" them and gone to a baby massage class. They then went off together and presumably thought they'd get themselves a cheap cuppa.

She really hasnt been excluded either.

Crikey, if you are going to be in uproar about something, at least read the facts as they are presented.

And, as psweudo has already stated - she works with her local PCT to raise b/feeding awareness and improve b/feeding support - she is aware of, and has access to figures regarding funding, and the inherent lack of, for such things.

I'm sorry the woman was upset. It's such an emotive issue

But the journalist who wrote the piece is definitely going for an "angle" here - there's no balance

Essentially it's a bf support group - not really a cafe. The article says it meets once a week.

Sorry, but those who are having difficulty with bf do not go to a support group to watch someone bottlefeeding. I also agree with the points made on this thread about funding of these services.

And she was not actually asked to leave!

I mean by paying for drinks, which is what happens at our local branch.
Having read the entire thread now I think perhaps ours is just more laid-back though.
It's in a rasonable sized church hall- it's all advertised on the outside and people can jsut walk in and but food/drinks, sit around and have a chat etc etc.
They ask you when you come in if you have any particular probs and if you do then you fill in a form and then someone comes rtound to talk to you and they have separate rooms you can go into if they want to se you feeding etc etc to correct latch and things like that.