Bottle feeding mum asked to leave breast feeding cafe

[Dawnybabe]

In my local paper, the Eastern Daily Press, of Norfolk, they ran a story about a mum who had, through a friend, been asked by a member of staff at a PCT run breast feeding cafe not to return because she had bottle fed her four month old son. Please tell me I'm not the only one absolutely incandescant with rage over this? Apparently she had a medical reason for bottle feeding as well. Aren't the staff being as bigoted as the general public who force the need for a breast feeding cafe in the first place? Surely the attitude should be that you are safe to feed there however you like without any prejudice? There is enough pressure and guilt forced on bottle feeding mums as it is without staff who should know better joining in the witch hunt.

I know that my hospital's bf support group very much welcomed women who were successfully breastfeeding as it showed the rest of us that it was possible!!

yes, I have read the article thank you- and commented on it as I felt fit.
She met up with a group of breastfeeding mothers who were entitled to use that group. Whether she met htem before or after they got there is irrelevant surely?

No, because it has been interpreted by some that she went to meet her friends and was exluded and that just wasnt the case, was it?

If you were feeling inadequate about your failure to breastfeed, why would you go to a b-ing support group to be surrounded by bf-ig women??

Perhaps calling it a bf support group, rather than a 'cafe', would be helpful.

I think she has been excluded in as much as she certainly isn't welcome to go back.
I think as morocco says it really depends what type of group it is. We actually have no idea how it is funded, or whether having one person there who has bottle fed a child will make any difference to that funding- I honestly can't see how it would.
Surely the more people who go, the more successful it is deemed to be and thus the more funding they get? It is sad, because it re-inforces the whole "breastfeeding mafia" thing which IMO should be avoided.

Yay! 182 posts before someone mentions "mafia"

FFS.

Yep. That's my cue to leave this thread I think.

Well, you might go because your friend was, and then those feelings of inadequacy were raised when you were asked not to return?

I think if it was put in a reasonable way then it would be hard to mind. Either the representative of the cafe did not word it very well, or the woman has a bit of a chip about it and went to the paper, which you wouldn't do if you thought they were being reasonable iyswim.

And perhaps if she had been given the chance she'd have been able to talk to someone about the circumstances regarding her giving up breastfeeding and she could have felt more comfortable with that decision.
Perhaps her story could have helped other breastfeeding mothers.
Perhaps she would have gained valuable insight that would help her breastfeed next time round.

you say they "presumably thought they'd get themselves a cheap cuppa. "

well, presumably is the key word isn't it. YOu presume. none of us have any idea why they went there. Perhaps some of them were having difficulties? perhaps they had been there before and wanted to go back??

my experience was that at my local bfing support group (run in the same manner as described by many) i was told that i would be Very Welcome Indeed with a bottle, whether i was managing to keep up with my mixed feeding or not. as it was i was absolutely mortified about bringing out a bottle (after bfing all afternoon, dd hadn't actually taken anything cos of my poor supply, lol).

in fact, the counsellor who ran the group was at pains to point out that they had two prominent members who had failed to bf after four weeks of struggling but who very much felt like bfers in their heads and were very good at helping women to continue bfing when they were wobbling. tbh, if i'd been asked not to come back it would have wrecked me.

i personally think that the ratio was such that they should have kept their mouths shut. if the group was taking advantage for a cheap cuppa then words should have been had with all of them. if not, keep it shut and the poor woman would have been back to see them when she had her next child.

to give you the best example... and i'm directing this at hunker, tiktok, mears, moony et al. (even moony... ) if i ever have another baby then the fact that i've been hanging around here for a year, soaking up all your chat will mean that i am infinitely more likely to crack it next time. the bf counsellors should be aware that sometimes, fore-warned is fore-armed.

"Perhaps her story could have helped other breastfeeding mothers" Oh yes. The story of someone who feels inadequate about giving up BF-ing in favour of FF-ing is bound to help someone struggling to breastfeed

well, it's what the top bfing specialist in Scotland told me, soupy... seeing people who had struggled and not made it and weren't comfortable with that evidently did help mothers who were having difficulties.

fwiw, the baby cafes in my area require you to register in order for you to be able to use the srvice. if i turned up and hadn't registered and was ff my baby, i would not think it unreasonable to be asked whether i was planning on returning.

from my reading of the article, she wasn't asked to leave, nor was she directly asked not to return, rather one of the bf mums was asked to ask her whether she planned to return. i don't think this is unreasonable on the part of the organisers. as others have said these cafes are support groups for bf mums, not a general mother and baby group.

it all seems to have been blown out of all proportion, imo.

I'll assume you're being facetious soupdragon and aren't actually stupid enough to think that that is what I meant.

and for the record i think i have helped people myself, precisely because i do feel so bloody inadequate about it and no bugger wants to be me.

well said Aitch

I think it's probably true- because it makes people think more about how they will feel if they give up, and maybe makes them more determined to sort problems out instead of resort to FF

Oh tell me about it Aitch. I bf the first three and have had to ff this time because a)I was starving my third and b) I needed to go on meds that were incompatible with bf.

But I would support women bf the whole way - and I do feel dreadfully inadequate because of the hand I've been dealt.

she's very cool, actually, knows dr jack newman and everything...

actually dino, why is it strange? i don't really get what you mean. bearing in mind i've only skimmed the thread i may have missed something you've said.

and aaaw, sue, you did your best, couldn't be helped, etc etc,