Can someone interpret this article for me please?

[Janh]

I have no idea what he's on about!

Is it me? (Probably is! )

words fail me.

no I have no idea either

Looks like he wrote the first paragraph with a thesaurus and then forgot his point...what a bizarre article!

What a pseud! Send it to Private Eye and earn yourself a tenner.

Eeer gave up reading it, seemed like he was writing nonsense. Unless I've missed something??

I read the article twice and still can't make out what he's on about.

I mean there's bad writing and then there is that. Completely unintelligable.

fio!

(Thanks all by the way, I really thought it was me!!!)

gosh, how long does a sentence need to be?! I got lost just after the first clause!

I gave up after the second sentance If he was paid for it there may yet be a career in writing for me...

No, it's him.
You should take the Torygraph Janh, we've got peerless free Jeeves and Wooster DVDs all this week, and articles you can understand enough of to swear at for minutes at a time.

DH just read it and did a quick interpretation as follows.....
he's saying "Don't molly coddle your children". if you are talking to someone and they interupt then tell them to shut up and wait. If he's overweight then make him diet, don't pander to him, etc.

what a ramble " If, for some reason, I wanted to take a vicarious interest in pubescent meanderings which somehow manage to combine the intellectual rigour of a slurry souffle with the thrummingly onanistic self-indulgence of a very old man locked in a steamy room with many forgiving mirrors and one last breathless chance, then of course I wouldn't take my adult coins down the shop and buy my adult paper, would I now?"

that's ONE sentence .. rofl

twig, that was the very sentagraph which I was going to copy and paste!

Marina, I do quite like bits of the Telegraph but I read 'em all online anyway!

burstingbug, the penultimate (ahem) para sums his theme up thus

This is very euan ferguson. I think he's a bit off the wall and I'm guessing his editor is too nervous of him to take a big pair of editing scissors to his work and sort it out.

Terrible. Sack the editor too.

I edit stories for a living and this soooo would not have got past me, unless of course he's very scary.

are you all simple? having children done it to you?

clearly the man is drunk.

It is painfully awful. He was probably drunk when he wrote it.

ahem.

Say what?

I am going to attempt to translate it

"If, for some reason, I wanted to take a vicarious interest in pubescent meanderings which somehow manage to combine the intellectual rigour of a slurry souffle with the thrummingly onanistic self-indulgence of a very old man locked in a steamy room with many forgiving mirrors and one last breathless chance, then of course I wouldn't take my adult coins down the shop and buy my adult paper, would I now?"

= If, for some reason, I was interested in childish musings which are about as stupid as an old bloke having his last ever wank in a sauna because the mirrors make him think he looks good then of course I wouldn't buy a grown-up's paper

[snigger] Dh just told me onanistic means wanking [snigger]