Yet another article re: why mothers should return to work

[boogiewoogie]

Just snatching a couple of minutes during a coffee break, will come back. What do you think of this?

Anna, you imply that your choice is better than others by what you say.

Anna - not all mums can take their kids out every day and stimulate them all day long every minute. DOES NOT mean they are negligent. Mixing and sharing with other kids away from mum in a nursery setting is a GOOD thing and one I feel strongly about.
I can't teach my DD French, yoga and soem other things with her. I'm very happy for a nursery to help me stimulate my DD and feel strongly that this is a good and positive thign for my DD's.

My eldest is at a playscheme in the morning durign Easter hols. She is mixing with 3 - 8 yera olds. Palying dolls with them, sandpit is out 24/7, outside play, arts and crafts out everything and anything. lots of kids there have special needs. I couldn't think of anything nicer for her to do and a better palce, inc home, for her to be for a few housrs each morning.

Have you read that piece of writing called something like "Everything I learned about life I learned in kindergarten". Really cute. Well, a bit mawkish actually but also cute. Depends on your mood. You can find it via google.

hunkermunker - no, I am just defending SAHM as a valid choice. It has its advantages for children, which I am pointing out.

Anna - do you think it's a better choice though? In your heart of hearts?

TeeCee - how old is your eldest? It sounds as if she must be three already.

My daughter will be going to school before age 3. The SAHM thing will be over.

BOTH options are valid choices Anna, BOTH.

I am still slightly shocked at the phrase "unless their mothers are completely negligent".

Anna- you haven't just said that being a SAHM mother is a valid choice, you have basically said that anyone who doesn't do things your way is negligent.

What a load of bollocks.

anna - you are defending it to the exclusion of anything else as being a valid choice (or that is how your posts make it appear)

oh and btw I am glad anna thinks I am totally negligent because nursery can offer some things I couldn't as a SAHM.

At nursery they employ someone who is a trained cook v I hate cooking - does that make me negligent?
At nursery they have big toys v we don't have the space for them - does that make me negligent?
At nursery DS plays with/interacts other children all day v he is an only child and I can't have any more - does that make me negligent?
At nursery they go out on trips in the summer to the wildlife parks and beach v I cna't drive and if I was a SAHM we wouldn't be able to afford the train fares - does that make me negligent?
At nursery they do craft and art activites v I hate doing this type of thing and get frustrated - does that make me negligent?

DS gets good things from nursery and good things from home. Oh and btw he isn't 'mother raised' or 'institution raised'. He is raised by his family - me, DH, DB, DBIL, GP etc etc.

My eldest is 5. School is on holiday so to give my mum, her other carer a few hours grace in the morning I've arranged for DD1 to go to a playscheme in the Eastr hols. Been doing it during holidays for about a year and a half now. She adores it there.
I do loads with my DD, as does my mum, this is just something else she does.

sj, obviously I agree.
I wouldn't say my adult life was devoid of feeling. I think men and women can love their work and still have time and space to love their partner and children and pursue hobbies. It's what I've always sought. It's why I started having babies in my early 20s because for me having chidlren was such an important aim. I loved it. I never thought it contradictory of having a career as well. Sometimes others things take priority in a lifetime and other things don't. I can't have had the most jolly last few years with the abusive marriage, divorce, mother dying, father now ill, children not supported or seen by their father, me in effect supporting him etc but imagine I hadn't worked and 20 years ago we'd decided to live and bring up 5 children on a teacher's salary... the children would have not gone to such good schools, I would have been completely fed up at home and on the divorce we'd be trying to divide a salary of £30k between 7 people and two households. Thank goodness I did carry on working.

A lot of women in their 40s, 50s, 60s are quite relieved not to have men around and actively seek it or never want a children or partner and that's a valid life choice. My sister is a single mother by choice. I'm not actually in that category and I do like men but work isn't and never has been a substitute for anything.

What I have enjoyed since I worked for myself is the integration of work and home. I do a lot of work at home and although the children have someone looking after them they also do barge in here because only I can stem bleeding toes or sort out fights. I just don't think there's this stark choice between being a good mother and not working and being a bad mother who hardly sees her institutionalised children who works.

We need my clever independent daughters on here - it would be amusing to see them trash my arguments if they chose to.

NK - I think it is a VALID choice and I am very worried when I see mothers coerced into not bringing up their own children when they are very little when they would like to.

As I have already mentioned, my daughter will start school in September, aged 2.10, and I am delighted that she will do. She will need to go by then.

But I think she has received far better stimulation with me than she would have in a nursery environment or with a nanny. She will have spent her first 2.10 years with several adults who love her because we have spent masses of time at my parents' house in England (including holidays on her own), and she also sees a lot of her French grandparents. She has travelled a lot, we go all over Paris visiting museums and parks and eating out and shopping, she sees lots of her brothers and our friends. She speaks both languages really well. This is a perfectly valid choice for both of us, we have enjoyed it hugely. She would not have done as much in a nursery, no way. For her and me it's been better.

There are advantages to BOTH ways though. I'm not having a go at choosing to be a SAHM - some of my favourite people are SAHMs and fab at it!

TeeCee - I'm not talking about that age group.

Exactly sunnyjim

My DD also gets to play with children in wheelchairs, who can't walk without a frame, are autistic, or have no SN's at all. I love that fact.

I don't have a 2 story wooden house full of dressing up clothes, a kitchen, and fab furniture in my house, it's her favoiurite place to be at her playscheme.

I don't have my arts and crafts stuff laid out for her to play with as and when she chooses it.

I don't have a bridge and swings and slides and sandpits and other huge things all over my garden. i have soem of those things but not all.

And so on and so on.

Well all teh same thign applies to my 15 months old as well tbh Anna.

anna - think about what you are saying "coerced into not bringing up their own children " - for the last time I am raising my son with my DH and extended family ...

I think people rarely attack the choice to be a SAHM. That's why the original feature was so striking and worth discussing.

I don't know what you mean by "coercion" in this context. Who is coerced to go out to work if they don't want to? I've never seen that happen.

And if you work you are bringing up your own children. The day to day stuff is different, that's all.

Anna no-one is saying that staying at home rather than attending a nursery is a BAD thing (it wouldn't be my choice but...). Everytone else is saying both are valid options wioth lots of positives. But you seem to be saying that nurseries are bad / wrong etc.

No Taylor - I am trying to show that being an SAHM offers lots of the "benefits" that nurseries are supposed to offer (socialisation, activities) if you are a hands-on mother and you take your child around with you. I am trying to show that being an SAHM is not about sitting around feeling depressed and watching daytime TV and reading crappy novels, but about lots of other things.

Of course, you have to be able to afford it. But I NEVER take my daughter to theme parks or other horrible children's centre type places that cost money - we visit the parks and museums of Paris at no or very little cost, we take the bus and metro (which she ADORES, she hates the car), we see friends, we shop (mostly browsing), we cook (because I cook for my family a lot) and shop in little shops where it takes ages but everybody knows her and gives her free fruit, cakes and prawns... and she actually knows the city really well now, recognises all the landmarks etc. When I went to look at nurseries and saw where she would be shut up all day I felt like crying.

It sounds like it works for you. That's great.

anna - i don't know why you are directing this post at me as i have not made any comments at all about SAHMs. What i deeply object to is your terminology in your threads - My DS is not "shut in" his nursery all day! you just seem to be so anti-nurseries/childcare and i don't understand why you cannot acknowledge that your way is not the only or better way ...

Anna, most parents who work also do these things with their kids you know......And you must have visited a horrible nursery.You should come and take a look at ours!
I think most parents would agree putting a tiny baby in nursery is not ideal. Its the career-break thing again though. My children would suffer was I to insist on staying at home for 2 years with them, because it would mean me leaving my child-friendly job and having to start a new job and as we know child-friendly jobs are hard to come by. I think this is the reality for most of us.