Guardian Family: Confessions of a Full Time Mother

[morningpaper]

Confessions of a Full Time Mother

"Kirsty Gunn is not working on her next novel. She is not a columnist for the London Review of Books. She has chosen instead to disappear from the professional world and embrace a domestic life just as rich and interesting and inspiring ... "

PAH! She's opted out of the professional world - well except for this article and the book she has just written about her "year as a full time mum" - full time that is, except for the 30 hours a week that her children are at school in which I presume she fannies about writing drivel like this.

At first I thought it was an ironic joke, but sadly not. Perhaps she is friends with that woman who survived the concentration-camp conditions of Fulham after that breeze blew her wooden grapes off the sideboard...

we have lives you know...

That's it, I think that the original article basically said that we DIDN'T. That it was all about being consumed by your children. That you had opted out of the professional world and weren't "doing anything."

good point, strongteabag - xenia hasn't a partner at home, has she? Perhaps my last post was a bit of a misjudgement.

But even so, I personally would find it quite intrusive and a bit unnecessary to have a nanny in my home all weekend if my children were age 7/8 and upwards.

got thru the 1st few paragraphs, then suddenly.......

blah blah blah!

Xenia you say 'Sitting here doing the bit of peaceful interesting work I have done here today is more enjoyable than just about anything I might have done, though'

So why spend time posting 19 messages on mumsnet today?

I wasn't counting my number of posts. On Sundays no one interrupts me so you actually reduce the work pile.

Some people will prefer to post on mumsnet to playing with the toddler or working or even sex with their husband. It's just a matter of choice when we're lucky to have the choice. I don't want to spend more time with the children. I've always been quite happy with the time I've spent with them over the years. A couple of hours a day is great. I've never wanted more. I think you can be an effective and loving parent that way. I don't think it's measured in time spent. I wouldn't have liked to have sent them to boarding school because I like the fairly continuous daily contact however.

On 12 hour working days who is to say what is right and what is wrong? A lot of people are content with that, 12 hours with a baby, 12 hours at home whilst a husband is out which is work in my eyes as much as in an office, 12 hours doing what you like, 12 hours meditating or in prayer or walking, all just ways to spend time.

It is no worse I might like to spend 10 hours on some difficult work than you might like to spend 10 hours at home with a baby. in fact most people who aer happy with their work whether the're postmen or corporate financiers or whatever would carry on if they won the lottery. If I did, I would. If I won a sum which generated in interest my annual income x 3 then I might reduce the work load a bit and divest myself of some of the more boring bits but not otherwise and I wouldn't stop it./ It's why serial entrepreneurs who retire usually go back to something. They suceeded because they enjoyed what they did which is why parents at home who love it are great for their children and those mothers who can't wait for it to be bed time may be better off in an office doing work they like.

Message withdrawn

Nope. I'd never chose MN over sex .

absolutely ROARING with laughter at your pastiche marthamoo.

f*cking fabulous.

quote of the week definitely.

what like my mum cod!

[thunks head against door post].

Can't bring myself to tell you what though.

well I admire your honesty when you say
'I don't want to spend more time with the children. I've always been quite happy with the time I've spent with them over the years. A couple of hours a day is great. I've never wanted more.'

I just feel that IME you be with older children, just you and them, without neglecting your own interests (reading, phoning, internet, beauty routine, a bit of work etc) you can do both at the same time.

cod - that is bloody brilliant - I have a an aunt who used to be incredibly beautiful like my mum, still is unbelievably glamorous in her 60's tells her grandchildren NOT to call her granny, but by her first name !

It's a minor issue that I'm 45 with a 22 year old but I don't mind it. I'd quite like a seamless miving from small children to grandchildren around actually, although not more than the say 2 hours a day. This is a house bursting with children. It's not some silent morgue where I work and the children are kept out of the way.

I don't think I particular fear ageing although seeing my parents problems and mother's death it's not that attractive a prospect into the 70s and beyond. I fear loss of health more and also if you're single in your 40s and may be want to find someone else then ageing has an impact on that.

So how many hours a day are people prepared to admit it their ideal for contact with their children then? Some would say with a new baby only 24/7 body to body contact is right and even sleeping apart is tantamount to child abuse. We all draw lines somewhere. Some women won't delegate to their husbands as they won't trust them with small children.

My favorite day is monday. I get her up at 7 and drop her off at school at 8:30. I pick her up at 12 and spend all afternoon with her. She goes to bed at 7. So thats about 8.5 hours. Thats about perfect although a couple of more hours with her don't faze me.

Glad you've reported that post from spannapiana, suzy - I'd love to see some kind of plausible explanation from her but fear there isn't one

I'm very gratified people liked my 'thing'...just wishing I'd cottoned on to writing complete bollocks as a career move

xenia...I don't normally rise to it and I see no reason to break the habit of a MN lifetime but in the immortal words of Morrissey (though he was talking about popular music and not your posts)..."it says nothing to me about my life."

"it says nothing to me about my life."

but says lots about yours

why has suzy's post been deleted but not the offensive one?

I don't know - I know which one should have been deleted.

suzy - I re-read some old posts and saw the offensive one. It was totally unacceptable. I am glad you reported it.

i know they'll not thank me for it in terms of admin, but i've reported it too. racist horrible ugly. never seen her online before.

really hope she is just thick rather than what she appears to be.

who is spannapiana? i really hope she comes back and explains. you never know, it might just have been an unfortunate collocation of posts. or a weird attempt at humour. or something. it would be a monumentally strange thing to do otherwise, don't you think? but if she doesn't come back, we'll never know, and it will appear that she was in fact being downright racist. am gobsmacked that suzy's post has been deleted. yep, it was a threat, but hardly one that can be carried out over the internet. and if spanna did mean to be racist then it won't just be suzy who'd be inclined to, er, keep a very close eye on her.

Aitch, some people really do think this kind of nonsense is funny.

Xenia - re: ideal amount of time to spend with children - I love days with them in the holidays, especially if we go off & do something they find exciting, such as GoApe.
However, it's often a huge relief when they go back to school and I can revert to a brief stint in the morning followed by mealtime in the evening. Then I stick my head through the door to make encouraging noises when they're doing their music practice. The worst thing is when they need help with homework and they're tired. Even as a committed sahm I hate that!

s'pose so. [depressed] [still a little bruised from the great CBB conflict of 2007]

lionheart. yes. they are racist and offensive, even if unknowingly so.

FWIW sunnywong, I have also reported spanna's post. It sounded unbelieveably rude. I was very surprised that they deleted your post - in the circumstances I thought it was quite restrained