In the news: Study finds that the presence of a partner can increase the pain of childbirth

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

Interesting story in the news today: a new study seems to suggest that, if their partner is present, some women will experience an increase in the amount of pain they feel when giving birth.

We wondered what you thought: did having your other half make giving birth more bearable - or did you feel it actually made things harder? Have you chosen to give birth without your partner - or might you do so if you gave birth again? Do let us know your thoughts.

I'm not convinced that this study could disambiguate "feeling pain" and "reporting feeling pain".

Fairly massive leap between what the actually study measured and the headline.

WRT giving birth, my partner was excellent on the snacks and distraction front for 1st stage. The last thing I wanted was any cheerleading or physical contact for transition or 2nd stage, so he just hovered in the background while I got on with it in the pool. Midwife did the same. This was 3rd baby and a homebirth though, he knew the protocol by then :)

I don't see how you can conduct a study on this as there are far too many variables. Women often find their labours are different experiences.

When I had a home birth dh watched the gran prix for most of it. In fact he thought that watching the gran prix instead of sitting on a plastic chair for hours on end doing nothing was preferable. It didn't bother me having Dh watching car racing as I knew he was in the room next door.

DH was there for the second stage though.

Are they confusing pain with anger?

Having someone in the room to blame, can only help in taking your mind off the pain, rather than make it worse. lol

If we ignore the ridiculous outfit he picked for me to wear to hospital (and I'd already sent him to find a different one once, really, they just plain weird) I was so, so grateful to have DP there. He negotiated with the one not very helpful midwife (the rest were brilliant), he counted my breaths in and out to keep me calm, and provided a depository for any 'difficult' emotions that seemed to want out. I can't imagine not having gone through the whole amazing/weird thing without him and feel really sad when I've heard about friends being left in labour in hospital alone with he partners sent home.

I started my labour pains on an antenatal ward, just after DH had had to go home for the night. I was so desperate for him to come back - seriously the longest night of my life. Although it was exacerbated by being in a strange place and trying to keep quiet through the contractions as there were lots of other women trying to sleep! I remember that pain far more vividly than the later pains, even though it was only early labour and was actually much less severe.

Just to clarify here:

Women who generally don't rely on their partners for support in everyday life, and don't feel as close to them feel more pain in childbirth.

This therefore suggests that women who DO rely on their partners for support in everyday life, either feel less pain or there is no difference.

I think this is important to point out, because the thread title suggests this is a universal thing for all women. Which seemingly isn't the case.

To me this suggests only one thing; that women need to feel secure and comfortable in childbirth. Not that their partners are the problem. Just that women are all different in where they look for support and what gives them comfort. Which ties in with just about every study on pain and oxytocin study going. And the no brainer that not all relationships are equal and wonderful things and sometimes aren't positive influences.

I don't think its a particularly revolutionary or ground breaking study for that reason.

Glidingpig, that's exactly the sort of story that makes me feel really sad. If I'm ever pregnant again I'll try for a home birth to avoid being left in labour ward alone trying to be quiet so others can sleep....awful!

And Redtoothbrush, everything you say makes perfect sense. And relationships are subject to situational factors. Someone close to me found her husband very unhelpful at the birth of their first child (he was actually feeling terribly helpless and later very scared) second time around he was much more confident and comfortable and she found him a great comfort.

For DC2, DH couldn't be in the delivery room because the person who was supposed to look after DC1 never showed up.
I don't know about the pain, but I was much more relaxed than for DC1 - I wasn't worried about screaming too loud, or pooing.
He was there for DC3, but I have to admit I pretended he wasn't.

However, if wa had another child, I would want him to be with me because he is the only person I totally trust to make the medical team respect my choices.

There was something about this when I was pregnant - men being present slows labour, and sometimes even stops it. Something to do with the stress hormone. First labours are often long, 8 - 12 hours, and I believe a supportive woman who's been through it is a better partner for that period of time. However, there is no reason that men should be left out of the entire birthing process and be present for the actual birth.

women need to feel secure and comfortable in childbirth. Not that their partners are the problem. Just that women are all different in where they look for support and what gives them comfort

Yes, this makes a lot of sense.

I love my partner very much and he is a wonderful dad, but he was pretty rubbish at the whole labour experience. He tried to be helpful but just wasn't - probably because I just wanted to retreat into myself, so having him there didn't help at all.

He was sent home when the ward closed, after which things ramped up and I spent an hour or so in the CLU getting an epidural and having investigations as DD seemed to be very poorly. I actually felt I coped better not having him there. The epidural, the invasive investigations - for me, I felt calmer just being with medical professionals who knew the drill and not worrying about how DP, who hates needles and blood and pain, was coping with the invasive things that were happening to me. And being calmer probably changed how I was reacting to the pain.

Surely this depends on how you view your partner in general? I loved having my DH with me at every stage, it felt like we were in it together the whole way.
He was calm, followed my lead, chatted to the midwife so I didn't have to (I feel ridiculous social pressure to 'host' in every situation ), and counted with me, reassured me, etc.

I would have missed him desperately were he not there.

However, in day-to-day life, he is not my 'manchild' (urgh) or someone I feel I have to look after. He's the first person I would want to be there if I were scared or in pain in any circumstance. So in my case, I would argue the opposite.

I know several DPs of others who would meet a grisly end in the birthing pool if I had to have their personality present, though!

If DH hadnt been there especially for DC1 I suspect I would still be there now (DC1 is now 19 years old and at uni!).

DH understands me better than anyone. He knew that when I was saying 'I'm fine' I really wasnt and got me the help I needed (eventually EMCS). He was my advocate when I wasnt capable of advocating for myself.

The study didn't actually look at pain during childbirth at all. It looked at pain induced by zapping the woman's finger with a laser. Only those women who said they "preferred to avoid closeness, trusted themselves more than their partners and felt uncomfortable in their relationships" felt more pain when their partners were present.

Thanks for the clarity CrushedVelvet....how on earth did that get translated into partners' effect on pain felt in childbirth?

This seems like one of those not very helpful studies that doesn't really take us any further in our understanding of what women in labour need but which the media love.

I've had 4 home births with dh there for every one. In fact I had reason to be grateful when ds4 was born that dh had been there for dc 1 -3. The midwives thought I'd be "ages yet" when I staggered out of the bedroom to use the bath which, at the time, was located downstairs by the kitchen. Dh had already run the bath for me and I had literally just got into the bathroom when I felt the baby's head crowning. He had to shout "Midwives!" up the stairs and then run back, grab a clean towel and start delivering the baby. As he'd seen it all before, and wasn't a panicky sort of person, he was able to catch the baby and I was very happy that he was there.

CrushedVelvet thanks for pointing out what the study actually measured...bears very little resemblance to what the media are reporting!

fwiw my DH was not much use for DC1s birth, second time round he was more helpful (as we both had a better idea of what he could do/he was more confident) and third time was a homebirth so he was in charge of making tea and cleaning up afterwards, then he and DC1 took the baby downstairs to watch telly while I had a sleep :)

Men being at the birth is such a recent and very western idea.

In most cases women would probably be better supported by a doula, mum, sister or friend.

I only have experience of my DH being their for our 5 births (one at home)and I wouldn't want it any other way.

We both wanted him to be there and I knew he would speak for me if I couldn't and that was important. I needed to be able to concentrate on my labours and know I had his support.

However, if either party doesn't want DH/DP to be there or if their relationship is not close, then I imagine it could make the labouring mummy more anxious and therefore less in control of what is happening.

My DH was there for both my births. There were times I relied on him to go and ask the midwives for something. He had to go out to park the car in the middle of one of my very fast labours, and all I remember is being in a massive panic because he wasn't there. I couldn't think of anything worse than having my mother there for example, and I haven't got a sister. Of course if you 'feel uncomfortable in your relationship' you are going to be more stressed if the father of your baby is there!

I loved having my dh there for both of my births...(dds now 19 & 17)
He was calm,not interfering and just stood by as a nice calm and comforting presence... Trouble was ,I was quite high on the gas and air ... And his standing there was sending me into uncontrollable laughter
I remember telling the whole room quite loudly.." I am in too much pain to laugh"!! But couldn't stop ... Did stop at the last bit though

There's no way I would want to go through childbirth without DH!

Two very different labours, but DH was perfect each time and let me crush and bruise his hand and helped me to relax and breathe through the contractions.

This sort of tosh gets my goat. Mainly because it's pretending it's research-based. It's not: 39 women, NON-BIRTH context = very dubious 'research' in my book! The trouble is people will read it, BELIEVE it and have a seed of doubt planted, causing disempowerment and confusion for couples, when, actually, it's all a bit more complicated than set out here. Simplistic drivel. Disappointed to see it as your headline here too.

Fellow MNetters do we need to send a copy of Bad Science to MNHQ?

Looks like it. Really not helpful to present a study's findings incorrectly as a headline. But then anyone interested would read the thred and hear from people who had actually read the study (not me I'm afraid) rather than a chinese wispers version of it.