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MNHQ

In the news: Study finds that the presence of a partner can increase the pain of childbirth

55 replies

KateMumsnet · 21/01/2015 09:02

Hello all

Interesting story in the news today: a new study seems to suggest that, if their partner is present, some women will experience an increase in the amount of pain they feel when giving birth.

We wondered what you thought: did having your other half make giving birth more bearable - or did you feel it actually made things harder? Have you chosen to give birth without your partner - or might you do so if you gave birth again? Do let us know your thoughts.

OP posts:

jenvic · 21/01/2015 16:56

Hypnobirthing really involves birthing partners. My husband delivered our son in the hospital and was really involved in the birthing.

ThatDamnedBitch · 21/01/2015 17:06

Having had both my mum and DH there at dd1's birth and then just DH there at dd2's birth. I can say it was actually my mum that caused me the most distress during labour. DD1's birth was horrendous and my mum made it 10 times worse by getting all stressed and panicked. Whilst DH was a vision of calm. DD2's birth was so much more relaxed and pleasant as I wasn't getting wound up, DH is a brilliant birth partner.

squizita · 21/01/2015 17:11

What Redtoothbrush says applies to me.
DH knew what I wanted him for at the birth and had been to all the classes. I felt he would be reliable but I would plan things eg taxi route. This is much like our normal life. So I felt he helped.
However in the - rather short- early stages before hospital he tried to get me to watch cartoons to "take my mind of it" and all that happened is now I flinch a bit "down there" if I hear the theme tune to Family Guy unexpectedly.

squizita · 21/01/2015 17:14

...though my mum was also there. She was a calming influence too. Kept pointing to gadgets and asking the mw about them which gave off a "not worried" and "you picked a nice new hospital" vibe = calmer for me.

RedToothBrush · 21/01/2015 17:21

What would happen if you were in a room with a serial killer?

I think I'd love to read the headline on what the study then showed.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 21/01/2015 17:58

So this study found that feckless men are an actual pain in the you-know-what in the labour room?

No shit sherlock.

RedToothBrush · 21/01/2015 18:07

Nope, it didn't even show that!

Older · 21/01/2015 18:27

I blame my husband (ex) for everything so I agree with whatever the study did or didn't show

LynetteScavo · 21/01/2015 18:50

jenvic hypnobirthing doesn't have to involve partners.

I labored alone, using hypnobirthing whilst DH slept. I only woke him up when I thought there might be need to call a midwife to actually deliver the baby. It was pain free.

I think the pain was so bad with my first labour because 1, I was in hospital and 2. DH was there. The hospital staff were there to get the baby out, weren't they? (With hindsight I see how wrong I was!) and DH can always sort things out, and make things better. But he couldn't take away the pain, or do anything to help. It was awful. I think if I'd been on my own at home, I would have had a very different mentality, and dealt with things totally differently psychologically.

DH had learned a lot by the time I had my second hospital birth, and knew what to do to help, ie advocate for me.

slightlyglitterstained · 21/01/2015 19:36

Agree with pp who suggested the title of the thread is misleading in the extreme.

Hate to think of this kind of BS being spread.

museumum · 21/01/2015 19:39

My partner was great because he knew me and knew to stay in the background and just keep refilling my water bottle. He knew that I'd hate "coaching" or platitudes and he was confident enough to do what he knew id prefer rather than what any class told him to do.

glidingpig · 21/01/2015 21:04

God, having my mum attend my labour is pretty much my worst nightmare... I love her and she'd mean well, but not in a million years would I want her there. DH all the way for me please.

slightlyglitterstained · 21/01/2015 21:22

Have to agree with glidingpig - if it's "nature's way" to have my mother & sisters there, fuck nature! I wanted DP with me, and found contractions much easier when he was in the room. Made a truly astounding difference.

cowbiscuits · 21/01/2015 21:35

The study wasn't even on women in labour, they were having a painful but harmless laser thing put on their fingers, in a controlled situation, how can they extrapolate that to being in labour? And there was only 39 participants. And as people have said, it was only those with a certain type of relationship who perceived more pain.

Even BBC Radio 4 this morning reported it as though the study had women to be better off NOT having male partners there. What rubbish.

There's tons of psychological factors that affect our perception of pain, whether in labour or other situations, and and it's different for everyone.

Kelloges0811 · 21/01/2015 21:48

I found my husband to be an amazing support for me during and after labour. I honestly believe I could not have done it without him being there. He kept me calm, was very reassuring, kept me positive and gave me all the strength I needed, during both my labours both over 18hrs long.

clam · 21/01/2015 21:49

Certainly increased it in my case, as dh was hogging the gas and air. I yelled at asked him to pass it over, and he said "hang on a minute, this is great."

grannytomine · 21/01/2015 22:47

I have four children, have had husband present and laboured alone. I like to labour alone, midwife popping in to check up on me but basically I like a nice quite room, no bright lights and no one trying to chat to me. Just leave me alone to get on with it.

LikeIcan · 21/01/2015 23:05

My dh was present at the birth of ds, not because I particularly wanted him there, but because I thought he should be there. Looking back, he was no use at all & I know I'd have coped better on my own.
So for me, I agree with the study.

HalfPintPortia · 21/01/2015 23:06

Is this news?

Auriga · 21/01/2015 23:12

No, KateMN, it doesn't seem to suggest anything of the kind. They did not study childbirth. The pain of someone firing a laser at your finger is akin to a needle-prick: momentary, slight and of no emotional significance.

Difficult to understand how this led to the president of the Royal College of Midwives being wheeled out on TV.

VeloWoman · 22/01/2015 00:25

I can understand it, some men are wonderfull in the labour room however based on my experiences and those of my friends and OBEM some men are the opposite of helpfull. They will complain they are tired/hungry/bored, start joking and being juvenile or in the worst cases be unpleasant to their wives/partners who are in labour. I remember one manchild on OBEM who seemed desperate to have all the attention on him the whole time rather than on his girlfriend.

I think the modern assumption that the husband/partner must be at the birth regardless of what the labouring woman wants is quite harmfull actually. Women should be able to choose who they think will help them cope with labour and that should be respected. Instead they get told that they are being cruel and denying their partner the right to watch the birth.

Anacoreta · 22/01/2015 08:12

Ermh... Of course I didn't want to spend the birth on my own, and exH had the right to see his child being born. But bloody hell, I so much wish I had taken a friend rather than him.

Because the birth was all about him (being tired, bored, exhausted, etc) and he spend the 27 hours of it taking a very detailed record of each and every contraction, telling me I was not doing things properly, reminding me that people that arrived after us had already had their babies delivered, demanding to try the gas and air, etc etc.

When DS was finally born, I was so tired I needed someone to hold him, and that's precisely when he disappeared as "a nurse told him he was looking exhausted and he needed a rest" and left me there, still under the effects of epidural... I couldn't even had breakfast because I couldn't walk to the food trolley (and the nurses were so busy, nobody seem to care).

Anacoreta · 22/01/2015 08:14

But despite what the a title says, we were very close and very affectionate with each other back then, we certainly didn't need space from each other, which I suppose contradicts the claims of the article.

Anacoreta · 22/01/2015 08:14

Not they"title" the "article"

grannytomine · 22/01/2015 08:28

I don't think it is about the man, saying some men are good at the birth and others aren't might be relevant if a man is being useless but there was nothing wrong with what my husband was doing, I was just better by myself.

I felt under alot of pressure from midwife with my fourth child, she was uncomfortable about him not being there and every time he phoned she kept pushing me to tell him to come for the birth. I gave in but resented it as it wasn't about what she wanted or what he wanted. I was giving birth and it should have been about me and the baby.

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