Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
News
Original poster

Schools to offer abortion advice in a bid to cut the number of unwanted under-age pregnancies.

100 replies

bubble99 · 13/09/2006 21:12

And I realise that this is an incredibly contentious subject. But I just wondered how mnetters feel about this.

OP posts:
Tommy · 13/09/2006 22:09

IME (having worked in a girls' school) I would say that it would be better to teach teenage girls a bit more about self respect and esteem and assertiveness than to give abortion advice.

Original poster
bubble99 · 13/09/2006 22:11

But, Tommy. What if, despite the teaching, they do become pregnant?

OP posts:
EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:11

Its true - my Aunty Jan was a midwife when she was alive and she used to say the very young moms were better with their babies because they used to treat them like tiny dolls - thats the point though isn't it, they are not dolls, its a lot harder than that.
I agree, I would want to protect my daughter and the unborn baby as well...but couldn't say without being in that situation which way it would go.
This is making me so hormonal! I look at my baby boy now and it makes me very sad to think that his childhood could potentially be so short. What a difficult world he has come into.

SpaceCadet · 13/09/2006 22:11

bubble-i would be horrified if my 15 year old dd became pregnant and i have no qualms in saying that i would be wanting her to terminate, despite what happened to me.
i have 4 children already, i would not want a 5th.

Blondilocks · 13/09/2006 22:13

Most 14 yr olds may not even care whether they have children or not later on, but if this is going to work then they will need to be provided with as much information and support as possible. Otherwise how many people later on in life will turn round & say "I was encouraged to have an abortion now I can't have kids sort of thing" ?!

It really is a difficult one. Do agree that abortions won't lower the underage pregnancy rate, just the underage mum rate, so it needs a 2 pronged attack for reducing both!

EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:13

Bubble, its a concern. The baby would inevitably grow up with its grandma acting as its mother. Complicated for everyone involved, and that in itself would cause so many emotional problems, especially as the 14 year old has to stand by and watch and will eventually become an adult too aware of her rights. It would take a very strong family to choose that way.

EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:15

Not to say that watching your daughter having an abortion would not take an enormous amount of strength.

Quootiepie · 13/09/2006 22:16

I have to say that if any daughter of mine became pregnant, or a sons girlfriend I would be there 100%, look after the baby full time - anything. That feeling... when I look at my DS and thinking "i had one of these beautiful babies ripped out of me and tossed into a waste bucket" and driving past Grundon sometimes, where they burn clinic waste... knowing my baby was piled up with all the other rubbish and burned... id give anything to anyone to prevent that.

SpaceCadet · 13/09/2006 22:16

it would be very traumatic, after all it would be your potential grandchild

Original poster
bubble99 · 13/09/2006 22:20

We have a 3 year old girl at our nursery who is an aunt to her 15 year old sister's 1 year old son. What a mess. The 40 year old mother/grandma has now been left to bring up the one year old boy as, in her own words, --- has 'lost interest.' She also has to look after her 3 year old daughter and try to work, too..

Maybe it works for them? I don't know....but I doubt it.

OP posts:
EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:20

Quootiepie, do you mind me asking how far into the pregnancy you had gone before aborting? It sounds like you have a real deep emotional attachment to your baby but because of the way you effectively lost it, have never come to terms with it. I think the sadness and guilt you have is a burden you should not be carrying -you should have been looked after better. I feel so angry for you x

Blondilocks · 13/09/2006 22:21

It depends on the situation. I've always been "mother" to my DD, just I went out to school & uni whereas other mums went to work! If a similar thing happened to DD (hopefully it won't & she'll be more sensible than I was) then I would like to do whatever I could to enable her to have the opportunities I was able to have, such as being able to finish my education.

Quootiepie · 13/09/2006 22:22

12 weeks... I presumed that was the cut off, and was not told I had more time to think.

EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:22

I suppose a 15 year old still has so much growing up to do and so many distractions. The Grandma would have to be prepared to face the responsibility as teenagers are fickle - if you let them be lazy once, they remain that way don't they?
It's sad because that baby will grow up so confused and possibly unwanted.

EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:25

Quootiepie, what you have been through is simply horrible. I really hope that you can get to a stage where you are not on anti depressants. It is so easy to say that everything we experience makes us stronger eventually one way or another, and you have probably heard it a hundred times but feel no different about your experience, but I really hope it gets better for you x

Tommy · 13/09/2006 22:26

agree with you there Bubble but, IME, the self esteem bit doesn't seem to be working at all.
Spome of th girls are taught were frighteningly ignorant about sex and yet they thought it was OK to have sex with someone they hardly knew or were "embarrassed" to talk about contraception with.

EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:27

Thinking about it, alot of my friends had babies in their teens and alot of their pregnancies were unplanned and without the support of family or a relationship - their children are beautiful now and I do not know one of them that would go back and change it.

SpaceCadet · 13/09/2006 22:27

god bubble, thats really sad, i find it scarey that at 34, its actually possible for my dd to make me a grandmother, what a horrible thought

Original poster
bubble99 · 13/09/2006 22:27

Same here, QP. X

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/09/2006 22:28

thats abortion though... it doesnt get better, be cured, go away. Its done. For life. Its something that will haunt me every day until I die.

EmsTomot · 13/09/2006 22:28

Quootiepie, do you have children now?

Quootiepie · 13/09/2006 22:30

one DS... I want a large family now.

SpaceCadet · 13/09/2006 22:31

QP- you are obviously still hurting very much..i used to have thoughts like yours, and they became so severe that when i was pregnant with ds2 i was convinced something would happen as punishment, i had sessions with a pschycologist which taught me to come to terms with what had happened.

Blondilocks · 13/09/2006 22:32

Mine could make me a grandma at 28 ..... that's scary.

Quootiepie · 13/09/2006 22:34

I paid to see a phychologist and a physchiatrist (sps?) and they made me worse. The former told me id done the right thing, and hed make his daughter do the same, and the latter told me not to go and get pregnant again. Im in the process of getting specialist help, but HV has only found one, and they charge £65 an hour. After paying for therapy before, I just cant anymore.