I'm so proud of my brother. He detects and arrests paedophiles. Wasn't sure where to put this, but this is always 'in the news, sadly.'

[bubble99]

He's a Met Police detective and hs job invoves monitoring chat-rooms etc.

The police moinitor chat rooms and trace men (usually, though not exclusively, some women 'procure') arranging 'meet-ups' with children.
He caouldn't discuss too much of the detail, but I am so proud of the job that he is doing. There can be no entrapment. Paedophiles are given enough rope to hang themselves and then busted when they try to meet up with who they think to be a child.

What I found really distressing is what these people buy, or are found to possess, on their way to meeting 'the child' to enable them to act out their sexual desires.

oh I see why he is so busy now

poor man - he must see some dreadful things

Thank god for people like your brother being willing to do that although it must really impact his life.

god the internet has made things so much harder to trace, well done your bro. must be the hardest job in the met

I know, foxy.

And he admitted today that he is jaded. He said that detectives with families usually find it too much and give up the job.

All police working in this area have to see pychs every 6 months to make sure that they are not being damaged by it.

I said to Mr Bubble how sad it is that, after having spent a lovely afternoon with The Bubble Boys, that he must have seen images of children the same age being treated so badly.

Interestingly he said that...." Not all abused children go on to become abusers. But most abusers have been abused themselves."

And he is really P'd off with the lack of monitoring of these men when they're released after (in a lot of cases) fooling parole boards.

It must be really frustrating for them - the laws in this country for this type of thing are so crap. It amazes me how slowly the law catches up with this type of thing.

it does seem that way - the lack of monitoring -(and for violent criminals and those criminals with mental health problems) - lots of sad, fairly recent murders committed by those who were supposed to be under some sort of supervision.

Must be awful seeing someone walk from prison and knowing they'll commit another crime.

I am very pleased he does this job.

2 years ago we met a charming young man at dh's best friend's wedding. (Dh was best man). He was great with the kids (ds was 6 months, dd almost 3) and it was great to relax knowing that someone else was keeping an eye on them too.

Later that evening (after kids had been sent back home with my parents) I spent a lot of the evening running around the hotel with this charming young man trying to do the usual wedding tricks on the bride and groom). We all kept in touch (xmas cards etc)

Last month dh got a phone call from distraught best friend. This lovely person has been charged with making child pornography, we were sickened, went over every detail of the day, did we leave the kids unaccompanied at all, what if, how lucky were we and they etc etc.

So thank you people like bubbles brother that this man (and others) were caught before he could do anything to my kids.

I know. People commiting financial fraud are often given longer prison terms than child sex offenders.

One offence affects someone's bank balance. The other ruins a child's life. Where is the logic?

Unfortunately it will be years before the poison of all the years where individuals in the systems involving children that were unchecked child abusers are finally dead and out of the system and real reform can take place. Conspiritorial as it sounds it is unfortunatley true and a sypmtom of hundreds of years where child abuse was something people just weren't allowed to acknowledge and therefore was allowed to happen

julienetmum. I feel sick on your behalf....
And so glad that this man had no further physical contact with you and your family, after the wedding day.

A common pattern, apparently, is for paedophiles to target single mothers in the hope of gaining access to their children.

I must admit to keeping an eye on the 'Lone Parents' board on mnet.

Nowhere's safe anymore that's why its great that people like your brother are prepared to do what they do.

From a professional point of view he says that it is the most satisfying kind of detective work.

He worked for 5 years on a domestic violence unit and was so fed-up with (usually) women being beaten to a pulp. Calling the police. And then dropping charges. He felt totally powerless.

Paedophiles, unlike robbers, do not get p*d and then brag about the jobs they have done/are going to do. They are devious and difficult to detect. This makes his work more challenging and ultimately more fulfilling.

He knows officers who have had to go 'deep undercover.' And he says that they never fully recover from what they have seen.

And I think thats the sad and unheard thing - its not just the kids lives these evil bastards ruin its all the people that are involved in stopping them and dealing with the aftermath that are affected too.

How can/does a child get over abuse??

Any future sexual relationships must be doomed.

I'm sure the fact that my brother doesn't have children must have helped. He doesn't have that point of reference, IYSWIM.

He has warned me to look closely at volunteers for any children's groups that The Bubble Boys want to join in the future. In particular to look out for the (usually, though not always) single man who is, according to the organisers, a godsend, a 'diamond', who is always available to help out.

Yeah see I don't know how comfortable I'd ever be about putting ds in to cubs or choirs etc - its my own prejuidice I know and I can't stop him from being involved in everything but what do you do?
I know people who have lived through this kind of abuse and for them its been about how its percieved by those around them and how they are made to feel about it and what help/support they give although there are some things that have continued to effect them eternally.

I work within the CJ system, as does DH, but we still allow our boys to participate in activites...after-school clubs, karate and scouting.

I think that is where it is important to talk to your kids about what is appropriate and what is not and that no matter what people say or do they can always talk to you about it and how they feel.

It is a shame that certain kinds of people are attracted to these kinds of groups because it casts doubt on men who do give up there time to help with orgainisations. As an older teenager my DH helped out with the cub group that my MIL ran at the time.

DS who is about to go into scouts really wants to help with the beaver group and I would hate to think some parents would be querying his motives. But I know myself I caught myself thinking certain things when I saw their was a male classroom assistant in our schools infant department .

The volunteers who stand out, apparently, are not the ones who give up a couple of hours, despite being parents, busy with other jobs, etc. These are the good people who often want to give something back - as they may have gained a lot from going to football/scouts etc when they were young.

It's the ones who are always available to help out.

I see what you mean Bubble, but I suppose even my FIL would have appeared as always ready to help before her retired. He ran the scouts, helped with the cubs especially the camps and helped run the venture unit, orgainised the stage crew for the gang show etc. etc. I am a bit reasurred as my PIL know most of the current leaders and FIl will help out now and then at the cub events, so sees who is who.

I think one way to put your mind at rest and to be sensible about it is to get a bit involved and go to different events and meet all the leaders. There is a lot to be said for womans/ mothers intuition.

Oh I know, Skribble. I suppose I am coming across as a bit hysterical here. My rational side knows that ther are some fantastic people like your FIL who are genuine godsends.

My brother told me of a recent, tried and convicted (so I'm not prejudicing any trial here) case of a bloke who was arrested for 'interfering and grooming' young boys (10 -14) at a gym club. The organisers thought this man was 'a marvel.' He volunteered for all of the hours that the parent helpers didn't want. In fact he volunteered so quickly that no parent helpers ever needed to be asked. These were:

The 'set-up' hours - When the boys arrived and changed into their gym gear and the equipment needed to be set-up.

and

The 'close-down' hours when the boys showered/changed and the equipment needed to be put away.

I don't think you're coming across as hysterical, especially when you have an insight to the true horrors of what occurs through your brother. I have to keep a tight rein on my own fears, given the sort of people both myself and DH have to deal with.

I won't stop my boys enjoying activities, but I do make a point of finding out who is involved in running the various activities, talking to the leaders/coaches etc, staying a while when they're dropped off, arriving early to collect, and volunteering to help out.

I think that's the way to to it, rebelbang.

There's a lot to be said for 'gut-feeling', IME.

Bubble no you are not hysterical, just aware, more aware of what goes on.

As unknown says even hanging about for a chat, "see they get in OK" can help to put your mind at rest. I am shocked at the amount of kids dropped off at activities and left to go in while the parent drives off too lazy to even get out the car and check the leaders are all there.

One mum I know whos boys do running and swimming tries to help out at events and at the track some nights, after years of traing and competitions she knows the coaches well. If we all take a turn to hang about or give a hand it will help to protect all the kids not just our own.

Again, that sounds like a good plan, Skribble.

A lot of paedophiles, apparently, actively seek out single mothers via websites etc. They then 'make friends' and sometimes start relationships with these women and gain their confidence.

Then, when the mother wants/needs a night out with her friends, the paedophile volunteers to 'babysit.' The mother, who is probably desperate, is only too willing to accept the offer from their 'good friend/boyfriend.