exactly apple. In fact if my ex was abusive and had then gone on to kill someone I would think this was a time when I could at last be heard and that he would then hopefully be brought to justice.
I do think that it's impossible to comprehend just what it's like to live in a culture like that. In fact I think it's sometimes impossible to be totally aware of it until you don't have to live like it.
When I lived in South Africa having bars on the windows was just something you did. Having a gun was just something you did. My dad applied for a job in Joburg and I remember being excited at the prospect of potentially being able to get a big dog, because if you lived in Joburg that was just something you did.
When we lived in Zambia (I was a baby so this recollection is second hand) we were told that you don't put keys on the bedside cabinet at night because thieves will reach in through a window with a pole (covered in razer blades) in order to get them.
When I was at boarding school in SA a man broke in one night. He broke in through a downstairs window, bent the bars to get in, went into the kitchen and emptied the pantry of food. He then took it and hid it and then returned, went upstairs and went into every room until he came to one where a girl (my classmate) was sleeping on her own. He sat on the bed and when she sat up he told her to "shhh" she didn't - she screamed and he legged it. The police came, took statements, went looking, arrested someone, left. She went back to her room and there on her table was a six inch knife - he had clearly come armed but wasn't prepared for resistance.
You didn't walk around alone at night - and that was twenty years ago.
The best guard dogs are the crickets. The crickets chirp until something walks past them, and then they stop. So if they stop in the middle of the night the instinct is to wake up and wonder who is out there.
I could go on but I think you get the picture. The thing is that if this is how you grow up then this is the norm. You know what to do if you're broken into; you know how to react; this isn't a thing you hope won't happen - it's something you know likely will.
Except that you don't realise how it really is until you go and live in a country where you can walk the streets at night or leave your windows open (without bars) and where public transport is safe...