Controlled Crying - stress levels stay high even when babies have learned to settle themselves.

[Codandchops]

OMG!!!

Even worse is that I could not bear to leave my DS as a baby so used to sit in the room and re-settle him every 5 mins. How shit is that? He could see me for 5 mins at a time not comforting him (even though after every 5 mins I did comfort him).

Have always felt an irrational guilt about DS's autism and wonder if I made things worse .

Need to read the research and look at numbers involved.

Then frankly jenrose I can't help but think you've spent three years of your life needlessly having terrible sleep because you think your child is so unbelievably fragile that a few minutes of crying will damage them. It's ludicrous and there's no evidence and what's more I think it says more about a mother's inability to exist as a separate entity than it does the needs of the baby.

I couldn't bear to have to deal with a permanently tired baby or child and whats more I don't believe anyone needs to; it's a waste of everyone's energy.

Hiding this thread now. Although seeker your feigned innocence as to why your posts engender an "angry" reaction is risible.

Rockpool I remember those days. I only had the one dd. I had visions of throwing dd out of the window, another time I had packed up her stuff and tried to give her to the HV. I even started to see things that weren't there.

I do get pissed of with the 'I did it so you must too'.

like i said rockpool it worked for you but for many babies it doesnt.

and i know what its like to breakdown i had post partum psychosis after ds4 and spent time in a psych unit, it wasnt pleasant, dp then dealt with ds4 at night.

and lockets they are only little for a short period of time, those evenings cuddling them dont last all that long at all in the grand scheme of things, there are other gentler methods of helping babies learn to sleep, they may not be such a 'quick fix' (and cc is only a quick fix if it works for your baby, it doesnt always work!) but i would far rather spend the time encouraging my children to learn to sleep without leaving them crying.

I know Black.My poor dp who normally copes with anything looks like an old man in pics from back then.He was up all night then going to work and trying to write/design computer code and driving home at lunchtime to help out.Shit times to be frank.

The difference after cc was staggering.The twins were soooo happy,chilled and just blooming.I didn't realise how miserable they actually were before,I wish I'd done it sooner.

Dh is a software engineer. How we manage is that I cosleep with the little ones and he doesn't. He gets full night sleep and where I am sahm I rest while nursing.

5 thankfully I didn't breakdown but I would have done if not for cc and think of the stress on the dtwins that would have caused.

But 5madthings no one method works for every child. I know people that swear by pick up, put down yet it didn't work with my dd. The only thing that had any results was CC.

I can hear my 7 month old making rooting noises.. Dream feed and bedtime for me.

I don't think for one second I would or could change someone's opinion who has decided that babies must learn to self soothe. Idea is absurd to me as its a matter of maturity and will happen when it happens. What I do hope is that new parents will consider the bigger picture and not be pressured to leave baby to cry

I have followed this thread with interest over the past few days and have been fascinated by the extreme views.
I have 3. 2 boys who were very similar as babies and a girl who was so very different.
The boys slept through from 12 ish weeks, in my room but in a cot, my dd did not sleep through til a year. From birth-literally the night she was born- she'd go in her cot once fed and settle herself. But she was so easy at night that it did not matter that I was up once or twice over the 1st year. On the other hand, when the boys were up in the night - before 12 weeks- they were difficult to settle and I was often up for hours on end and as a result I was destroyed the next day(I know I cant complain as it was only for a short time!)
I guess what I'm getting at is that I had very different experiences with mine and I know from my experience how different night feeds/sleep disturbance can feel. So I totally get how cc has it's place.
As has been said before, horses for courses.
I did cc with ds2 at one point to help get rid of night time dummy (helped him sleep until he started losing it in the middle of the night). It involved one night and quite a lot of crying. I think it's done him no harm.

Rockpool After I did CC with dd, everyone was amazed by the difference in her, she became so happy and bubbly.

Mama I didn't find nursing restful,quite the opposite.Also with 2 it's continual then when dd came along I had two energetic toddlers to chase after.I had to have a decent nights sleep and dp didn't want to be away from the dtwins.He was at work all day so liked hearing them breath at night,cuddling etc.He also couldn't bare to think of me struggling all night alone.

black well let's be invest, you never really gave the alternative a chance as its much more a long game, so you don't know if it would have worked or not.

In the old days they used to put opium on babies dummies because "it worked".

And you know that how?

Black I know,they need the sleep as much as we do.

My twins are 8 now and get hacked off all the other kids stay up later outside than they do but they're happier and do better at school with masses of sleep.I really notice the difference if they're not topped up.

Oh and babies use to be swalled and left hung up on a hook back in the old days but I don't do that either

Rock pool - I've 3 children as well, so I do run after 4 year old a fair bit. But yes I have to stop to nurse, therefore I am resting (and playing on iPhone ). Dh is a deep sleeper and we don't feel it's essential for us to share a bed to be close to each other and he is very involved with dc. We eat together every night. Do bath time together, he reads ds2 bedtime stories etc as takes ds1 to rugby and scouts and is a scout helper there. The fact we sleep seperate means we all sleep well and that is important as everyone agrees for a happy home.

Well my mum put raw egg and a rusk in my bottle and I lived to tell the tale-slept well though.

Sorry mama but other methods wouldn't have suited us at all.All 5 of us absolutely loathed co-sleeping.What suited us as a family and made us all thrive was cc.

exactly mama i just would like people to read and get hte bigger picture, yes it works for some people and if you are lucky enough as rockpool and other have been and your baby only grizzles or cries for a very short time and then goes to sleep, then all is well, but many babies wont do that and i wouldnt want their parents to think they must continue or else their baby wont sleep, as thats simply not true, or else think they are doing something wrong etc and that is why their baby wont sleep. its nto that simple they are all different, all 5 of mine have been very different with their sleep and were soothed by different things but they all gradually learnt to self settle and sleep on their own, which imo is preferable to long period of crying and by long i mean more than the 5-10mins people have spoken about, tho i couldnt leave mine to cry for even 10mins, it just wasnt something i could do. as i said earlier in the thread for the average baby cc that works quickly and done over the age of 12mths with an otherwise loving family etc is probably fine, but i dont think its great fora baby under 12mths, esp not if they cry for long periods. some on here have had babies that settle quickly one said 3 mins even, but long periods of crying particularly when its nto a quick fix' of two or three night is very different from a baby that settles withint a few minutes.

re dummies at night, my first 4 never had them but dd does, i got her glo in the dark avent ones so she can find them at night! i just put 4 in bed with her and she finds them, half the time she doesnt even open her eyes anymore i can see her feel about for one in her sleep nad then she puts in herself :)

Wow you both went on to have more dc's.

DD in being an only child, I'm scarred for life after her first year.

Because you said you did cc and said it worked. So you don't know if they would of settled eventually without it iyswim.

Every family is different I know and what works, works. But the whole pressure of sleeping thro and controlling baby is IMHO a hinderance to parenting.

Ds1 I was new to it, listened to advice, had PND, pressured to stop bfing and hv adviced cc. It was fucking awful. It didn't work (I was in MBU), dr went mad at me for having my baby crying and said we dot have crying babys in this hospital. It was really really awful. All because I was trying to follow manuals, advice and be "perfect" mum.

Ds2 I followed my instincts. No PND bfed till 3.10, still cosleeping.

Dd is now 7 months and I'll do same with her.

The amount of pressure on new parents is horrendous. We don't need baby manuals, we need to trust our babies and out doors. Becoming a mother is a life change and we need to adapt to baby not the other way around

5madthings See I do agree with you there. Again I did CC with dd, but lets say that a friend was doing CC also but their dc was screaming for hours on end. My first words would be to go and get them and give them a hug as the CC isn't working. Its the same as dc's being sick.

Black dd was a very happy little bonus gift.I fell pg when the dtwins were 6months old and we'd started getting sleep again.See I have cc to thank for dd!

Seriously though I was better prepared for dd and did cc sooner,it was waaaaay easier.I also think 2nd babies tire more due to noise and over stimulation in the day from siblings so don't rule another out.