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Original poster

Child guru says nurseries harm small children

779 replies

flashingnose · 12/02/2006 10:15

oh dear

OP posts:
welshmum · 13/02/2006 13:27

I know that there are loads of children who get on well at nursery but I can't bear to see these babies crying and noone cuddling them - it's all they want . But at mealtimes the staff just can't do it all.

beartime · 13/02/2006 13:28

uwila - Some things in the Bible are specifically for that culture, but since the whole purpose of women from the beginning was to be a help to her husband, this isn't one of them.

Rudy - the problem with that is that Eve didn't come into the world as a baby, and neither did Adam. Besides, just because a butterfly starts as a caterpillar doesn't mean its always a caterpillar.

Normsnockers - i agree that nursery may have benefit for those parents who don't even know where their toddlers are because they are on drugs or neglecting them.

Hulababy · 13/02/2006 13:29

Have to say that DD has been to 2 different nurseries and at no point have I seen a child left to cry. And I have turned up at all sorts of times.

I agree I would hate to see a child left to cry ... infact if I had seen it I would have had to consider moving my child.

As it is both nurseries were great - surely can't be coincidence - and she has flourished in both.

Pagan · 13/02/2006 13:31

I've not read all threads but (takes deep breath) a lot of what he says just seems to make sense to me. Children learn from experience and from watching their parent(s). It's not just about the constant one to one but the learning by example. Now if you stick a load of kids in a nursery at a very early age then the are more subjected to learning from each other, thus more likely to run riot a bit. And I do think that once they are over 3 (as a general yardstick) they will be more confident to explore things by themselves and be more bored at home. And I also strongly agree that the government should help a parent stay at home to look after them as not only would it be best for the kids but it might bring a greater appreciation of the role that parenting plays.

I'll sit back and await the enslaught

Normsnockers · 13/02/2006 13:32

Message withdrawn

welshmum · 13/02/2006 13:34

Don't get me wrong I think our nursery is great - really perfect for dd and she loves it there. I'm also really fond of the women who work in the baby room but if the 3 babies they have all start crying at once they just can't deal with them all and all the other older babies in the room. Maybe I'm being to soft...they do seem to settle in eventually. After a couple of months they're much happier.

uwila · 13/02/2006 13:34

Beartime, I don't think I accept that the whole purpose of woman is to help her husband. Those words definitely are not in my bible.

I think that divisions of labour between husband in wife as stated in the bible were appropriate for the time when they were written. But not all can be strictly applied to today's culture.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 13/02/2006 13:36

beartime - can I recommend this article on the role of a man and woman within a Christian marriage......

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 13/02/2006 13:37

another link for you beartime here

oops · 13/02/2006 13:40

Message withdrawn

Pagan · 13/02/2006 13:41

I would also add that being a SAHP is NOT about overwhelming love. That ain't me. I'm underwhelmed if anything. Some It doesn't mean I don't love my kids but to me, staying at home to look after them is the best thing for them and society. There are days I could scream with the boredom of it all but again I think that is a reflection of the world we live in today. Going back to the learning by example addage of my previous post, in past times we would have learned how to be parents from our own mothers and extended family. Nowadays people are cast far and wide with no one to help. I tried to make friends at the local Mums and Toddler group but there were hardly any Mums there - childminder and gran group it should have been called. And while they were all very nice they had their own agendas and popping in on each other during the day for coffee wasn't part of the deal. Which leads back to the government making it easier for parents to stay at home then there would be a greater sense of community.

oops · 13/02/2006 13:41

Message withdrawn

oops · 13/02/2006 13:42

Message withdrawn

Pagan · 13/02/2006 13:47

OOps - you're welcome anytime .

motherinferior · 13/02/2006 13:47

I second Fennel's point way back on this thread.

I love my children with a primal and ferocious passion. I do not, however, want them to be my job. I have a job. I like my job. I need my job, in more than one sense.

So shoot me now, eh.

oops · 13/02/2006 13:50

Message withdrawn

uwila · 13/02/2006 13:52

MI, are you stalking me now? I mean really, agreeing with me is one thing. But this is a bit much.

oops · 13/02/2006 13:55

Message withdrawn

Pagan · 13/02/2006 14:11

Ah Oops - that's why I used the word parent very thoughtfully . And (to shoot myself in foot here also) my two go to a childminder for 4 hours a week. I justify it to myself as I don't have an extended family nearby to leave them with for half an hour whilst I nip to the shops.

oops · 13/02/2006 14:37

Message withdrawn

ruty · 13/02/2006 15:03

beartime i don;t want to get into a theological arguemnt but I come from a family of priests all the way down the line and my take on the Bible comes from them i suppose [not saying its a better take!]
But what strikes me as funny is how much of the Bible is at odds with what Christ actually says. His teachings are a bit at odds with everything else that is written with the interests of a patriarchal society in mind. Christ had a former prostitute as a disciple, so that;s good enough for me!
Normsockers i think what you're saying relates to parenting in general, not particularly to whether one should stay at home or not. Ofcourse, bad parenting is not going to cause problems for children whether they go to nursery or not. And good parenting is going to help children whether they go to nursery or not. As i said before, state nurseries need to be vastly improved. But i think what Biddulph is saying is that the ideal situation for under two's is one to one contact with a loving, responsible parent. The problem of having parents that aren't like that is a much bigger problem, and what we as a society do about that is quite a challenge.

ruty · 13/02/2006 15:04

er, i meant bad parenting is going to cause problems for children, not not cause problems!

expatinscotland · 13/02/2006 15:09

LOL @ 'beartime'!

Did a female healthcare professional help you deliver your child? Got a female health visitor or GP? Seen a female nurse at a family planning clinic?

Or should they all be staying home salaaming to their husbands?

What if you daughter wants to become a doctor, a surgeon, a lawyer, etc.? And happens to want kids and perhaps a husband as well. Should she give up saving peoples' lives b/c she first owes 'service' to her husband?

Nice try at a windup.

lazycow · 13/02/2006 16:08

my god beartime

When I was a sahm, my dh would come home to find no cooking or cleaning done and me on the floor crying as I was so depressed. Now I work PT I play with my ds more, cook more, clean more am more relaxed and my dh recently mentioned how much happier I am since starting work again. He is certainly much happier with me working PT (though if I was happy as a SAHM he'd be fine with that too).

We're all different you know and before I get the 'why have children unless you want to spend every waking hour with them?' question, not all of us know before we have children what effect it will have on us.

Greensleeves · 13/02/2006 16:12

I can't believe there are still women out there peddling that old "spare rib" shite. It's just so unutterably depressing.

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