This looks (from reading in the cold light of day - well night really I guess, looking at the time) a very odd argument in a lot of ways. (Ignoring the original premise of the thread about f4j, that is). A lot of opinions have been written as facts, and a few facts have been dismissed as opinions. So the way our legal system is based does go on precedent. That's just how it is, it has nothing to do with fairness or anything else - you can look at all sort of other areas of legal decision making in England and see the same thing happening. It's just how our legal system works. So edam and MOM, I don't see how you can state that this is not so. You might have opinions about why you think this is good, but that is a completely different matter. Evidence is that children who grow up with contact with both their parents do better than those that don't. This is not to say anything about individual cases, but on balance research has found that this is so. Mom you make some very sweeping statements that joint custody is very bad - on what evidence is this based? My understanding is that joint custody has had a good track record, and I am interested in where your opinion comes from (I wouldn't be able to quote anything myself, and I am not having a dig, just interested).
I have recently separated from my dh and we have two fairly small children (5 and 6). We have a joint custody arrangement. It is not ideal, but it seems to work, and the children have adjusted fairly well. We have made sure we live within walking distance of each other, and on the bus route to the children's school. We work out the best way to manage cover for each other when needed. We have joint after school arrangements. It is a stable arrangement which just involves having two houses (a fact which pleases the children at present). It avoids all fights about money, because we are individually responsible for the children's care. To me this has been a grown up way to work things out. The children are not possessions to squabble about. I am not so precious to believe that I am more important to the children than their father. We are both very important to them. At different times in their lives we have both been the primary care givers, and over the last two years dh has been mostly the SAHD. This frightened me hugely when dh said he wanted to seperate, as I thought I would lose the children. However the legal advice I recieved was that as the mother I shouldn't even worry about the possibility of not being granted custody. Well that is reassuring, but frankly very unfair. How can we possibly encourage our husbands, let alone our sons to be good and loving parents if this is not recognised or valued?