Working mums: new study finds going out to work has no harmful effect on small children

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello. We've just had the heads-up on this study suggesting that there are no significant detrimental effects on a child's social or emotional development if her or his mother works during her or his early years.

In fact, young girls may even gain from being in a household where their mother works, say researchers at University College London, in a UK-wide project funded by the Economic and Social Research Council.

These findings run counter to those of some previous studies, which have suggested that children whose mother works in the first year of their life may be more prone to bad behaviour, or even to be more overweight.

What do you think? Do the new findings surprise you? Or confirm what you already knew? Do tell...

but we have all met them,alphamums.bet youve met em too
by their fake tan,sunnies in all weathers and curled lip will you know them
why did you take offence?

I shouldn't have said 'you lot', 'twas rude Apologies for offense. As Ormirian said, there is no consensus to be had here. We make our choices and live with them, justifying them to ourselves and others. Good luck to you all, SAHM & WOHM. I am off to bed as I have to work tomorrow

Well yes I have met all types at the school gate. I for one have more of a blue scottish tone (yes I am from scotland) and a sour pus

Anyhow I will leave it here. I know this debate has been done to death but I think it is good that mums thrash it out a bit themselves, rather than being told by journalists and such how we should feel.

i like slinging the blingy mammies a rubber ear

Funny SM as I know a fair few WOHMs just like that, although they do work in lapdancing clubs!! just joshing. I was accused of being a working Mum recently because I dress nicely and wear a load little make up!! I think some people think what the fuck is there to dress for if you're stuck at home with children....

Too many bloodly professionals at my school with pull along briefcases or rather suitcases, barristers I think and loads of nannies(not with briefcases), some great some shit and don't mention the overworked and underpaid European au pair, looking tired and bewildered.

lol "accused odf being a working mum" ignimony,the shame of it
what a big brass neck that must have been

Sorry I knew as I typed I shouldn't have said accused, I couldn't think of the right word......mistaken MISTAKEN mistaken. She was a working Mum so I think it was a compliment.

nah, accused is funnier.made me snigger

I think I faux offended used that word to her, she'd spent the previous week as a dinner guest of a SAHM loudly talking about how loving your child means not leaving them....basically saying my friend was shit (now my friend) for working. She's an anaesthetist working three long days a week, a DH who has his own physio practice working four and a nanny for 2 days. Her kids are brats but that's nothing to do with how much she works, in fact it's better she does as the nanny offers loads more discipline!!

I am a SAHM, who works from home when DD sleeps. When I informed someone of this who I met recently and asked what I did, they said "blimey, you have the worst of both worlds"!

Oh how I chortled!

Surprise surprise - many of us already know this. I would go further and say that it is better for them in many (never say all) cases. The big thing is socialisation of course but also being so appreciated every moment they are at home. But the main thing I learned was that starting day nursery at 5 months - when maternity leave came to an end - was before the crucial 7 month stage when 'synapses' close and separation anxiety kicks in. I had never heard of this but discovered it through my own experience. If only parents were told that it is so important to leave them even for one day a week or a couple of half days before seven months then they will usually find nursery really exciting and not be anxious at all (but of course still delighted when Mum or Dad comes to collect them). But leave it till after 7 months and a number of children may be so distressed that it can undermine their confidence for life. Curiously although nursery staff hate to see a child distressed the other children don't seem to register it... As it is impossible to tell how it will be for your child the safest course is not to risk it but give them the experience around 5 months (or when the first baby is sitting up and looking around for more action at home). By that I mean leaving them at nursery not hanging around. No problem with feeding your own milk - get an electric breast pump and you're away. I am so thankful now but it was financially necessary at the time.

Surely this debate comes down to two major things:

1. Life in the UK has become so expensive - rents/mortgages high etc that we are forced into a situation of having to work to survive unless you stay at home with your parents until they die (perhaps this used to happen more in the past until you met your husband who took care of you?)
2. Women wanted society to change and we therefore adapt to that change. My generation (mid 30s) were told we can be whatever we want to be when we leave school. That did not include being a wife/motherhood, and why should it? What careers advice would that be? And that is the education we gain from being brought up in a family anyway, whatever that family for us was like.

So really, it is completely irrelevant to conduct studies on if being a working Mum is okay for the child. The child won't know any difference. Common sense says of course it would be best for Mum to bring up baby, but life is too complex now for that to happen every time. We are the generation told we can have it all! And we try to, and in the end that often means stressed, confused women who are pulled in all directions, then attacking each other facelessly on the internet for our decisions which are quite often out of our control anyway.

Why is everything always our fault ultimately, just for being a female? We just have to get on with it, and make it work as best we can and hope our children are happy and loved in the process.

'to all you maintained by dp,does he contribute to getting your career back eg pay for a course.firm offer to watch kids if you have interview, and commitment to be available in evenings for study, see pals etc etc. i would expect such a commitment if i were ever a sahm

the risk with a sole wage earner dh is he gets used to no childcare commitment and universal ability to attend meetings, stay late, meet tight deadline. so if when housewife wants change in status or arrangements wil the dp accommodate and change his work arrangements'

scottishmummy
Yes DH does contribute to my potential future career. Our joint money (yes his wages in the main) is paying for my OU degree. He has the kids every day for an hour at least while i study, often much longer. He also shares the day to day things like bathing etc. He often drops them at school, swim lessons etc.etc. He can stay late at work or have his leave cancelled without worrying as i am here. His job has severely affected my career chances. I used to work around him by working at weekends- 2 x 13 hr shifts- when he was home as he worked Mon-Fri. But his new job is constantly changing shifts, sometimes working away etc. Luckily it is usually 39/40 hours a week so he does still have lots of time with the kids-although he does do anti social hours. Often there is just me here Xmas, birthdays etc. However, I believe me doing this degree-and volunteering when DC5 is at school- will allow me to have a career in the future if I choose to. I do think i will want something when the kids have grown up as my MIL was a nightmare until she got a job. I am in my early 30s so have quite abit of time yet for a career. Gosh that was a long rambley answer!

I loathe the way working parents are deemed "wage slaves"
I love my job and feel I am making a huge contribution to society(NHS)
Who would teach your children,cure their illness,operate on them,saves their lives in an emergency,protect them from crime,build their homes or any other jobs that women do?
I was lucky to have an excellent maternity leave-paid for 9 months and took a year off with each DC.I returned parttime and DC cared for by my DP the 2 days I worked(flexible working)
The idea that the only "good" parent is a SAHM is crap .My own DM was a miserable , depressed SAHM - some parents are better parents because they work ,some better parents because they SAH.
The only truth is that SAHM can do it because someone is prepared to support them and their partner earns enough to do so.
I have just completed a child protection course as part of my job -some of it was horrific.
These are the children we should pity -those living in squalor,abject poverty and subject to violence and emotional abuse.
Not those who do the best for their families in the way they choose whether SAH or WOH .

people who decry wage slaves are usually wholly dependent upon wage slave.as they dont earn or work the wage slave has to.a curious concept, a wage slave,to maintain someone else alleged freedoms from money and capitalist associations. strikes me someone getting a bad deal...and it isnt the one fannying about on mn and finger painting and having precious moments.

but then the beneficiaries of wage slave salary are always quick to point out their man isn't a wage slave.no siree....

just us other working mugs it seems

scottishmummy spot on. Unless they are maintained by a trust fund/lottery win/state, there must be one poor mug wage slave in every household.

'fannying about on mn and finger painting and having precious moments' hahahaha. I know some will not appreciate this, but it made me laugh out loud. Thank god for nursery, I never need to bloody finger paint. Some lovely, young, enthusiastic people who adore my daughter do it instead instead of me looking at my watch and wondering when I can put all the craft shite away.

I'd like to know a bit more about the research.The op's link seemed to suggest it was based on questionnaires foucusing on no of tantrums etc.

Not being funny but wonder how accurate this must be as most mums when discussing their children's wellbeing can be quite defensive and this must alter answers. Also if a mother is not with her child all day I'm not sure how they can give accurate data on behaviour throughout the majority of the day.

I work(as do pretty much most of the mums I know) and I'm not judging.I just find the subject interesting. There doesn't seem to be a vast amount of data on this subject I guess due to the huge numbers of working mums being quite a new thing,even from when I was a child(70s).

Sigh, looking forward to an afternoon of lying in the sun watching LO playing in paddling pool..........once I've finished fannying around on mumsnet whilst my nails dry.

It ain't all bad if you ask me!

aye,meanwhile us wage slaves are doing something useful. whats your wage slave up to today?

He has been stuck in a too hot office being underpaid and undervalued, whilst trying to dream up ideas to make us rich beyond our wildest dreams so he can stop being a wage slave (I was one too for 17 years before becoming a Mummy so I've paid quite a lot in tax in my time. I feel totally guilt free in having a few years off!)

of course you feel guilt free.doing sweet fa.whilst your partner does his tin in to support you. nice

I love precious moments, who doesn't? They are precious afterall. Who couldn't enjoy singing, talking and laughing with their own children? Life couldn't be sweeter and all this for a simple exchange of labour.

I couldn't agree more, PosieParker. But then, it sounds like a few people don't seem to think so....

And for the record scottishmummy, my partner is delighted that I am the one bringing up his child rather than a stranger (very hard work it is too, rather than doing sweet fa). But that is our choice. And I feel we are lucky to have the choice?

Why is there only one way? It's a pile of shite, and we women are the worst for the competition.

There are loads of kids out there being well cared for by great mothers, some of whom work and some do not. Everyone wants to do the best for their kids and some people, not all, have choices. Can't understand the judgemental shit.

Do what you think is best for you and your family, and respect that your decisions might not be best for other people.

i am happy to be a good role model to my dc
work hard,maintain a job,dont become beholden or dependent to a partner.mummy works and contributes.and im delighted i chose nice strangers to raise the children whilst im at work.you see working means i can afford nice strangers and an excellent nursery