Working mums: new study finds going out to work has no harmful effect on small children

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello. We've just had the heads-up on this study suggesting that there are no significant detrimental effects on a child's social or emotional development if her or his mother works during her or his early years.

In fact, young girls may even gain from being in a household where their mother works, say researchers at University College London, in a UK-wide project funded by the Economic and Social Research Council.

These findings run counter to those of some previous studies, which have suggested that children whose mother works in the first year of their life may be more prone to bad behaviour, or even to be more overweight.

What do you think? Do the new findings surprise you? Or confirm what you already knew? Do tell...

'"no financial contribution" does not equal "no contribution".'Great point PianoClare.

Just been talking to another mum at soft play and we both worked after our first child but SAH with the others. We both said we didn't realise what we 'missed out on' with the oldest until we had stayed at home with the others. We actually surprised ourselves how much we loved SAH too and none of us had set out to do so.

jellybeans - my experience sounds like yours. It took working an
unusual part-time rota with intense periods of long shifts separated
by weeks off work to show me how entirely different my relationship
with my daughter was when we spent long periods of time together. Over
the weeks, we would develop a harmony and ease in our relationship.
Then, an intense period of work would come, and afterwards, that
intimacy would be broken. Over the following days at home feeding,
playing, going out, staying in, bathing, settling to sleep - doing all
the usual ordinary things in a small child's day - I would see the
deeper and closer relationship being gradually rebuilt again.

As many have posted, my small daughter had seemed OK to me before, and
part-time work had sounded like a reasonable compromise. It was only
through coming to spend long periods with her that I realised a
completely different relationship was possible, and saw her become
far more secure and contented. I do not at all mean to imply that we
have an idyllic or conflict-free relationship, just to say that I
found spending our days together produced a level of closeness
and a harmony that was absent before.

Not working after the birth of my second daughter further confirmed
how much I had missed with my first; either through being away at
work, or at times through being physically and emotionally drained by
work despite being then at home with her.

My partner is as dependant upon me, without me he couldn't earn as much.

but when the nursery staff spend more time with your child than the parents do, your child's predominant experience is being looked after by people who are working, and doing it for the reasons we often work for. So the parenting experience is a very small part of their day,5 days a week.
doh....
i'm not okay with that.

glad you are scot mummy.you need to be and i understand that.

what about school? or are you home schooling cherry?

to all you maintained by dp,does he contribute to getting your career back eg pay for a course.firm offer to watch kids if you have interview, and commitment to be available in evenings for study, see pals etc etc. i would expect such a commitment if i were ever a sahm

the risk with a sole wage earner dh is he gets used to no childcare commitment and universal ability to attend meetings, stay late, meet tight deadline. so if when housewife wants change in status or arrangements wil the dp accommodate and change his work arrangements

You can be a sanctimonious lot, you SAHM's.

I'm Mum to a teenager and a toddler and have met you lot at the school gates many times over the years (when I have been able to, work permitting). IME, when the kids hit 7 or 8, you find it hard to get back to your chosen careers and your kids will have more than just Mummy in their lives. And, FWIW, your teenagers are still friends with mine and are in some cases doing worse, in some better.

fortunately i have minimal school gate contact.another benefit of working dont have to be ignored by the wags

Avoid where possible. Unfortunately you can't be respected at work and in the playground unless you are the head teacher

What I find curious in this is it seems ok to be a sahm and give up paid work and spend more time with the children but surely this is at the expense of the father not being able to spend as much time with the children as he's the sole earner.

If my ex had stopped working I'd have had to work longer hours and seen a lot if the children as it was I managed to work part-time.

Truck I think it depends on the particular DH.

For example I don't think my DH would spend any more time with the DCs whether I was earning or not. He loves his job and wants to do it even though it has long hours and means he isn't at home much. It's not really about needing the money. (We don't have DCs yet so this might change when we do, but I suspect not).

If however there is a DH who wants to work less hard and spend more time with the DCs, but can't because their DW is a SAHM, then I agree that is unfair. But I suspect that's relatively rare.

Truck, I think couples should talk through the decision before it happens. From what I read on here it seems like a lot don't though, or at least that there are frequent misunderstandings of the role. Though that's a whole different thread really.

DH can't go part time and I would consider it but can't at the moment so we both work. we wouldn't be able to both go part time as there's no way we could afford it.

Truck - in many cases, parents are trying to find a set up where their pre-school children can be cared for full-time by a parent at home, and where a parent is able to look after the school-age children outside of school hours. Most people achieve this by either the wife or husband stopping work. Some people do manage it by both husband and wife securing part-time work, but it is more common for the first set-up to be the one that is either achievable, or preferred, or more financially viable, or perhaps more prudent when considering the effect of a period of part-time work on long term career prospects.

BrawToken - "IME, when the kids hit 7 or 8, you find it hard to get back to your chosen careers"

I completely agree, and particularly so in families with more than a couple of children. I know my career won't be waiting for me, so if I didn't think what is being gained is worth more than what is lost, I wouldn't be doing it. That's not to say that it won't be possible to find something stimulating/worthwhile to do outside the home when the children are older that still fits around their needs.

"And, FWIW, your teenagers are still friends with mine and are in some cases doing worse, in some better."

I'm not staying at home because I think it means my children will do better than someone else's, but because I believe it will help them to turn out as well as they possibly can. I'm surprised by the number of mothers who were in a position to give their teenagers a lot of time and attention who say that this was the period where they feel their input was the most valuable.

theres been talk of return to career at some point.to all you maintained by dp,does he contribute to getting your career back eg pay for a course, retraining.firm offer to watch kids if you have interview, and commitment to be available in evenings for study, see pals, network etc etc.

the risk with a sole wage earner dh is he gets used to no childcare commitment and universal ability to attend meetings, stay late, meet tight deadlines. so if or when housewife wants change in status or arrangements will the dp br able to accommodate and change his work arrangements

scottish I would imagine some DH's are inflexible no matter what their wives do. Some will afford the household income cuts to accommodate a career change or climb, some won't ....some will pay for retraining som e own't. One place not to ask this to get absolutes is MN. I'm really happy I stayed home with my dcs, it's certainly made me entrepreneurial...had I worked maybe I wouldn't be!!

hehe,mn is indeed not the home of definitive answers
although plenty do post in definitives
just genuinely wondering if couples do formalise or discuss trade offs, and plan for mum return to work

certainly for us, we planned and split cost of nursery items,prams etc and divvied up nursery fees etc in advance. worked out the costs up front

Look at you and your adult 'let's make a plan'!! I had no idea I wouldn't return to work!

i was researching nurseries ttc, had it booked 12wk pg
im a prolific list writer
knew id go back,always was the plan.

me too.....but then my boss was vile, the commute seemed ridiculous and I was expecting my second when firth was five months. Never one to make a plan!! Will be advising my dcs to be a little different!!

But what if I am quite happy not to have a career? Shock, horror. What if I am quite happy when the time comes to return to a job that isn't necessarily a career in the traditional sense?

Being referred to 'you lot' says a lot really

Oh and I absolutely want my kids to have more than me in their lives, but even now I have a multitude of other parts of my identity. I read, I write. I love film and I have friends. I have my dh. I grow my own food and I love to cook. I have done night classes.

Life is not just about a fucking career to some. Sure we all need to work at some point to pay the bills (and of course for some that means working full time, all the time), I don't own my house because I have relied on my dh forever. I worked and I worked hard as a nurse to build up the modest home I have.

noone said you lot,did they?
i asked a global question to the sahm on post. addressed a group as all of you, all you given i wasn't addressing anyone in particular.

youre being too picky.again

I couldn't give a shit who works and who doesn't, I don't think the only good role model is a working women, same as the only good parent isn't at home. We can all be everything we want if we have choice, seems like many of us are lucky enough to exercise that choice.

This one runs and runs doesn't it?

This particular study, flawed or not, states that working doesn't hurt children. It isnt the only one, nor is it definitive but if you don't go out to work it isn't an issue for you is it?

I was refering to BrawToken's 'have met you lot at the school gates' i.e. sanctimonious SAHMs

Ormirian - no it isn't an issue for me. I genuinely believe that children of working mums are fine, if they are loved and supported that is all that matters. I am certainly not sanctimonious about not working.

What fucks me off, and I have tried to state this time and again - is the attitude that (by some not all) that sahms must be bored and unfulfilled. That life is about which rung of the career ladder you are on and how much you earn.