Lady who killed her DS/Autistic son given 2yrs suspended.

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He was 45 and she was sole carer. Apparently at the end of her tether. She gave him tranks and suffocated him. He used to beat himself and made himself blind in one eye.

She got 2yrs with 18 months suspended sentanc.e

very sad case.

currently in discussions about having nuchal fold scan with DH, he is for it and i am against as far too emotional about life to consider termination but this makes me think again i must say

I would have to say having DS child is one of the conditions I am least worried about.
I worked with families of adults with learning disabilities for four years. The vast majority of adults with DS I met were able to lead relatively independent and happy lives. They just needed more support.

I am more concerned about the conditions that cant be tested for and are therefore unknown.

By the far the most tragic and inspirational family I ever worked with were a family whose children had vaccine damage. The mother dedicated (single-handly)30 years of her life caring for her children and then one died whilst in respite care.

Lynn, Mrs F, you are not alone.

doormat- it's the complete houseboundness that gets me. We've had direct payments for a while now- I've found it easy enough to get people who will lend a hand, or help with the other 2, but very hard to find someone who can cope with ds1. We are lucky that we do now have 1 person (a mumsnetter!) who has done things like PECS training and has lots of autism experience, but people like her are very rare. It does mean I get a few hours in the holidays where ds1 can go and be safe and have a good time (he loves it) and I can rush around out of the house and do the stuff that needs doing.

Most govt money coming in for SN now is for inclusion policies. so locally they'll pay for a child to go to a mainstream playscheme with a helper. Fine for children who are high functioning, but completely inappropriate for someone like ds1. In the meantime "pure" SN playschemes are losing funding. They shouldn't be removing money from 1 SN sector to fund something that those children cannot then attend. Arse is all I have to say on the matter.

totally agree with you baka
mumsnetters are so kind

but can we all come up with ideas for change

everyday we hear on here (and this is a small portion of mums) how they have to fight for what is entitled re dla, funding, the list goes on and on

why should we have to fight
sorry just being revolutionary at the mo

I agree- I just think the people who make the policy don;t get it at all. They don't understand the sort of needs that the severely disabled population have and why they can't just be included in any old mainstream thing by bunging a few untrained, inexperienced helpers in. Maybe we need David Cameron to get into office Not that the Tories have a glowing record with special schools etc!

I don't know what we'll do when we do need respite. I can't imagine ds1 coping with going anywhere. At the moment we go away for a few days about once a year (last year and this year) and my mum and dad move into our house. But they won't be able to do that forever. So many places are just completely unsafe for him.

I should look up AIM again (autism in mind) they campaign kind of radically, well stroppily- realistically. I think a lot of banging heads against brick walls goes on though.

Our SS dept has just recieved a 2nd damming report. It's a small dept (a city authority) and is 32 SW short. Doesn't help that the city includes one of the most deprived areas in Europe. No wonder it took a year to sort out direct payments.

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lynny...that's lovely...in a sad way...bit like how i put off going to bed cos it means i have to wake up.

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where did you find such a 'deep' poem?

Thanyou for understanding my complex mind!!!

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I am so in awe that you can write so clearly!
My mind is a flood of words...but cannot order them so well!

can i 'adopt' that poem...and KEEP IT????

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The Mail has this on its website, by Rosa Monckton (Princess Diana was her DS daughter's godmother) complaining about the lack of support for SN children once they reach adulthood.

I THINK WHAT IS 'NIGGLING' AT ME AT THE MOMENT...IS THOUGH MY SONS ARE CLASSED AS hIGH fUNCTIONING AUTISM/ASPERGERS...AND THOUGH IN MANY WAYS MY LIFE IS FAR EASIER THAN IT COULD BE IF THEY WERE LESS VERBAL ETC.....ooops soory about caps!

It's just that leigh - my 9 year old...is emotionally like a 3/4 old...and he was like that at 5 6 7 and 8...so i am not thinking regression...but more that he isn't moving forward in that way...so i am worried that he will become the teenager - with emotioal age of 4...then an adult with an emotional age of 4.

will he still throw tantrums rolling around the pavement ...oblivious to passers by etc.....

then...i feel guilty co if 'that' is 'all' i am worried about...then i'm being silly.

but then it hurts co i cannot ever imagine him being independant of me...even though he is so physically able.....emotionally he cannot hold his own.

the other day he was hysterically crying because he'd read in a book that the egyptians predicted that the world will end in the year 9000 (!!!!)...it shocked me how upset he was...how panicked he was...he said he didn't want to die..i explained that would be way past his lifetime..he then said his descendants would be killed when the world ended...i explained how that was like 90 generations down the line...he wanted to know HOW it would end...could we stop it happening.

now this is the child who at 9 is mathmatically aged 12+....but who cannot grasp that what he read was simply a prediction...he takes everything so literally,

he refused to finish reading the book.

lynny, I usually HATE SN poems (and I'm known for it on MN) but one written spontaneously by someone who has posted so eloquently too, even I can appreciate. MrsF, your posts are great too, esp on this thread.

Thanks for the link Janh- I think she's right when she says "Speaking as Domenica's mother, it is hard to describe the love you have for a child who is handicapped. It is peculiarly intense. Your natural maternal protectiveness is much sharper."

I had no idea that they were shutting day centres- which idiot in central govt is responsible for that decision? Don't tell me they're aiming for f inclusion. I felt a gnawing anxiety on reading that as I'm not sure what will be available for children like ds1 at adulthood. I doubt we'll be able to manage him full time, which means we're looking at residential with no choice. Which means social services (in whom I have pretty much zero confidence) will be responsible for his welfare. What a thought.

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baka (jimjams?) there is more about the cuts in provision in the Observer today - it sounds as if spending is being frozen rather than cut, but as numbers are rising it means there is less to go round

Have been thinking about this thread for a couple of days. I just wanted to add, that whilst there is a lack of appropriate support available for people with severe learning disabilities (however you class them). I have seen quite a number of individuals ( with very high support needs) go from strength to strength, increasing there independence and social skills, when they have entered residential care. So its not always bad news.

yes- janh () Thanks again- very depressing reading

The latest respite centre to shut close to us cared for children and adults who required nursing care (very severely disabled children). There's nowhere else for them to go.

I know how lucky I am now as well. I contacted SS when I was in early pregnancy with ds3 - a year later support had finally been organised. Without it I think I would be sinking now.

thanks davros....i feel i talk a load of twaddle!!!!

I still feel my insight is cos i live AS...not just live with it...my husband is sure i am AS.....ah well....labels...signposts.....