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Original poster

Lady who killed her DS/Autistic son given 2yrs suspended.

71 replies

Flum · 02/11/2005 21:29

He was 45 and she was sole carer. Apparently at the end of her tether. She gave him tranks and suffocated him. He used to beat himself and made himself blind in one eye.

She got 2yrs with 18 months suspended sentanc.e

very sad case.

currently in discussions about having nuchal fold scan with DH, he is for it and i am against as far too emotional about life to consider termination but this makes me think again i must say

OP posts:
BudaBabe · 02/11/2005 21:30

Saw this on the news today and my heart went out to her I must say.

No winners in this situation.

expatinscotland · 02/11/2005 21:32

She and her GP had been begging local authorities for help for years. She'd had ongoing problems with depression.

A sad situation for all concerned. The sytem let both her and her son down.

geekgrrl · 02/11/2005 21:38

but flum - the nuchal won't detect autism, which was the thing that pushed this woman over the edge.

Sorry, but a lot of us parents of children and older individuals with DS are very upset about the way this case has been reported, with the autism usually mentioned as an afterthought, when clearly the behavioural issues arose from that rather than the DS, and probably the bad situation at home.

Apparently the woman had been offered help repeatedly.

Original poster
Flum · 02/11/2005 21:41

Not sure of the details of the case. I know nuchal fold only looks for DS and then not v. effectively and I know DS is perfectly liveable with for all concerned but it did make me think.

OP posts:
bakabat · 02/11/2005 21:47

Living with SIB (self injurous behaviour) is incredibly difficult. It;s the one thing that makes me see red. DS1 today has hit his head so hard and so repeatedly that he has an eggy lump and bruising on his forehead. All because the neighbours are decorating and had their front door open (sigh).

As geekgrrl said its autism that gives the behavioural difficulties (and is something that SS are often completely unable to deal with as they don't get it- heard some horror stories from parents of adult autistics),

TwoIfBySea · 02/11/2005 22:12

I heard that she had dedicated her life to looking after her ds, I felt sorry for her, she is probably punishing herself enough.

Davros · 02/11/2005 22:51

I found this very interesting and felt it was a look into the future for me I'm always saying that when I can't look after DS anymore I will kill us both. As we are having a big review meeting next week I will even resort to quoting this case as I am going to try to get Soc Svs to fund some residential respite or fund my rope.

aloha · 02/11/2005 22:52

Davros
A very, very sad case.

milward · 02/11/2005 22:54

geekgrrl - I heard on the news that after the time he spent with other carers his behaviour was even more difficult.

maomao · 02/11/2005 22:54

Davros

Davros · 02/11/2005 23:07

Maomao!! Where have you been????
My last post is absolutely serious but you know me, I tend not to let it show and just keep going and enjoy as much of life (and DS) as I can. But the reality of that situation, oooerrrm.

monkeytrousers · 03/11/2005 09:24

Really tragic. I'm glad she wasn't sent to prison though. And some disabled groups will be saying this gives parents a 'licence to kill'.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2005 09:32

This lady was at the end of her tether. The judge certainly thought so. I can't imagine contemplating such a thing - or what could drive her to - that's what makes such a case even more tragic.

It does raise some challenging issues as to care for disabled adults after their carers may have passed on or become unable to care for them any longer.

coppertop · 03/11/2005 09:37

When you don't have a child or other family member with SN you just kind of assume that the families who do will automatically get the help and support they need. I know that it's the way I used to think. It's only when it happens to you that you realise that 99% of the time you have to fight for what you are supposedly entitle to. Unless the system is changed then I fear we will continue to see these kinds of cases.

bakabat · 03/11/2005 09:40

Often the help you are offered is inappropriate anyway. The first help that SS offered us I refused as I didn't feel ds1 would be safe. We now have a system in place that works very well for us, but until a recent change in the system (the introduction of direct payments) wouldn't have been a possibility.

zippitippitoes · 03/11/2005 09:46

I understood that it as his autism being the real source of his problems obviously complicated by his downs syndrome but hte former being the real issue.

I think it is the growing up of children with major dificulties into adults with major difficulties that is so hard..

i have immense sympathy for anyone in this situation, as no one is going to care as much as you do and the pressure is relentless even when there is some help available.

bakabat · 03/11/2005 09:50

a lot of people with learning difficulties have autistic type behaviours, sometimes it warrants a separate diagnosis. I suppose the issue is that challenging behaviours and self injurous behaviour is hard to deal with. I find it hard enough in a 6 year old.

zippitippitoes · 03/11/2005 09:53

I think we are programmed to be able to teach our children but knowing that they are moving forward...it's the not moving forward and the endless nature of caring in that situation which i can see is so difficult

Davros · 03/11/2005 10:02

I CAN imagine comtemplating it (and have) and totally understand what could drive her to it.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2005 10:07

Yes, Davros, that is what makes the case even more tragic. .

When I worked in nursing home, we had several DS patients who had developed early-onset Alzheimer's, with particularly severe 'Sundowner's Syndrome'. The charge nurses said they were seeing a lot more of this, as advances in medicine made it possible to correct many of hte health problems that sometimes accompany diseases like DS and the lifespan increases for such patients.

But it's almost impossible for a single adult to care for a fully grown adult w/severe Sundowner's, so these patients carers - if they were still alive - were forced to place their loved one in nursing homes.

Davros · 03/11/2005 10:13

It seriously have thought about it in the future, esp if anything happened to DH, this poor woman was on her own. Just last night I was brushing DS's teeth and thought, "I've got to brush someone else's teeth for the rest of my life".... it was a strange thing to think about. We are currently considering residential school for DS but, as Bakabat says, the option of the "help" you are sometimes offered or "solutions" such as residential are not always the right thing. Not because the help is no good or because parents are martyrs, but the fall out that you then have to deal with makes it not a good choice which is what happened to this woman. I am trying to get Soc Svs to fund some residential respite, say a weekend a month, and hope this will be enough to help us out and give DS an inroad into some independent care. You HAVE to let them do things without you and he already does some activities and playschemes without us, but we didn't do this until he was 8 (he is now 10). I know a couple of parents who don't allow their child with disabilities to do ANYTHING without them and, as long as the setting/activity really IS appropriate then I think they are making a BIG mistake. The relationship with a disabled chid is so intense, usually for the mother, that you have to hunt around for solutions and be creative but its very hard work. As for adulthood, urgh shudder!

lynny70 · 03/11/2005 10:23

Message deleted

zippitippitoes · 03/11/2005 10:36

Lynny

As much as anything can your post gives someone like me an insight into life which is unknown to most of us

I worked at one time in a private psychiatric hospital/nursing home where there were adults with difficult behaviours in one "wing" (it was some time ago) as well as acute patients in another area.

And it was at that time quite an unreconstructed place but working as a carer was hard but we had our own room to go to when off duty..parents face getting older themselves never being off duty, and deserve as much support as possible I hope it is there for you and those who need it

expatinscotland · 03/11/2005 10:39

A brave post, lynny. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Caligula · 03/11/2005 10:47

There was something on Today about this this morning and the woman had been offered "help" but of course it was inappropriate help and absolutely unsuited to her and her DS's circumstances. For example, she was offered respite care for the son, but every time he went to respite when he came back his behaviour was worse and it took her weeks to get back into the swing of things, so it ended up being more trouble than it was worth.

The help and support they give has got to be suited to the actual needs of the individual families, or it's not help and support, is it?

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