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Original poster

Do you let your DC go to the toilet alone when you're out?

36 replies

chicaguapa · 29/01/2011 11:59

There's a shocking story in The Sun today about two poor little lads that were abused in the toilets in McDonalds while the dad sat at the table nearby. This stuck a cord with me as DS(6) went to the toilets by himself yesterday in Ikea while me and DD were eating our meatballs. It hadn't occured to me that anything horrible might have happened to him in a toilet in a shop (public toilets in a park for some reason seem different) and I just thought I was helping him with independence. I feel awful now.

OP posts:
onimolap · 29/01/2011 12:04

Yes, at some point you have to (and this point comes earlier for mothers with sons and fathers with daughters rather than same sex pairings).

Random stranger abuse of that type is very, very rare (hold that thought for reassurance).

I still tell my DS that he's to go straight in, do the necessary, come straight out, speak to no-one and if he's more than 5 mins I'll embarrass the heck out of him by coming in to get him.

I can't remember exactly when he started going by himself - probably 6-7ish.

Chil1234 · 29/01/2011 12:10

Don't feel awful. The MacDonalds-type incidents are extremely rare and we shouldn't let a few random events change our behaviour. Single mother of a son here and similar to onimolap I advise him not to speak to anyone, come straight back and I also tell him to use a cubicle rather than urinals.

Original poster
chicaguapa · 29/01/2011 12:39

Hadn't considered the logistics of DS having to go into the Mens on his own at some point anyway. Thanks! I feel a bit better now, though very Sad for those two little boys.

OP posts:
cory · 29/01/2011 16:16

Yes. I also let dcs travel in the family car despite regular reports of children dying of the most horrendous injuries from car crashes. And let them attend playschool despite recent stories of nursery staff abusing children. You can't keep them 100% safe. The time comes when they have to start practising independence.

Hatesponge · 29/01/2011 16:27

Incidents like this, while appalling, are thankfully very rare. Those poor boys :(

I'm a single parent of 2 boys, and I've also always told them go in, come back out quickly, don't talk to anyone thing.

When eldest was 7 or so I also used to stand outside the main door, and as he went in say quite loudly through the open door 'ok be quick, mum's waiting right here'. in my own head, this made me feel better, no idea if it could have kept him safe but it helped me adjust to that step of him going on his own.

Lamorna · 29/01/2011 16:32

We have a public loo near us where a woman was murdered by a random man, I still go to public loos. There may be a terrorist attack on the underground, I still travel on the underground. If you keep your DC safe at home an aeroplane may crash into the roof!
Life has to go on.
If you are out and about with just you and your DS he may need to go to the toilet and after 6yrs he is too old for the ladies, and if he is like mine her wouldn't go in the ladies at that age!
Give him some basic rules.

Ephiny · 31/01/2011 13:43

It's an awful thing to happen but agree with everyone who's said it's rare, and you can't wrap your children in cotton wool for their entire lives on the off-chance of some awful but rare thing happening to them. What's the alternative - he keeps coming into the Ladies with you until he's an adult? You never go out anywhere where he might need to use a public loo?

I've heard stories of adult women being assaulted in public loos, but it doesn't stop me using them if I need to.

Niceguy2 · 31/01/2011 13:49

No I don't. DD is 14 now and only allowed to go to the toilet on her own when armed security have cleared the building and I have personally removed the ball of cotton wool from around her.

McHobbes · 31/01/2011 13:50

Yes I do.

BeenBeta · 31/01/2011 13:56

No. I always go in with DSs and when DW is out she sends them on the disabled toilet and stands outside. They are age 8 and 10.

Its not so much what other people might do but that public toilets are so filthy and often broken.

The only place they go on their own is in our local Pizza Express and we still watch like a hawk and go and investigate if they are not back in 2 mins.

donkeyderby · 31/01/2011 20:19

The disabled toilets are for disabled adults and children. I trust your children are disabled BeenBeta?

I send my son in the men's toilets and wait outside the door, hawk-like

BeenBeta · 31/01/2011 20:25

No the are not disabled but as DW is outside and no disabled people have ever been waiting before or after there is no harm done.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 01/02/2011 08:17

Good answer BeenBeta.
I'd like the chance to go to the toilet on my own. DD is like a bloody limpit and far too interested in the sanidisposal boxes for my liking.

Bucharest · 01/02/2011 08:21

You are still taking them to the toilet aged 10, BB?

Do their friends not laugh?

Apart from that, what Cory said.

mamalino · 01/02/2011 08:35

This is going to kick off.

Toilets and other facilities for people with disabilites...are for the use of people who actually have disabilities. It's not fucking rocket science.

But we've done this before and it never changes.

GooseyLoosey · 01/02/2011 08:36

I let ds(7) and dd(6) go by themselves, but I stand by the exit. If they took longer than a couple of minutes I would go and get them. If I didn't like the look of someone who went in, I shout to ds to hurry up as that way everyone knows his mother is right by the door.

You have to let them do things by themselves otherwise they will never develop the skills they need to be independent and to assess risk. Its hard sometimes though.

ivykaty44 · 01/02/2011 08:37

The reason this story has made the newpapers (well sort of newspaper) is due to the fact it doesn't happen often and that is what makes it "news"

It is similar with car crashes - they very rarely end up on a newspaper cover or even inside - unless it was a 80 year old driver goign the wrong way on a dual carriage way.

News are items that are unusual

ivykaty44 · 01/02/2011 08:39

using disabled toilets is like praying in the breast feeding area of JL

Ask the shop to provide unisex toilets or a toilet for parents and dc

Then no-one is put out or in the wrong farking place

GandalfyCarawak · 01/02/2011 08:40

I sent my DS (5) into one on his own a few weeks ago for the first time. I stood by the exit so I could hear himm, but I still felt that he was a little young.

shockers · 01/02/2011 08:47

My daughter does not have an obvious disablity but had LD is is socially inept. When she went to the loo in a play place on her own, she took a 3 year old into the cubicle with her... she is 11. Because of this, I now either take her myself or ask my son to take her to the disabled toilet. They have been told off by adults for using them in the past. The whole issue of disabled parking spaces/ toilets is a thorny one. My daughter receives DLA so I justify my use of the toilets that way. However, I reckon that with her current difficulty understanding social norms, I would encourage her to use it anyway.

shockers · 01/02/2011 08:50

has LD

southeastastra · 01/02/2011 08:55

it's a rare occurence, you'd not let your children do anything if you read every news story going

and especially the sun Hmm

and yes i do like my ds(9) use the loo in public alone but he isn't think and knows how to protect himself from nutters anyway

Bucharest · 01/02/2011 08:59

Those who don't.....do you leave them alone with male relatives?

(statistics probably not terribly newsworthy for the Sun, I admit)

QED.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 08:59

Yes I do let them. Even in busy places - and quiet, DS2 (7) and DS1 (10) both go on their own,

For obvious reasons I still take DS3 (3) into the ladies with me.

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2011 09:24

I agree with ivykaty - the reason it is news is because it is rare.

Glad to see that most people are being sensible about risk.

Eventually your children will have to go to public places without you. Better if they get some gentle practice.