Lone parents expected to seek work when kids are 5?

[champagnesupernova]

Just catching up on yesterday's news and saw this and was surprised there wasn't anything about this on here already

What do you think?

In our schools, children who cannot afford to pay for the school trips stay in the classroom.

our school makes you write a letter to the HT setting out your finances, what you spend and why you cannot save for the trip.
Very embaressing. So they stay home 'sick'.

that is very sad cory. those poor children must feel awful and will probably remember that feeling of being 'different' for a long time.

good about wrap around care though-we need more affordable and good care for kids. however, our goverment would rather spend stupid amounts of cash opening 'free schools' and paying their pals lots of money to set it all up for the benefit of only a few children.

Schools should have a hardship fund for trips, we say to our students or their parens when we set a trip if you are on FSM you can send a letter with evidence to the school and we can provide financial support. Sometimes the school pays for half the trip and sometimes the whole trip. You do not have to go into detail about what you spend, you just need your benefit entitlement letter.

I was cross when my daughter said that there were two kids in her class getting a trip paid for (not cross about that bit) and the teacher announced to everybody what they owed and then said 'you two get it free,' in front of everyone. The rest of the day the other kids were saying how it wasn't fair that they had to pay and the other two got it 'free'. It should be discreet. Luckily my DC have been brought up to have alot of respect for all people and especialy lone parents so they just ignored the silly teacher.

Married/cohabiting parents stuggle to pay for trips too!

Even those not claiming benefit. My yr6 child has one in the summer that costs £250!

And we struggle to find the money to pay for school dinners. It seems unfair to me that if you don't claim benefits it's assumed that you can easily find the money for these things.

We are in a supposedly posh area, and no help has ever been offered.

yes DS1's Yr6 trip will cost £220.

I started saving as soon as I'd finished paying off his YR4 trip.

Neither of the DS's schools offer extra help for those specifically on FSM's (lone parents or cohabiting).

Although in years gone by when exH was working (and I think I was at the time - can't quite remember) I know I couldn't find the money for one trip, I spoke to the school and they did help out on that occasion.

The junior school definitely doesn't offer any help for the "extra" residential type trips though.

Not all those eligible for FSM's claim them either, I didn't for 6 months after going onto benefits. And there are approx 25 families eligible for them at DS2's infant school, only 4 actually claim them.

The ones that bug me are the day trips where the school asks for a 'voluntry contribution', then says at the end of the letter that the trip won't be able to go ahead if not enough parents contribute.

They know that everyone will contribute, but it seems a bit sad that they get the children all excited about it if there's a chance it won't happen. (they know the trip is planned because they bring home the letters)

thats exactly what ds's A level trip letter says. £200! For 3 days.
Its next week.
I dont have the money.

Deadly - that's shite.

When DS1 started the junior school after about 2 terms I went in and complained about the short notice for money for trips.

They have improved since then (I wasn't the only parent to complain - and litle did I know that one parent I was moaning to was about to become a parent governor).

They now also send out a letter at the start of each school year for all the trips that are planned for the year that your child is in, along with this school years cost where known, or at least last years actual cost given, to give us a better chance to plan ahead.

Speaking as a single parent, who has not family around (none whatsoever here or in any other place in the country, and that my ex has elected not to have contact with his child), I'm pretty much convinced that that change is not only fair but good even if it for the simple reason of enabling the parent to become financially independant long before the children no longer qualify for tax credits or other benefits.

What I have learned while I was getting benefits as a lone parent is:

• The longer you are unemployed, the less likely you are to get a job, any job. Good, bad, well paid (forget about it!), badly paid, child friendly or not. It is certainly better to have a 5 year unemployment gap than a 16-19 years one.

• Even with a meagre salary, you are way better off working than in JSA/lone parent support. Working Tax Credits make a HUGE difference

• This move enables the job centre to provide as much support as they should. If you show interest in getting a job, they do as much as they can to help you out. Yes, the job market is a disgrace at the moment, but you need to keep trying, but if you don't find a job, the only difference between being registered as a lone parent and being in JSA is that you will have to go to sign every second week. IMO that is not too much to ask considering how much you are getting in benefits.

Putting the financial aspect to the side, I have found out that by working I have time to be myself not someone's mum all the time, which has made wonders for my confidence. I still worry about the money but not as much as when I was in benefits. The above obviously have an impact on the relationship with my son, as I have a bit of a life out of the house, I enjoy more thetime with my son, I have a bit more money to do special things and not being so stressed about money helps me to be more relaxed which is great considering the amount of stuff you have to cope with when you are the only adult in the household.

well this is all fair and well if you can find a job that fits in with school hours?

What about holidays?

Children still need dropped off and picked up. Helped with homework, asked about their day, supported etc. There seems to be a presumption that once they go to school, life's a dream

There are hardly any jobs as it is and certainly not ones that are within school hours. There aren't even many jobs in nursing now which could fit around school hours

Yes pre/after school clubs and all that. But it is too simple to presume mothers sit on their arse all day while their kids are at school.

"Yes pre/after school clubs and all that", same goes for holidays. How do you think working parents cope with holidays?

No, life isnt a dream 21again
In fact I have found it a darn site HARDER since DS started school than I did when he was in full time nursery, but you see I dont have a choice. At all.

Ex naffed off leaving me with 18 month old and a big mortgage and rent to pay, and as I am in part rent part buy key owner I dont qualify for any help for housing benefit. Couldnt sell as I had only been in house 3 months, cant afford legal fees to get ex taken off mortgage etc
If I dont work we are homeless, it really is that simple.
So I work full time as I always have, (now almost full time, as I dropped 3 hours so I can do 2 school pick ups a week), and still manage to help with his homework, look after the house etc etc
I would love 6 hours a day to just go home while he is at school, but I cant. and why should I?

so we're still stuck with this idea that SAHM's sit on their arse all day - lovely.

I often wish I could ditch 2 children - I'm sure it would be SO much easier to find work and childcare

21again the things you list can also be done if the parent works.
MaMoTTaT whilst I wouldn't say that SAHMs do nothing, I don't think you can equate the workload they have to with a parent who works as well as they have to do the housekeeping and go out and work.

"Children still need dropped off and picked up. Helped with homework, asked about their day, supported etc." - so those things dont also happen in working households that dont have the luxury of staying home at somebody elses expense? Same goes for childcare.

SAHM who have school aged children get 6 hours a day child free, it certainly doesnt take 6 hours every day to do the housework so unless the person volunteers for charity etc then its fair to say that they will have a lot of luxury time to themselves. Fine if you are not doing it at the cost of the state but not if you expect somebody else to fund that luxury.

Why do we need to keep up this pretense that sahm's are busy all day every day while their children are at school. It's simply not true. It doesn't take that long to get the shopping in and make the house reasonably clean.

They are all home at the moment, and we are all on MN!

I had one term of not working when my youngest started school, and it was boring! Now I work four days a week during term time, and can still manage to be a lazy cow on my day off if I want to. The house doesn't fall apart, and my children still get fed.

I don't care what SAHM do all day as long as, like HappyMummy said, they do are not doing whatever they are doing at the cost of the state.

Maybe doing some sort of charity work would be part of the answer. It would be much easier to fit in to school hours, and at least people on benefits would be contibuting something to society. It would make people more employable when they are ready to go back to full time work, and if they still have to live on benefit, they'd be doing something to earn it.

I won't argue with that child free time being a luxury, it's pretty good having 15 hours a week where i don't have to be available for my children.

Was the same when I was working nights, was heaven being able to do something productive while not being in charge of my kids. In that case it was exH that had to be available for them and the nights out I got with home at home with the kids were great too.

Though when I was a SAHM while exH was working in his well paid job that really WAS a luxury, he funded it, and I sat on my arse all day and did nothing for anyone

It's been great since DS3 started nursery, gives me a chance to get on with stuff without him trying to help, and no I'm not talking about housework, that waits until they're all at home so they can help.

Now if youll excuse me this lazy SAHM with loads of luxury time needs to pick some stuff up that I need to have turned into a leaflet, along with the newsletter by Saturday evening.

Damned half term

WRT to school trips, dd has just started Primary in Belgium. They do a residential trip (1 week) to the seaside in Year 3 and 2 weeks !!!! skiing in Year 6. I have the option to start paying a small amount monthly from now onwards which is great. The trips are part of the curriculum and are compulsory.

Well I am considering giving up my 4 day a week job as I frankly can no longer cope with it.

I have a ds with problems at scool and am starting out on the SN route of diagnosis and fights with the LEA and school

I have very frail elderly parents who live over an hours drive away in their 80s who I help take care of and who I help negotiate the nighmare of the NHS system. My mother is likely to be having a major operation, one she may not survive and if she does she will need great deal of care afterwards.

I have a niece and nephew who have recntly become orphans and who live in another country who I am currently spending much more time with so am flying to another country every 6 weeks for a week or two at a time and in the new year will be flying out for long weekends every month.

I am also a school governor and the work involved in that takes up several hours most weeks

I feel that work is just one step too far at the moment yet on the face of it I have one 6 year old, so why would I not work? You don't always know what people have going on in their lives.

"I'm guessing shopping, gardening, cooking, cleaning, Reading at school, voluntary work, preschool committee etc"

Reading at school?
Voluntary work?
School committes?

These are luxuries. Give them up.

I don't see why we have couples in this country placing their children into daycare, unable to afford to raise them without that childcare if they wanted, whilst we pay the ones on benefits and give them the CHOICE... in my opinion the LUXURY of choosing whether to work in rather understanding conditions ("suitable" hours to school times, etc).

As for doing the shopping, gardening... why should a struggling country pay to allow you to do this during the day on your benefits if you're fully able bodied and your kids are in school?

Do people honestly think that parents who work get an afternoon a week off to catch up on chores? No, you do it in the evenings, lower your housekeeping standards, or do it in the evenings/mornings outside of primary childcare.

I can't believe the excuses some of those on benefits are coming out with. Such a sense of entitlement, it's fucking rife.