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Original poster

WHY are you a SAHM? (or: what is it about journos and SAHM's?)

46 replies

emkana · 05/09/2005 19:02

Came across this today. Not a bad article really, but again I find that it doesn't entirely fit in with my experiences, when it sort of claims to know all. I'm not a SAHM because my dh is rich and I can afford a nanny and cleaners and stuff, but on the other hand I'm not a SAHM because I have to be either. There are jobs out there which I could do on one or two days a week, which makes me lucky I suppose, but I choose not to do them, because I absolutely love and adore being a SAHM and I want to do it every day for as long as I can - sorry if that makes me a saddo par excellence, but that's how it is! But that doesn't mean I'm a domestic goddess either - yes, I try to cook from scratch, but nothing fancy, I hardly ever back, and interior decorating and soft furnishings and meticulous cleaning are all so not my thing. I love being a SAHM because I love being with my children all day, I have a group of friends I meet up with regularly so I don't feel lonely, the housework doesn't bother me really, and I think it's a fab life for me personally.
So what about everybody else? Do you think the article is a good reflection of reality?

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 05/09/2005 19:03

back? bake!

OP posts:
Caligula · 05/09/2005 19:14

Ha! It's got the word BODEN in it!!!!

OK, will carry on reading...

Twiglett · 05/09/2005 19:16

I quite like that in a kind of 'I skimmed it because I am fed up of being the butt of every single journo's thrashing around looking for material' way

cupcakes · 05/09/2005 19:23

This reply has been deleted

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Caligula · 05/09/2005 19:26

I've just read the whole thing. Actually, I think she's pretty much nailed it.

Obviously there are a minority of mothers who choose and have the genuine choice to be SAHM's and love it. But for most of us it's a compromise between a workplace which refuses on the whole, to allow us to function at a level which reflects our skills and experiences unless we do it 40+ hours a week, and/ or childcare fees which make it pointless to work outside the home, and wanting to be there for our children. And as the workplace and childcare fees won't allow us to do both, we're forced into a choice which works for us to some extent, but which we'd really rather not be forced into, whether that choice is to work out or inside the home. We'd like it all, wouldn't we? I certainly would.

sweetkitty · 05/09/2005 19:27

I was a bit annoyed when our new home's insurance policy came through and my occupation was "housewife" used to be microbiologist well I still am a microbiologist wonder if theres a column for "microbiologist on a career break to have children"!

Dunno why it annoyed me "housewife" it's the first time I've been referred to as a housewife.

hoxtonchick · 05/09/2005 19:28

i think it's a pretty good article (i'm a sahm whilest on maternity leave). i'll be going back to work 2 days a week when dd is 7 months or so. and it's interesting, stimulating work & we have reasonably priced childcare - i realise how lucky i am.

sweetkitty · 05/09/2005 19:28

Oh forgot to add I'm loving being a SAHM/"housewife"

Pollyanna · 05/09/2005 19:32

I think she got it right too - I definitely fall into the second category of sahms she mentions.

Tortington · 05/09/2005 19:41

there never was a 1950's american kitchen utopian housewife for the working class

some people have no choice at all.

just thought i would point that out

sweetkitty · 05/09/2005 19:44

Struck a chord with me I am in the second category as well. After paying childcare/travelling I would be left with a few hundred pounds a month (OK for some people thats really needed) but for me it wasn't worth leaving DD for 12 hours a day for. When DBno2 comes it along it will be no where near worth it. I'm hoping to return to work when they are at nursery though.

edam · 05/09/2005 20:35

Good point Custy - and working class women have traditionally worked outside the home, or performed paid work at home such as laundry.

I HATE the word housewife for all the old feminist reasons - no-one is married to a house, FGS.

colditz · 05/09/2005 20:40

I hate the word housewife as it sounds similar to housemaid, and implies that it is a job and you can be sacked for it, and that your dp is your boss.

Passionflower · 05/09/2005 20:41

Emkana, are you me???

littlesteppers · 05/09/2005 20:52

i became a sahm after spending all my time at work and never at home.

i hated spending the weekends doing house work/ironing ect, instead of spending the little time i had at home with my children.

what i hate is when you tell certain people that you are a sahm, they seem to look at you as if you arent that important because your not dressed in a suit, never mind the fact that you have many years of training behind you, and underneath the baby sick and chocolate marks you are actually an intellegent person.

sorry to rant didnt have a very good experiance today, as a sahm so just needed to rant

littlesteppers · 05/09/2005 20:52

i became a sahm after spending all my time at work and never at home.

i hated spending the weekends doing house work/ironing ect, instead of spending the little time i had at home with my children.

what i hate is when you tell certain people that you are a sahm, they seem to look at you as if you arent that important because your not dressed in a suit, never mind the fact that you have many years of training behind you, and underneath the baby sick and chocolate marks you are actually an intellegent person.

sorry to rant didnt have a very good experiance today, as a sahm so just needed to rant

littlesteppers · 05/09/2005 20:52

i became a sahm after spending all my time at work and never at home.

i hated spending the weekends doing house work/ironing ect, instead of spending the little time i had at home with my children.

what i hate is when you tell certain people that you are a sahm, they seem to look at you as if you arent that important because your not dressed in a suit, never mind the fact that you have many years of training behind you, and underneath the baby sick and chocolate marks you are actually an intellegent person.

sorry to rant didnt have a very good experiance today, as a sahm so just needed to rant

littlesteppers · 05/09/2005 20:53

ooops sorry

told you i wasnt having a very good day

sweetkitty · 05/09/2005 20:59

Forgot to add that to enable me to become a SAHM we have had to move from London to Scotland reducing mortgage as we would never have afforded a 3 bed house in London. DP has the same job he had in London, it's me that's made the sacrifice, I'll never have the job I had in London and that kind of makes me sad.

I'm seeking comfort in the fact my babies will only be young once and I'll get some sort of career back eventually. Someone once said "you never regret not working more" when your old.

TwoIfBySea · 05/09/2005 21:16

Well said emkana!

What is it about these journos at the moment that they find SAHMs so appauling? It is almost like they need someone in society to bash and we are an all too easy target.

That article wasn't as outrightly offensive as the one on the other thread though. I guess I should hang my head in shame for the fact I enjoy being a SAHM!

kama · 05/09/2005 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sansouci · 05/09/2005 21:36

i've got a degree in photojournalism. ha! anyone who knows me would PTSL to see me in a war zone. I'm not a brilliant mother; i can't stay with my dc all day, every day. i like to cook but am a terrible housekeeper. lazy, self-indulgent dreamer is what i am. so sue me! as we used to say in school

Caligula · 05/09/2005 21:36

Interesting post Kama. One thing I picked up on is this phrase "having your own life". I also think it's important for children to understand that parents have their own life apart from them.

For me, having my own life isn't having a job. I always think of my life as being away from my job. For me, my job interferes with the rest of my life and is a necessary nuisance. Perhaps that means I ought to get a more interesting job, but I'm interested in the idea that "job" "children" "life" are somehow separate entitities. No-one ever says to someone who works ft - "but you really ought to have a life". The two are never seen as incompatible, in the way children and life are.

Just meandering now.

Heathcliffscathy · 05/09/2005 21:42

i thought the article was fair enough tbh. i'm at home with ds because i feel like as a family unit we gain the most by it....ds gains, we gain financially because as i'm retraining i couldn't go straight out and earn what childcare would cost unless i returned to my previous career.

i have really struggled with not earning my own money and cannot wait to do so again. i love being with ds, and that isn't a throw away comment....i laugh more than i have in my life being with him on a day to day basis, and know him in a way that no one else does...however, what keeps me going at the moment is the thought of returning to college in january....being a SAHM has been extremely hard on me in terms of my sense of identity (it sounds awful, but just being a mother isn't enough for me, despite the fact that i KNOW that motherhood is by far the most important thing i'll do in my life assuming i get that nobel prize!)

sansouci · 05/09/2005 22:07

why not say what you mean: that any woman with any brains whatsoever would never, ever choose to stay at home with her children and designer peg-bag and still warm orange cake, etc.