WHY are you a SAHM? (or: what is it about journos and SAHM's?)

[emkana]

Came across this today. Not a bad article really, but again I find that it doesn't entirely fit in with my experiences, when it sort of claims to know all. I'm not a SAHM because my dh is rich and I can afford a nanny and cleaners and stuff, but on the other hand I'm not a SAHM because I have to be either. There are jobs out there which I could do on one or two days a week, which makes me lucky I suppose, but I choose not to do them, because I absolutely love and adore being a SAHM and I want to do it every day for as long as I can - sorry if that makes me a saddo par excellence, but that's how it is! But that doesn't mean I'm a domestic goddess either - yes, I try to cook from scratch, but nothing fancy, I hardly ever back, and interior decorating and soft furnishings and meticulous cleaning are all so not my thing. I love being a SAHM because I love being with my children all day, I have a group of friends I meet up with regularly so I don't feel lonely, the housework doesn't bother me really, and I think it's a fab life for me personally.
So what about everybody else? Do you think the article is a good reflection of reality?

sansouci! was that to me?????

no, no, dear sophable, 'course not! i just bothered to read the article (after i posted the 1st time). one of many in the same vein. got up my nose.

if only we SAHMs could be paid the going rate for the work that we do... cleaner, childminder, chauffeur, book-keeper, diplomat... you get the idea.

and, of course, goodnight to you also.

have i missed any?

But if you were paid for it, it would be worthwhile.

That wouldn't work.

Excellent post, Caligula. If you have a career and you throw yourself into it completely and utterly then you earn respect for it, but if you throw yourself completely into SAHMdom and love it and feel fulfilled by it people make as if you are a deluded fool who will one day wake up to the "fact" that you have ruined your life...

It will be sooooooooo interesting to see what my daughters take on my life will be - which path they will choose one day, SAHM or "career woman", somewhere inbetween or something completely different. Often you read in interviews etc. women saying "My mum was at home with us but bitter about it so I wish she hadn't bothered" - I'm at home but certainly not bitter and I don't think I ever will be, so how will the dd's feel about me staying at home?

I am a SAHM and am loving every minute of it! I have great satisfaction that I have just potty trained my DD in a week (prob nothing great to shout about, but I did it & I am proud!)

I had maternity leave for 6 months & then returned to work 3 days a week. I was there 2 weeks before I handed in my notice & in total was there for 6 weeks, which was far too long. I went back to work because I thought that that was what I wanted to do, I hated every minute of it!
Especially when my childminder told me DD had rolled over onto her side & that she didn't like her yogurt straight out of the fridge! She liked it warm! I hated having somebody tell me what my DD did & didn't like!

I am a sahm and for all the reasons that have been mentioned. We tried so long and so hard to have our babies(well, 1st baby anyway!), the idea of handing him over to someone else to look after while I went and did my dull middle of the road job was just.....well, it was never going to happen.
I love taking my son to school, taking his baby brother to his swimming class and his activity class,being around for all their firsts, and being able to pick ds2 up from school at the end of the day and listen to his chat and his worries.
We have practically NO money to spare! But it's worth it to avoid an endless round of breakfast clubs, after school clubs,nurseries, and holiday playschemes.
Maybe if i'd been a lawyer or a doctor or in some other important, well paid occupation I would feel differently, but I was an administrator(zzzzz) and I know which I prefer!

Agree with parts of the article. I'm a SAHM and do enjoy it, I dont bake, cant afford (or even like) Boden, dont have cleaners etc. I am very fortunate to be a SAHM, DH knew this is how I wanted to bring up our kids and we waited until we were in a position to be able to cope without me working, cope is the right word, things would be a lot easier if I was bringing in a wage, but I just dont want other people looking after my girls. I guess I will go back to work again in the future once my girls are at school, but as what. We are miles away from any family, so no support there and it would have to be a flexible job to allow for holidays, sickness etc.

For me it is not primarily a question of money - we would certainly be much better off financially if I went back to work ft.

I chose to be a SAHM (for the time being) because personally I think this is the right place for me to be - for my dd, dh and for me, in all our personal circumstances. I don't have any family help with childcare, dh's job does not allow the possibility to share childcare, and realistically (given the nature of my job) it would mean a ft nanny if I were to go back to work. And that just doesn't feel right to me. I do feel fulfilled by what I do, I think it is absolutely worthwhile and I am committed to it. I agree whole-heartedly with Caligula about the "head space" aspect - given the ludicrously demanding nature of my job, it was just not possible for me to be able to do the best that I could at my job or being a mother. Brain was just too full. Tried it. Hated it. Stopped it. It is nebulous Caligula but not to be under-estimated.

btw LOL at alexsmum thinking that being a lawyer is important - don't believe the propaganda! Lawyers = ten a penny (and I speak from personal experience...).

old joke - what do you call ten thousand lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start...

I'm a SAHM and wouldn't swap it for anything. No job is good enough to tempt me away from my little boy! Money is very tight and i'm working 3 evenings a week as a cleaner whilst DP looks after baby. We go without alot of things but I wouldn't have it any other way. Even if I did go back to work the cost of childcare/travel/food would leave me with hardly any extra money at the end of the month.

I am a SAHM for several reasons
1 I was only working in Temporary job wehn I had Dd 6 years ago
2 When i could have gone back to work found out I was pg with Ds, the job had also finisher so no job to go to.
3 Why go out and earn money to pay it to someone else and still have no money at the end of it?
4 most importantly the first tiem Dd roled over unaid was just before Christmas and whe was laying under the Tree at the time, reduced me to tears and said I could not trade that for a Job no matter how much you offered me.

6 years on adn I am now starting to train as a Teaching Assistant as I have really enjoyed being aaaaround children all the time

I have just read the article i am the only women on my street who is a SAHM I am not a domestic goddess, the house is tidy at night before I go to bed forget it for the rest of the day it do not happen, I do not cook for husband as he walks through the door. And he judges my good or bad day as to how close to the drive ia m when he comes home (if at the back of the house good day if on the drive bad day!!)

I dont actually care what anyone thinks about me being a SAHM.

I'm a SAHM because.....

When I got pregnant with DD, DH and I planned that I would take a year off work to be at home with her. When DD was 11 months old I decided that I was ready to get back into work again. I took a job on that was 5 mornings a week. The job was fine but the pay was bad (NHS). It meant that during the holidays when we had to arrange care for all 3 kids whilst I was at work the childcare costs rocketed. I was only just covering DD's childminder during term time as it was, I came out with £15 a month once I'd paid for her childminder alone. So it wasn't like we could recoup the extra cost of childcare in the holidays over the year. So I had to give up the job.

The only way I can ever earn enough to make working worthwhile financially is to get skilled up. Which is why I'm hoping to start a Radiography degree in Sept 2006

All in I love being a SAHM.

I am a SAHM because i am lucky enough to be one. No my dh is not rich but we make ends meet. We both agreed that we would there for dd and we are. I love it, i love the holiday times when we can go out and make things go on trips and have fun. I hate it when other parents can't wait for holidays to end. I love my dd and spending time with her. I can go back to work and will be looking to do so in Oct when she goes to school full time. But not becaure i want to because i will miss her lots.
What i hate... were i live people are not saocialble feel that children should be at home all the time and mix only with family members.

I am SAHM because I always knew that if I was ever blessed with kids I would want to be the one responsible for their upbringing and I knew I would never be able to leave them with strangers unless it was for their own good.

I get so sick of these article trying to analyse mothers, particularly SAHMs as if we are some unique breed who can be generalised about.

I imagine people are SAHMs for many different reasons and that our diversity is as rich as those mothers who also do a paid job.

I bet such a minute percentage of mothers fall into the rich partner, 'Desperate Housewives', category. I actually know one, and although she uses her money to buy her DDs more expensive clothes than most other mothers, she certainly does not spend any less of her time with her DDs. She wouldn't dream of leaving her little girls with someone to go off and have a manicure. So, even the rich cannot be generalised about.

As for counting off the years on the calendar and dreaming of/worry how I will go back to work .... sometimes I do this but not because I am wishing away the tedium of SAHMdom. I do it because I just like to keep my head in that place and think about what my options will be a few years down the line.

I have done both. When dd was 5 months I went back to work 20 hours per week and then gave up work when dd was 22 months old.

My reasons? (In no particular order)

1. Courage to do it. Giving up work after years of doing it is scary and I wasn't ready to do that when DD was 5 months

2. Health. 2 miscarriages ttc #2 made me rethink priorities

3. Feeling of incompetence. Neither felt like I could give enough to my job on a part time basis nor could I easily switch to mummy-mode on my days with DD.

4. Financial. When baby #2 comes along (this week ) working would no longer be worthwhile after paying out for 2 lots of childcare

5. Desire. I always said I'd SAH when I had two children. I quite enjoy the whole pre-school age and love teaching my dd and exposing her to new experiences

Well I think most people don't really have a choice - childcare is so prohibitively expensive that you have to be earning a good wage to make it worth your while.

Then people leave the professions in droves - law being my area because they totally rethink their priorities and these places are not set up for part time work and the men create a totally unfamily friendly atmosphere.

I did the full time city job which I gave up because I was utterly miserable and my kids needed me. After a year we have totally restructured our lives, leaving london, downsizing, just got a part time job which I can fit around the kids and I am utterly happy in a way I never dreamed of last year. But I am very lucky as I meet the local SAHM's they are an intelligent, talented group who love being at home with the kids but are also desperately trying to find some sense of their own worth.

Anyway I personally need something else other than the kids, I've tried both and the kids get the best of me when I get some of my own space. Hats off to anyone who does it full time, in fact hats off to anyone who does it all

I agreed with the article, I am lucky to have what I see as the perfect balance in life. I work six hours a week and take dd to work with me. I study while dd is at nursery, three afternoons a week.

I am an almost full time SAHM because I enjoy it and I know dd loves having me there. We both have a wonderful quality of life thanks to my dp being willing to work very hard to support that lifestyle. I love doing housewifey things - although I only include the fun housewifey things! I am not great at cleaning but I like to sew, bake and am a whizz with the old paper mache! I am glad however that I have a few hours a week of paid work as I get to retain some of my pre motherhood identity. I will return to work properly when dd is settled in school, I would like to remain at home until she starts seondary school but finacially I don't think we could manage living on one wage for that long.