A pretender for the Burchill crown?

[monkeytrousers]

nice of her to put so much effort into it..

but when the kids at school theres nothing but time

Another factor is the amount that our expectations have been raised over the years.

My mother was, and considered herself to be a, clean woman and a reasonable housewife (she also worked part time). However it was the norm at that time and place to bathe children once a week. Clothes were worn more than once before being washed (not under clothes, but shirts etc).

When we were children we were expected to entertain ourselves, we had far more freedom than my children do, and my mother had more free time as she did not expect to , or even consider, entertaining us.

We were expected to do our homework, and would pay the price in school is we did not, but my mother never spent time chiving and checking up on us. And again this was not considered to be bad parenting....this was the norm, unlike now when we rush around like mad things completing roman forts or pheasant outfits in the half hour before the children leave for school...the note having been forgotten until that morning. If I had tried that one on my mother it would have been 'Hard Cheese, dear' and anyway we never had glue in our house let alone sticky backed plastic

My mother cooked from scrach but is was always plain and usualy awful....no darling Delia or Naked Chef for her....it was warm and on a plate, take it or leave it.

We walked to school alone, no need for any car, let alone a 4 by 4. We went to Brownies, again we walked. My parents never felt they had to attend my enrolement, let alone bring 'home made' cakes as I was expected to do.

My mothers life was physicaly harder than mine, she had less help but her expectations were lover than mine and my children. She would think me utterly insane to spend 2 hours ferrying children to a party (as I did last week). I think her life dreadful as she didn't have a washing machine.

On ballance I think my life has been easier and more fulfilling than hers, in part because I have had the luxury of choice and more money than she had. As someone else posted this is a comparison between the lives of working class women in the 60s and middle class now. there are pleanty of women now who's lives are more like my mothers than mine. But that wasn't touched on in this article

Sorry for the waffle

well,she suggests pampering oneself as one possible way that sahm's might be spending the extra time, and she rather unkindly assumes that VB will be doing that.

now, att the risk of setting off an old mumsnet rocket, Id suggest that there is such a thing as the sahm who spends TOO MUCH time on her child. I used to know one, whose hubby was pretty rich (they drove his and hers Mercs...ahhhh). She had a cleaner and a gardener, and she spent all her time on her one little girl. She would take her to the library, and hang over her as the little one chose books. "No, darling, that is for older children. No, darling, that one is for younger children, you would find it boring. This book is more suitable for you."

Personally, I thought she would be setting a far better example, if she left her daughter to make unsuitable choices, and disappeared up to the adult section and chose a few books herself, which I never saw her do!

Now, I think that Library Woman is a bit of an extreme, but she came to mind as I was reading that article.

not suggesting that you are her, edology!

My own mother was a sahm, and she filled her time up with gardening, which was her hobby. she always pretended that it was vitally important work though.

If you are a sahm with free time... no point feeling guilty about it...where's that nail parlour again?

Oh and ps

there are women who have lives like my mum re lack of modern aids who live in a world of greater demand, making their lives harder than my mothers

that's a very interesting post hmb.
ahem - I still wear my clothes more than once before I wash them (except undies). It gives me more resistance against germs
The washing machine is ooo so I have got a huge festering heap here. Getting almost desparate enough to do it in the bath.

slightly different time period and part of the world.
but
my grandmother in pakistan inthe forties and fifties, despite having 8 kids, and no washing machin, fridge freezer etc, had more spare time than i do. why?
the kids entertained themselves, went out to play etc.
they ate what they were given. each meal was made from scrathc, but they either ate it, or went hungry.
clothes were worn more than once before being washed, and once over the age of about eightish, the kids washed their own clothes.
grocery shopping? either the people selling stuff came to the end of the road, or the kids were sent out to get the stuff.
kids walked to school
babies were out of nappies by approximately a yearish because it was easier to potty time, than wash dirty nappies
no one put pressure on her to go out and get a career. her home was her career.
oh, and all clothes were handmade, as were jumpers knitted.

but she still had more time to herself.

Dare I admit that I do too!

But my dad would wear a shirt for 5 days before it was washed.....and this wasn't considered dirty, it was the norm! That would be fairly unusual now I think.

My mother washed once a week and it was bloody hard work, on top of the cooker in an enamel bowl. I wash daily, with the ease of the automatic washing machine. What she did was harder, but less frequent.

Stitch Pakistan and your gran and the Rhondda and my Mum, snap!

And we have the cheek to say that we are 'Multicultural' now! {grin]

When I go shopping I spend half an hour in the car. When mum did it it was 2 minutes down the road...or more often 2 minutes for me down the road, running errands and picking up things she had forgotten or run out of!

Most of my longs get worn more than once before being washed (unless darling chilren have smeared something over them). Tops I do usually change daily though

When I grew up in the 50's/60's my mum had a washing machine with a wringer on and then a twin tub - she was pretty advanced for the times! But we didn't have a fridge until the late 60's. I remember going to a friend's house in the mid-60's and they had a dishwasher - I was astonished at this giant machine!

I think my mum worked a lot harder than I have to. We had an old house with loads of stairs, my dad worked shifts while she nursed her sickly mother at home until she died, looked after us four children and then had my cantankerous old grandad to live with us for 13yrs. Our house was perpetually cold except in midsummer, shopping was done every day (it was delivered, though) and it was expected that the house was dusted and mopped every day.

My mum reckons that life is physically easier for mothers nowadays but harder emotionally. I don't think guilt was a word my mum ever considered wrt to raising children whereas now we all agonise as to whether we're doing to Right Thing etc.

I think that your mum is spot re the guilt thing.

I have a friend who is going through the wringer atm as her child has been diagnosed with Dylsexia, dysptaxia and dyscalculia.

In some ways life was easier when we were kids because 'Ignorence was bliss'?

Also they got to have fab pregnancies where they ate and drank what they wanted and smoked like chimneys . People may have even told them to rest, open doors for them and gave up seats on buses for them!

Mind you, go back further and you get to my Gran. she delivered a 12 pound (yep 12 pound) baby at home, with no midwife, no doctor and no pain relief at all! And then had to get up the next day and deal with the other three kids!

Not surprisingly this was her last baby! I think she had enough by then!

Isn't it just a bit god forbid we should live fulfilling lives though?

Not sure I get your point.

If I'm right, I don't think that nail extensions would fulfil me anyway, but I always have been a bit of a slpb

ah, suedonim, we had twinnish households then as far as appliances go (see my post at 2.35pm)! Our house was new though - lovely 50s council house with metal windows (NB really lovely, not sarcastic) - and under-furnished, so keeping it clean and tidy was a relative doddle.

I don't remember spending much time with parents at all though except for mealtimes and days out - kids did amuse themselves, and we had a huge garden which kept the parents amused at weekends.

custardo has a good point about the amount of time available once kids are at school; if you don't have a job outside the house, and aren't a fanatical cleaner, then there really is quite a lot of time to please yourself and you aren't technically a SAHM any more except in school hols.

I know HMB! A generation on Prozac but with FAB nails! (is the monotorium on exclamation marks over?)

Thatll be me then monkeytrousers!! Im afraid I have the dreaded gel nails & shhhh been on the odd anti d or two !

You and me both Melsy!
..can't stop grinning

My serotonin needs to be re-inhibited again!

Yep, we're twins, Jan!!

My slight barmy sister has only had a washing machine within the last 10yrs, well after her children grew up. She boiled whites in a Burco Boiler and soaked sheets in the bath. She even had a washboard!!! Oh, and she wouldn't put waterproof pants over the babies nappies so she had tons of washing from them. She's v old-fashioned and cooks all her food from scratch. We had corned beef & potato pie last time we ate there. No one still makes that!

did your button get stuck !

My DH does

(Eats it himself though - takes it into work in Tupperware boxes!)

just have some gin monkeytrews , thatll balnace it out nicely !!

ooh no dont mention the dreaded corned beef here !!