Wednesday FLYing by

[ImdreamingofaGROUCHYxmas]

Thought I'd start the thread. Back with links in a mo

Hi grouchy and thanks for the thread. Just bookmarking. Will be back in a bit.

Pick yer babystep

and your mission should you.....yeah yeah yeah, whatever

Simply - that's a good idea about brief words of positive reinforcement re:temptations and otherwise

I'm sticking to three meals a day and no snacks except bananas and apples and endless cups of tea... Seems to be working so far - feel slightly hungry but mostly it's the HABIT of snacking that hard to kick. Exercise wise, everytime I run up the stairs I give myself a pat on the back, rather than thinking, oh not again.

Recycling out
Kids to school i's dotted, t's crossed
Have done spelling with ds
piano practise x 3
made [healthy]pancakes with him for late breakfast
now going to tidy up a bit before mess deterioates (sp?)further - it's pretty bad

need to mop floor(s)
unload dw
put away last night's washed crockery
dress ds and wash him
go to school for 11.30 meeting with his teacher
[lunch is made thank goodness]
put away some dry laundry
MORE PIANO PRACTISE before this pm's lesson

and it's Beavers tonight [sob] but I've done Dd's Brownie designer badge research on Tiffany so [phew]- why are the Brownies getting homework

Morning Grouchy and simply.

Had a terrible night with dd, ended up loosing my temper , which just prolonged the agony . I have ended up taking another day off work as I am so tired and have a thumping headache again. I know I can't keep taking time off work and will have to go back tomorrow whatever but I really need to sort out my problem with dd.

People with daughters - I need help. So far I have figured out that I'm doing it all wrong. I am trying to treat DD like Ds (and she's a different person, so what worked with him is not working with her). DD is only 4.5 but starting to develop her own personality so i need to get it right otherwise we are going to have trouble later.

DD is quite a girly girl. She's like a little cat , she likes to be in the warm, not particularly energetic, likes to sit down with her dolls and teddies and play house . She likes to dress up and has strong views on what she should wear (pink).
The trouble is we are quite an outdoorsy family, we like to get out and about.

I am quite happy for DD to be girly, but sometimes she comes across as needy. At school she hates being outside in the playground (too cold, too rough) and constantly says she's tired. She also wants alot of attention and cuddles (including through the night). When she has to walk anywhere (home from school or on family outings) she whines and cries and says she can't walk and wants to be carried. She won't eat a meal that she doesn't like, then constantly complains she is hungry.

How do I develop her self esteem without her turning into a princess?

Sorry a bit early for all that, it just came out. I'll go and do some laundry.

Suppose I should pull myself together and go downtown. I need baby talc tinsel and yellow gloves

bbl

Scatty - I find that hard too. We are a very outdoorsy family too, and dd just used to hate long walks, whinge and whine, pick fights, demand sweets, juice all the time the boys were just climbing trees and running about happily. Even in the playground she wanted me to push her on swing, watch her climb, hold her hand.
Yet she is completely athletic, she has just been picked for the Kurling team, very good runner, does all the sportsclubs by choice.

I think she just liked talking to us more than she liked the athetlic things, she wanted feedback all the time. So we've got through the worse and just tried being a bit stricter but giving her the feedback she craves. She wants loads of cuddles, she wants to sit and chat for hours and be noticed and she really does not like to do her own thing - whereas I suppose the rest of us are all loners in comparison.
But she has so many qualities they do not possess in the slightest. She is brilliant at making friends, she is very focused and does all her homework without even being asked. All her teachers have always thought her lovely

We've had some really bad times with her, I've behaved very badly too. Mealtimes were a nightmare, a total windup. But I suppose I just shouldn't have compared her behaviour to that of the boys, after all they were behaving badly in a different way

So what I did to develop her self esteem was to increase cuddle factor, not worry about her being needy, but be quite strict about cut-off points in the attention - like not tolerating screaming, or mealtime rudeness, asking her say things again in a polite voice. I think I also overloaded her with things, when the things were just code on her part for attention.

hi grouchy thanks for the thread have fun shopping
simply great idea about keeping a food list of sorts too. I will join from tomorrow
swan sounds like your daugher is tiring you out. I will just say that I find it hard with my ds2 sometimes too as he is so different from his fbrother who was always a very careful child where as ds2 just alunches him self off things and get frusterated when he can't do something himself srtaight way. Ds1 will never refuse help and on the opposite end of the spectrum took ages to learn to entertain himself and is much more easily worried by things than DS2. Both of them togheter can be quite trying as i feel like i am forever trying to figure out what is best for one and will be a total disaster with the other.
Yummy rasberry muffins are all gone!

ok todays list
breakfast
shower and dressed
ironing
hang out washing
run dishwasher
make beds
go to supermarket to pick up bits I need to make dinner
lunch
dinner

ok

Hi scattyspice (and everyone else),

We`had a bad night here too. DS up from 1-5 and has perfected a high-pitched, ear splitting yell when not picked up asap. After feeding x9 (lost count really after 6 but about right), x2 Waybuloo and ITNG on endless repeat he finally fell asleep - thank goodness!

Re your daughter, I'm assuming she's only just started reception and is probably finding the transition hard (speaking as ex-reception teacher before the Mat leave). Lots of little girls (and boys) do find the playground (and dining halls) difficult to cope with as its the only time they're with the bigger kids and so its lots noisier/busier than they're used to. I'd say sympathise with her but focus on the positive 'that does sound hard, did you play with X/ hold Mrs Y's hand?'. Or put special treat/smiley face note in her lunch bag/pocket to cheer her up.

Re the walking home, build it up gradually - she probably is gebuinely knackered after a busy day at school (I know I always was!). Could you suggest she walks for a certain distance then can be carried or whatever - give her lots of praise and then gradually extend the length of her walk.

Any help? Sorry if just sleep deprived rmblings of no use.

ramblings even...

morning all

grouchy thanks for thread
swan snacking is my total downfall too and at brownies homework
scatty DD's....hmm I have 4 and theyareall different tbh...DD1 was always a very girly girl....slightly less so now (pink isnt so cool now she's 10 lol) but also always moaned about goingout walking etc...BUT she did always tend to enjoy it once out and about so we just ignored her moans LOL.We used to sort of compromise by doing things like buying herpink sparkly wellies,lettingherbring a doll on walk etc...DD2 actually lovesbeing outdoors , not really into rough and tumble,but likes outdoors...EXTREMELY fussy eater though...but we're mean..she has 2choices-eat what she's given or go hungry LOL,dd3 isa whole other story so cant reallycompare her! dd4 is my little cuddly limpet,she goes through phases of waking in the night, andsometimes the more you go into her the more she wakes etc...at times we have drawn the line, and said to her "mummy and daddy are going to sleep now,we're not coming in again"then ignoring her if she starts shouting again .... this usuallyworks and she stops waking...till the next time LOL

right well...

I am feeling rubbish today...have dd's horrible virus...
DS1 also home ill...very unlike him....
on thepositive side dd4 much better...so off to nursery in a bit yay!
Am planning on tackling washingbacklog and ignoring pretty much everything else today!

DD 1 and 2 in concert at Arena tonight...so off to that this evening....

hopefully bbl

Anyway 4.5 is still young enough for a pushchair if it's a long walk - just for her to feel safe: that she is choosing to walk rather than having to. After all some people drive their kids those distances and don't think that's babyish, if it's a matter of convenience.

Thank you, thank you for all your help.

Swan - I am going to stop worrying about neediness (her teacher keeps calling her needy - i hate the word). I think by trying to 'make' her independent i am making her more clingy .

Leeloo - she is finding school harder than i had expected, she misses her nursery friend and hates the playground (running yard as she calls it lol). I had made a decision not to carry her now that she is in school uniform although she is so small it is easy to do it. I will take up your advice.

OFM - Thank you for reminding me that they are all different, why do I expect her to be the same as DS?

Leo - Its really hard parenting 2 children in different ways.

I am finding the night times a total PITA, I am exhausted, it has got worse since she started school. I now think my attempts at encouraging independence are making her more anxious though and more likely to want me during the night. Poor DD . I will try again.

Hello to everyone.

I'm having just a cup of tea for elevenses as I'm not hungry. I've had porridge for about 2 out of the last 4 mornings (but not this morning as I needed a change) and when I do it fills me up until lunchtime so I think the habit of tea and two pieces of toast with butter and honey each day as elevenses might have been disrupted.

scatty I find parenting a girl more difficult than parenting a boy but that might just be because ds has a personality very similar to mine whereas I have to behave in a non-instinctive way with dd. My children have gone to small schools as I did. I then went to a small college and I think that was important to me, not to be just a number. But then, dd would be like that, I think, whereas I think to ds it really wouldn't matter. Aren't we complicated creatures?

Ok. Elevenses are over so I'm off. Have a good day everyone and I'll see you later.

Now that my kids are older I miss carrying them actually I do still carry dd and ds2 (7yrs) on special occasions - they love it.

Teacher has come up trumps, and provided ds with 2 months of framework and textbooks! It all looks quite do-able esp as one chapter is meant to take a whole week LOL.

Now I must clean something!!!!

Simply - I think i am more like DS than DD too. She is a lot like my sister (who I thought was a show off lol)

Swan - I secretly like cuddling and carrying DD and even snuggling up to het in bed (just not when she asks for a drink/wee/some socks on every five minutes). I guess when I was her age that sort of thing was not approved of, my family was very no-nonsense (Mum didn't even approve of long hair . My Gran would think DD was a 'proper little madam' lol. I am going to get in touch with my inner princess .

Have remembered DD has MMR jab after school and its Christmas coffee evening at Beavers [shock already!].

Afternoon all - Just popping in whilst eating lunch and thought i'd say Hi.

Scatty - We are going through a bit of a similar patch with DD in that she wants to be carried and won't eat her food. We make her walk, if she sits on the floor we leave her there and keep going. We do try giving her something to carry, a doll, a little handbag etc which does work a little until you end up carrying both.

As for the food, no treats, no telly and no alternatives. If I know that she likes it then we perservere although sometimes this means us spoonfeeding her, which is annoying as she will be 4 this weekend. She is going through a stage where as soon as our back is turned she throws her food in the bin and if we catch her tells us that juice was spilt on it or it was dropped on the floor - again no alternatives, when she is hungry she will eat.

No real words of wisdom though, I'm pulling my hair out with her neediness somedays but then she does something really sweet and I feel guilty.

No time for flying today I'm afraid - Just back from one school, off to another in a minute and then sign language assessment tonight, every spare minute has been taken up with revising for it. Should be back tomorrow eager and with a looooonnnnnng list.

Hope everyone else is well, sorry for my ramblings

BBL

right,back again...

dd4 at nursery
ds1 on sofa

me feeling rotten,fed up exhausted and grumpy
(wow I'd make such good company right now LOL)

DH and I have ended up not talking.My fault really....should have taken your advice simply and put whole thing behind us...but felt so upset by all that went on...and most importantly by dh lack of support in it all.
SIL is incredibly needy I suppose. She is also the oldest out of DH family of 7 siblings, so is used to taking charge - and having things her own way,even in someone elses home it seems.Ended up in a big argument on Saturday,after she had a go about me behind my back(yet in front of my dc)because I didnt want to take my kids out to a playcentre at 5pm -after we had been out for the afternoon and my dc were tired and dd4 was ill.......DH failed to see why I was so upset...She openly moaned about me and ds1 relayed what was said...and that was after endless other stresses ,her children rampaging the house till all hours,her complaining over sleeping arrangements etc...
and what really is upsetting me now is that I always do all of the preparation,cooking,entertaining etc for them-which I dont really mind,without any recognition from dh...then he fails to be at all concerned at how his family treat me in my own home....grrr...

right off for more tea....may snooze on sofa as feeling very sorry for myself.....

Scatty - I think we are resisting our inner princesses most of th time alas. V. important for morale.

inner princesses now there as thought I will miss the all pink phases with my 2 ds but ho-hum.
makingchanges I hope the assessment goes well
overflowing go and have a nice lie down you sound like you had an awful time with you SIL ((hugs)) very MN ofcourse

I seem to be doing quite ok with my to do list but that will definitly slow down now as I need to pick up dcs from school.

Overflowing As you're feeling rotten, fed up, exhausted and grumpy I have a suggestion! Limit thinking about the whole sorry mess to only 10 minutes out of each 24 hours. By the end of the 10 mins you should be starting to go over old ground and knowing your time is up and you're not allowed to think about it until the following day can be a relief sometimes. Now, I know that doesn't sound like a normal suggestion but this is me, you know!

Hello MakingChanges.

scatty I was told off for carrying one of mine by a doctor who was a friend's partner. I did have back problems and later on another doc (Dr S) told me the same. As Dr S lives locally and shops in the same town, I told dd that I couldn't carry her as Dr S would see me and tell me off. Sometimes we'd see Dr S and I'd say "Isn't it a good job you're sitting in the trolley and not being carried by me or Dr S would tell me off next time I went to the surgery!" and dd would complain about the unfairness of it all but accept that she wasn't going to get carried any more except for emergencies.

Right. My lunch of soup, a roll and a yogurt is over so I'm off to do something.

Top tip for me from me for today:- If you can't resist chilled white wine, don't put a bottle in the fridge in the first place! These are my NSS tips, btw. I'm not a fan of swearing so the first word is No and the third one is Sherlock.

MC - girls are complicated aren't they. Boys are easier really.

OFM - she sounds horrible. Don't invite her again. My dh family are lovely but i often feel as if I'm braking mysterious unwritten rules (saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, drinking too much/not enough). I guess other peoples families are always a bit of a mystery. Husbands don't understand because their family makes perfect sense to them and with your family, everyone makes allowances for them .

simply - lol about Dr S. I second the wine tip.

scatty It sounds like just be thinking through your 'issues' with DD you are truly starting to understand her and move towards treating her differently. It sounds like you are doing your best, to me, just keep doing more of the same - encouraging her and giving lots of feedback but also being a bit tough about insisting she do things. I am absolutely rubbish at doing things I don't like - I won't even attempt new things in case I fail. My parents always just let me give up on the first hurdle and never forced me to do anything - that's a cautionary tale! Oh, and my DS is MUCH harder to parent than my DD contrary to everyone else's views!
Simply loving your eccentric advice tips these last few days !
leo nice to see you again (to see you, nice!)
swan sounds like you have solved the schooling thing - but then your son's teacher is actually obliged to provide you with work, and should have done ages ago!
Changes good luck in assessment. I have stopped the spoon feeding with both children on 3rd birthday - even when ill! If they don't eat it, tough! I am Victorian mum.
OFM sympathies. But you're going to have to let it go at some point. You'll have to (imho!) try to calmly tell DH how he is acting and how it impacts on you and your feelings, then let it go. Perhaps you'll have to try to sound non judgemental - like you know he doesn't mean to make you feel like that!
grouchy hi, thanks for the thread

Went to the medium last night - she was uncannily accurate and perceptive. There wasn't much about future events, it was so intense and all about ME and my life, personality, attitude to life, lifestyle etc. I felt like I was stripped bare within seconds of walking in the room, it was if she could just see inside my soul! Another spooky thing, she said she felt itchy eyes, did I have a problem with my eyes? DD has started just an hour ago with an eye infection! Coincidence or what. She also said some very accurate descriptions of 'spirits' - what they looked like, wore, their houses, opinions, hobbies etc. i don't even believe in any of it normally! I honestly feel like I've been through the mangle - she was brutal with me! I was in there about an hour and ten mins compared to half an hour for the others there, and she genuinely seemed to not want to stop talking to me. A real experience!

Right, feeling tired, couldn't sleep! LOL
DD still not so good, cough, cold, tired etc. DH off work - head ache and tired too, and a cough.

Not done much. Trying to slow down on medium's orders! She said I was so frantic and manic I made her soul tired, that my life is far too busy needlessly, I'm not happy with my life and I need to stop fighting the world. Well you all know how manic my life is (but I know she could say that to anyone) of my own making.

!!!

Cleaned kitchen at last
cancelled piano lesson as afternoon going pearshaped and couldn't face letting babysitter (kind friend)into filthy house - she might never babysit for me again

eaten a filling but healthy lunch and now feeling quite relaxed (nothing like cancelling things to make extra hours in the day!)

Wendy, outsiders can be the only people we can listen to words of wisdom from...very spooky I agree.

OFM - families can be foul. Dh gets sooo fed up with mine. My brother never forgave him for hearing dh call him "fat and lazy" over the babymonitor 8 years ago. However he is slowly getting used to their various weird habits.

Wendy, anyway it is not that one is unhappy, just that it is The Best of Times The Worst of Times [with small dcs, I mean]
bb Thurs

Hello again everyone.

I'm glad you like my off-the-wall tips wendy. It is interesting what you say about your visit to the medium. I've heard second or third hand about friends' visits but never spoken to someone who has actually been to one themselves.

Right. That's my sit down time over. I found a whole load of black gunky stuff in the plug and pipe of the bathroom sink so I'm going to carry on with the job of getting that nice and clean. Oh, and I need to post some letters and walk the dog. I'll do that as soon as the kids come home. They like to have the house to themselves now and again when they come home from school so they can scoff some chocolate have a bit of peace.