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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

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Original poster

Do you feel you're ever judged by the way your house looks?

57 replies

Rothwellmummy · 09/04/2009 19:43

Evening all,

Growing up i was always told never to allow anyone to see the house in a state anything less that perfect.

have been pondering this today as i sit in my not so clean and tidy house.

Even writing this i feel like i will be viewed as a bad mother because the house isn't spotless right now like the 'show homes' my friends all seem to live in!

I feel ashamed that my house looks like this at the moment, and am determined to get it back to the standard i like to have it at.

We have so much stuff and not enough space for it all, so am having a major chucking out session tonight as i am all on my own. DH is away with work and DC's are all at my parents fopr the night so i have no excuse not to clean and tidy! (Is it bad that i feel like a natter with a friend and a lovely glass of wine?? - although am too ashamed to have friends in the house tonight!)

Do you ever feel you're judged by how your house looks?

Any tips on achieveing and maintaining that pristine look?

OP posts:

mumblecrumble · 09/04/2009 21:26

Come to my house, then go home and feel much better!

Ours is a bit of a tip.... bet many mums on here have tips too. My Mum was very house proud and never sat with friends to natter with wine.... isn;t that sad?

I did loads of washing before coming to bed, got tired and thought stuff this. I am happy to be enjoying myself indtead.

My advice - lower your standards...... Keep things hygenic but chill out when others come over. If you're not bothered they wont be either....

chequersmate · 09/04/2009 21:30

Ooh yes, all the time.

I really couldn't care though. My house is hygeinic, but rarely v v tidy. Even when v v tidy it still looks scruffy.

I have to disagree though, with mumble, I think people do notice, but you just have to have a thick skin.

My NCT group were round recently and I had actually tidied.

But on their way out, past the dogs bed, they commented (in front of me!!!) that dogs stink.

Perhaps I should have washed the dog before they came round too!!! (or perhaps they could have waited til they got outside to bitch!!!)

ABetaDad · 09/04/2009 21:36

I do not allow visitors unless my house is clean and tidy and spotless. I judge others by my standard.

Key tip is never allow anyone to wear shoes in the house, declutter all surfaces.

Keep your house 2 hours away from perfection at all times by doing a brief clean on one room per day. Tidying up all mess before you go to bed without fail. Clean bathroom sink and toilet 3 times a week with a bathroom spray and paper kitchen towels. Aggressively clean entire house every 7 days.

Final tip. Go outside in the morning breath in fresh air for five minutes and then come in the house and breathe in. Any bad smells detectable - find and remove them?

Yes I am obsessive.

Original poster

Rothwellmummy · 09/04/2009 21:36

thanks ladies, made me feel better

Have spend the last hour cleaning and tidying the conservatory which looks good again now, was going to do the living room next but am soo tired, might leave rest till morning!

OP posts:

Original poster

Rothwellmummy · 09/04/2009 21:39

thank you AbetaDad for the tips

That is one rule i want in this house ( the no shoes) but Dh refuses and says i am being ridiculous! He is constantly trampling stuff through the house, the floors need washing and sweeping all the time when he's around!

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 09/04/2009 21:39

No tips here as our place is always a mess. We're renting and their is bugger-all storage space, so there isn't a chance that it will ever be neat and tidy. It could certainly be cleaner, but that will have to wait until I get a couple of good nights of sleep. Up at all hours breastfeeding and a toddler and a baby in the day and I'm knackered.

I have learned to tune it out, but occasionally I have a flash where I see it how it really is - like today when I was walking down the stairs and I noticed just how much dust was on the television and I wonder how other people see me.

Mind you, my Mum was talking the other week about our house when I was growing up, and how her SIL and MIL always kept such a lovely house, but ours was a bit of a tip. And my Dad said that they may have had spotless homes, but that my Mum had had an interesting life, and that as far as he was concerned that that was much better. I thought that that was lovely (especially as my parents are no longer together). I'm not sure if DH would say the same to me though! Clutter drives him nuts and he wants an interesting wife and a beautiful house! Even worse, he thinks that when we buy our own house that we will achieve this!

lingle · 09/04/2009 21:42

judged to be untidy? yes
judged to be a bit slovenly? maybe.

judged to be a bad mother? no. only a fool would think that was something to judge a mother's qualities on.

read all the threads by people upset about their mothers. none of them will be about the mother being a bit untidy.

sweetkitty · 09/04/2009 21:43

I wouldn't allow anyone in my house first thing in the morning, one of the first jobs I do in the morning is clean out the cats litter trays as even though they are in a cupboard in the kitchen they stink, there's usually cat food all over the kitchen floor and sometimes dining/living room, trailed bits of cat litter in the kitchen and cat hairs all over the sofa.

I have 3 children under 5, I do what I can as if it gets too messy it sets off my anxiety, I cannot have breakfast or sit down until the cat litter is all cleaned out.

I am trying to not get as stressed about the mess and let the DDs play and be children but every now and again it gets to me and I blitz it.

janeite · 09/04/2009 21:45

Ours is clean and tidy but not at all 'fashionable' and most of the furniture is just cheapo Argos stuff so I do think maybe people are judging that. Then again, it is full of books and there's always a coffee for anybody who comes and the sofas are comfortable, so I don't think it could be all that porrly judged!

hatwoman · 09/04/2009 21:46

I am more inclined to judge the immaculate houses. they make me think that the parents are more concerned with how the place looks than how it functions as a family home. If there are no toys in sight I am particularly suspicious. I harbour suspicions that these are people who spend more time tidying than having fun with their kids. I also wonder if these are people who can;t invite me in unless the house is in tip-top shape. I like visiting people to talk to them and drink tea (or wine). not admire their housekeeping skills. and if people think I will judge then I can;t help feeling a smidgeon of offence at that. (though forgiven if they don;t know me well)

hatwoman · 09/04/2009 21:47

and I worry that I might be cluttering it up. I can;t relax in immaculate houses.

breaghsmum · 09/04/2009 21:49

chequersmate i cant believe they said that infront of you!!! how rude. to answer OP, yes i do feel judged, i havent felt on top of things at home for ages now and it has really gotten me down, especially when my parents visit as i know they are thinking that ive let things slip, and i get so jealous when i visit imacculate home. but then they usually belong to people with no children or pets. so i console myself with that. i try my best and if people judge me then they judge, im glad i can make people feel nice and smug when they see the state of my house, if it brightens their day then it isnt all bad. sad gits.

Lilyloo · 09/04/2009 21:49

hatwoman here here

allthoseeggsaremine · 09/04/2009 21:49

I do think people judge, and i have caught the odd person kind of casting an eye around when they come round for a coffee or something

I have a couple of friends that i don't mind what it looks like when they arrive!! But for anyone else i will run around putting stuff away etc., if they are only their way!

I try and try (well i used to!) but it never seems to look any better! I think i need abit of a face lift round here as everything is looking abit tired so it doesn't ever look perfect!

sweetkitty · 09/04/2009 21:50

I always feel that my friends are judging the size of our house, it's a 3 bed detached but it's a new build and the rooms are v small, downstairs we have a good sized living/dining room but a small kitchen, upstairs we have two small bedrooms and one shoebox (a single bed would be the length of the wall) the older two DDs are going to share a small room and DD3 the box room. All my friends have playrooms and much bigger houses. I have the most children but the smallest house

LynetteScavo · 09/04/2009 21:52

I have a friend who live in a "show home" And I find it unnatural. Once when she had a party she told me to use the upstairs loo, as the downstairs one was in use. I popped my head around her bedroom door expecting something to be out of place, but nothing was. Mind you, she lets her DC's roam the streets, so they aren't around to mess the place up.

I can tell if I consider someone to be a real friend; if they are I don't bother fidying up before they come round.

Lizzylou · 09/04/2009 21:52

My Mom is a domestic goddess and her house was always spotless..me, not so much.

Clean yes, tidy, no

I would never judge anyone by how their house looked, my BF has the most gorgeous house ever, but if her cleaner hasn't been in for a few days, she doesn't stress, she has 3 DC under 3 fgs. It is still a gorgeous house imo, just not a showhome. I wouldn't want to live in a showhome anyway.

ComeOeufeneer · 09/04/2009 21:56

I am one of those immaculate houses . But then I am anal, and also fortunate to have a big house with loads of storage and a huge playroom on a separate floor, so no evidence of any toys elsewhere. I have plenty of time to play with my children though. I find the key is little and often. I also advocate a basket on the stairs to pop things in and never go up the stairs without taking something up

LynetteScavo · 09/04/2009 22:00

I bet you have a cleaner, though, ComeOeufeneer.

PlumpChocEggyBaps · 09/04/2009 22:01

I'm afraid I judge people if their house is too clean and tidy. People who are anal about having an immaculate home very often have personalities to match, IME.

I've always wanted, and had, the kind of house where people can feel that it's ok to kick off their shoes and stick their feet up on the sofa. I grew up in a huge, untidy house and was really chuffed to hear, after a sleepover party I had, that all my friends liked my house the best as they felt so comfortable there.

MannyMoeAndJack · 09/04/2009 22:03

I am usually judged tbh because I can't live in a mess! I just keep on top of things: a wipe here, a polish there and a quick tidy up along the way does the trick for me.

I have friends who live in cluttered houses and friends who live in tidy houses - it's all horses for courses.

Original poster

Rothwellmummy · 09/04/2009 22:18

Great to hear everyones views

OP posts:

marymungoandmidge · 09/04/2009 22:27

Yes Comeoeufeneer ... a playroom is an excellent idea - mind you my kiddies room is always put back in a pristine fashion at night.

I like to think I have a personality that does not necessarily match my overtly anal cleaning tendancies, however, PlumpChocEggyBaps.

But I just cannnot stand mess or untidiness of any kind in my own home. That being said I have plenty of friends who like a bit of clutter and they are still considered good friends and I can relax in their homes because its not mine!

Little and often to keep on top of everyday, and more intense clean at end of week. Plus, open all windows (especially bedrooms)first thing (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm).....heaven.....!

amazonianwoman · 09/04/2009 22:53

I don't really care. Ours is clean (well, clean enough) but usually very cluttered. We just have so much stuff - our house is large, we have loads of storage, but we're also into cycling, camping, sailing, reading, DH obsessive about keeping paperwork etc so the clutter reflects this.

I once read (in the Sunday Times Style section) that it's common to have an immaculately tidy house so quote this frequently if we have guests when the house is particularly cluttered.

stitchtime · 09/04/2009 22:55

people who judge me by the size or state of my house, i dont want as friends

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