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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

Do you feel you're ever judged by the way your house looks?

57 replies

Rothwellmummy · 09/04/2009 19:43

Evening all,

Growing up i was always told never to allow anyone to see the house in a state anything less that perfect.

have been pondering this today as i sit in my not so clean and tidy house.

Even writing this i feel like i will be viewed as a bad mother because the house isn't spotless right now like the 'show homes' my friends all seem to live in!

I feel ashamed that my house looks like this at the moment, and am determined to get it back to the standard i like to have it at.

We have so much stuff and not enough space for it all, so am having a major chucking out session tonight as i am all on my own. DH is away with work and DC's are all at my parents fopr the night so i have no excuse not to clean and tidy! (Is it bad that i feel like a natter with a friend and a lovely glass of wine?? - although am too ashamed to have friends in the house tonight!)

Do you ever feel you're judged by how your house looks?

Any tips on achieveing and maintaining that pristine look?

OP posts:
MintyyAeroEgg · 09/04/2009 22:59

I find I get on better with people whose houses are like mine - messy (mine is actually seriously messy) but clean enough. I find I have very little in common with people who keep an immaculate house and I never move on from acquaintance to friends with these people, who appear to have such different priorities to me.

lingle · 09/04/2009 23:05

You shouldn't judge people with an immaculate house. That's like judging someone who irons everything. It just makes them feel good/secure. They probably have no opinion about you and/or envy you for having a richer intellectual life, etc, etc.

lingle · 09/04/2009 23:12

Oh, apart from Abetadad. When you say you judge, abetadad, do you judge people to be bad parents or merely (correctly!) untidy?

ComeOeufeneer · 09/04/2009 23:14

No lynette, I don't have a cleaner.

ComeOeufeneer · 09/04/2009 23:15

Oh and for the record I never judge by the state of a house. I have friends like me who are anal and friends who have cluttered mayhem and we all get on famously.

BananaFruitBunny · 09/04/2009 23:17

You need to change the status of your house.

I used to live in messy house.

Now I live in a working home.

marymungoandmidge · 09/04/2009 23:21

Untidiness is quite different to being unhygienic - but who would admit to that? And can you justify passing judgement over either? Or are we being naive to profess that we don't make judgements (however small, and subconsciously) ?

hatwoman · 09/04/2009 23:30

am feeling partially guilty about being judgey about immaculate houses. in my defence I said i was more inclined to judge immaculate ones than messy ones. what I shoudl have said is that's still not very inclined. iyswim. judging on houses and tidiness levels (either way) is pretty rubbish, I agree.i herewith commit not to do it

Original poster
Rothwellmummy · 10/04/2009 06:50

I don't know why i feel people will see me as a bad mother, just a hang up i have that if people see the house is untidy they'll think i can't cope or don't care or something.

I don't think that of others whos houses are messy but i do worry people will think that of me!

It's great to hear all your responses! , made me feel a lot better that my house doesn't have to be immaculate.

OP posts:
lingle · 10/04/2009 16:45

Truthfully Rothwell, I think people used to feel I was more confident as mother because I didn't feel the need to tidy up.

But the great thing is not to judge and that cuts both ways. "judge" is just another word for "sneer" in this context.

TsarChasm · 10/04/2009 16:57

My mum was always red hot on cleaning. She admits even now that she has to reign it in or she just goes over does it and it's not necessary now that it's only her and my dad in a big house.

Mine is far from perfect, but it never can be because our house is too small for us.

It does get me down, but growing up I can remember some awful times with my mum and the endless endless bloody cleaning which dominated everything.

It might have been very tidy and clean (and also there was only me as far as dc in the house) but it was miserable trying to maintain that level

purpleduck · 10/04/2009 17:00

My Grand Rule for EVERYTHING is: will I regret it when I am 90?

Will I regret having a "generally clean, but a bit cluttery-y" house when I am 90? No.

Will I regret constantly berating myself for having a "generally clean but a bit clutter-y" house? YES!

I am not organised, I do my best, and my house is ok. Not the tidyest, but certainly not the worst.

I don't judge people - anymore. I probably used to, but the more accepting I have become of myself, the more accepting I have become of others.

lingle · 10/04/2009 17:02

Also, my MIL is frankly jealous of how I don't give a damn about a less than perfect house. She felt like a slave to her house, constantly trying to maintain the approval of her own MIL.

DH has no memory of the elaborate birthday parties she organised for them - because most of the preparation consisted of scrubbing and preening the house.

TsarChasm · 10/04/2009 17:10

I do think your own messy house looks worse to you than to other people though.

I have been to friends houses and they've done the 'oh I'm sorry about the house...what must you think' but they never look awful to me. Especially when there are children involved.

I just don't see the world the way I once might have done pre dc.

Flamesparrow · 10/04/2009 17:25

Yes.

I don't let people in my house. It is dirty and messy and I am ashamed.

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 10/04/2009 17:29

Come and look at my house, I promise you'll feel better about yours.

My MIL's house was always perfect and she judged and judged and judged. But then, she had nothing else to do.

BonsoirAnna · 10/04/2009 17:31

I like to have a clean, tidy, sparsely furnished house because that is how I and my family like to live. But of course other people form opinions about judge us on that - and that is just fine with me!

Madsometimes · 10/04/2009 17:50

Oh dear, my house is not looking very good at the moment. I used to have a cleaner, but she retired just before Christmas and my dh we decided to cut back on expense and I would do it myself. I am finding it quite tough to keep up. I would like a to chuck out all my stuff into a big skip.

I am always astonished when I see immaculate houses in magazines etc. I always want to know where's all their stuff

jeminthecity · 10/04/2009 17:54

Right....

If someone comes and judges me by my house, then they are not the type of people or friends I want in my house.

My house is NOT pristine, and I wouldn't want it to be. On the other hand, it's not dirty either. It's got a family of 5 living in it. ]

I know someone whose house is like a show-home- I have never been more uncomfortable.

My house is my home,it's not a showpiece to impress others.

IotasCat · 10/04/2009 17:59

If I have planned for someone to come round I would make the house look presentable , but if someone dropped in unexpectedly I wouldn't be at all bothered if the house was a mess.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 10/04/2009 18:01

I'm more likely to judge people with pristine houses to be honest. I think they must do nothing but tidy up - when do they have time to have fun, play with the kids, etc.

Fizzylemonade · 10/04/2009 18:03

My house is generally tidy but then I am a sahm with one child at school and the other goes to playgroup 2 mornings a week. So I have time to do it.

I do flylady as a long time ago when ds2 was a baby I had a "friend" pop by univited, as she left she said "I'll leave you to get on with your cleaning" I was actually sat on my arse feeding ds2 watching This Morning with no intention of cleaning

It helps that I know how to organise stuff and that I have a playroom so lots and lots of labelled storage (sadly) so the boys know where to tidy things back to at night. Also it is all wipeable so laminate floor making cleaning up after painting or playdoh easy.

I also have a utility that doubles as a small laundry room so I have a BIG basket that when it overflows with clean clothes I iron

I have a system so laundry is done on certain days etc. It is so that I don't have to do any housework on the weekend. I hoover first thing in the morning because I cannot be arsed at night.

I don't judge anyone on the way their house looks, I wouldn't assume that someone was a bad parent because of their house.

People have asked me in a jokey way to come and help them organise their house and I would help them because it took me 6 years and a lot of fannying around to get my house to work for me.

Original poster
Rothwellmummy · 10/04/2009 18:29

Went to Dunelm this afternoon with DCs after cinema and bought LOADS of baskets!!!!

I dug my label maker out this evening too and am labelling things. ( kitchen cupboard shelves all labelled and food in right place!)

I have 5 Dcs at home and although some are still too young to read, my older 3 certainly can so from now thinks are going to have to go where the label says!

It's nice to read that others houses are not perfect all the time either. My Mum is coming round tonight to help with some organising so hopefully by tomorrow i'll feel a little more organised!

OP posts:
allthoseeggsaremine · 10/04/2009 22:37

You sound like you've got it sussed fizzylemonade You also sound nice, as if although you are organised you would just take other people the way they are! Kind of like a couple of my friends.....thankfully

amazonianwoman · 10/04/2009 23:25

Fizzy - when can you come round to mine to help me get organised??

Our clutter is so disorganised I don't know where to start. So I don't...