still at work, jsut about to leave. Just written this for my coaching session tomorrow. It's made me feel strangely good - it's part of a neuro linguistic programming thingy to improve my confidence. Thought you might like a read.
My safe space, where I feel relaxed and confident is my kitchen, specifically when I am cooking. It isn?t big ? a kitchen diner in a Victorian mill workers house and it isn?t entirely to my taste but it?s mine and I like it.
You enter the kitchen through the back door of the house ? which is actually the street door but it?s a quiet street, and there are really only the neighbours and the school run parents who go past.
The units are brown ? fake oak a? la Ikea and badly fitted by the previous owner but it?s nice and it?ll do for now. The two doors out of the kitchen lead straight into the lounge or up the stairs. With the lounge door open I can be in the kitchen on my own but be with my family at the same time ? great for creating a bit of rare space for myself.
There is a square oak table and 4 chairs by the old chimney breast, the alcove of which is devoted to three thick oak book shelves, two of which are crammed with cookery books.
It?s not entirely tidy but I?m working on it and it?s not always clean when I leave for work or when I go to bed but it always gets cleaned before I cook and then it looks it?s nicest.
The sink is to the right of the back door in front of a huge window, it doesn?t open it?s just one big pane of glass but it looks out at the church and the school so it?s very pleasant, like a big picture. No matter what the weather there is always something interesting to look at on the church and the birds have a good time in the school?s hedge, which is full of raspberries in the autumn.
It doesn?t matter how cross, tense or upset I might be when I start cooking I know that when I finish I will feel at least a bit better. When I cook I feel in control.
I like to listen to music when I?m in the kitchen and the type of music depends on the mood I?m in to start with. Something heavy for the dark days, something to dance to if I?m tense and something upbeat if I?m feeling happy already ? all the better to capitalise on those good feelings. Sometimes, if I think nobody is listening, I sing.
I stand at the work surface next to the oven and when I?m in the kitchen I move with grace, almost dancing as I cook, moving smoothly from one area of the kitchen to another.
I am in control of my tools and I know what I?m doing, I can improvise or follow a recipe and most of the time what I make is good. Cooking for others makes me feel good and warm, I like to feed the people I love but it?s also an opportunity to show off every now and again.
I can work out my frustrations, if I have any, with a knife or pounding dough for bread. I cook until I feel better. Sometimes it?s just the one dish. Sometimes I spend all day filling the kitchen with things to eat until every work surface is jammed with yummy things and we know that we?ll never manage to eat them all.