Overwhelmed - tell me your best systems for keeping house clean and tidy with young children

[Stateyourbusiness]

I’ve got a 15wk old baby and a 2.5yo son. Currently on mat leave. DH works full time. Toddler is in nursery mon-fri and I’m at home with the baby.

I realise a lot of other people manage better than me, and with more children. I feel overwhelmed a lot and like I never have time to get anything done. I look around and the house is constantly a mess and things are not as clean as I would like.

When my baby is awake I am engaging with him, feeding, changing, tummy time, reading, etc. he only takes 30 min naps and I try to use this time for things like sitting down and eating something in peace or doing my postnatal core rehab exercises uninterrupted, or prepping dinner for when my toddler and DH get home at 5.30. in the evening the baby usually takes a long time/repeated attempts to settle so he’s often not down for the night until 8pm or later. By that point I often feel really depleted by the repeated settling attempts and baby crying, so find it very difficult to motivate myself to do anything but sit on the sofa to watch an episode of something before going to bed around 9.30.

we have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight and tbh I don’t do much in between which is probably disgusting. Obviously the kitchen counters and sink are cleaned every evening but I don’t clean the bathroom in between cleaner visits beyond bleaching the loo if required or running the hoover around maybe once (or if we have visitors coming and I suddenly realise the floors are rank).

there’s also clutter everywhere that I never feel I have time to sort through and tidy up.

id really like to have higher standards. im really affected by my environment and feel I’d have more brain space and energy if the house looked better. The tidiest it ever looks is the night before the cleaner comes as it’s as if something switches in my head, I look around and suddenly notice the various things on the floors and surfaces that shouldn’t be there and put them away so the cleaner can clean properly.

I feel if I had some good daily systems in place that were automatic so I didn’t have to think about them, it would be easier to keep on top of things.

DH is tidier and more organised than me, btw, it’s not like I’m tidying up his mess. I’m the one who abandons cups halfway to the dishwasher etc. but neither of us cleans beyond the kitchen, really.

Just interested to hear what systems/habits/routines work for other people, so please share!

I won’t say be kind - maybe I just need a good shaming to realise this isn’t normal and I need to make more effort!

There is only so much time in the day and you are doing ok. Could you afford a weekly clean?

The clutter is your biggest enemy here. Are you EBF or can your DH take the kids out for half a day while you commit yourself to a solid declutter? Break it didn’t one area and one room at a time.

Sorry not helpful advice as I’m going to go the opposite and say this is totally normal. For those first few years we just embraced the chaos. There’s only so many hours in the day and as much as I feel far less stressed in a tidy home with DC those ages it felt like an uphill battle.

Batch cooking. Whether you use a slow cooker, hob, oven, every time you cook, make double the quantity and freeze portions. Frozen veg for days you just haven't got time to peel and chop.
Kallax storage. Seriously, cleaning is easy when the floor is clear.
Online shopping.

First of all, your priority with such a young baby is to get enough rest yourself! That being said, if you’re affected by the state of your house, then thinking about how to manage it is helpful.
Heres some suggestions.
Give the bathroom a quick wipe round when your DC are in bath (get DH to dress the baby).
Get a cordless vacuum cleaner - it makes quick work of vacuuming the floors.
Get a squirty floor mop and before you go to bed you and DH quickly vacuum and mop round.
Have one nice big lidded box near the stairs to throw all the crap in at the end of the day - out of sight is out of mind.
One morning every weekend DH takes both DC out for at least a couple of hours to give you time to have a bigger tidy up. (OR you take them and he tidies up)
Babies do not need entertaining every waking minute - your baby will be fine on a playmat while you potter, have a brew, watch mindless Tv for half an hour.

Your priorities - focus on you and baby - are right.

your house is clean enough - people dont die or get ill from a house that isn’t perfection.

you may feel calmer if it was tidier - examine this - is this a social conditioning thing? That’s really common - guilted and shamed as women to waste time and effort on really low priority stuff.

If it’s partly you - perhaps you need one clear calm space not a whole house. So if the mug isn’t in the dishwasher but also isn’t in the living room I am happy

You just have to keep tidying and cleaning basically. Make breakfast for the kids and make sure you unload the dishwasher while the kettle is boiling, clear up the dishes after.
Try and force yourself to put things away rather than down, when you are going upstairs have a quick scan - is there anything you can carry up and put away while you’re there?
Get big baskets for kids toys, encourage the older one to put everything back after playtime.
Every night after the kids are in bed the house needs to be put to bed, dishwasher on, surfaces cleaned, kids mess on and under the table dealt with, toys away, quick hoover, freshen the sofa. It’s annoying but your day starts so much better when it’s been done.
Also to say I don’t think all these jobs are your your jobs, if the baby is wakeful and you are putting them to bed your DH could be doing the downstairs clean.

Agreeing with others, chaos is totally normal with such a small baby! It will get easier and well done for taking naptime to reset yourself, that's much more important than cleaning!

But if the clutter is getting you down, could you tidy whilst baby is awake? Engaging with him doesn't always have to be baby-activity centred. Is he a limpet baby or would he happily sit in a bouncy sling chair for a while? I used to plonk mine in the middle of the floor in his chair and tidy up around him while he watched me - I was still talking to him all the time and narrating what I was doing. I probably sounded like a total loon but he didn't care and I ended up with a tidier living room. It's amazing what you can get done in a fifteen minute burst. I appreciate that not all babies will let you do that though, I know I was lucky. If the house is tidy, a bit of dust in the corners doesn't seem like such a big deal.

If toys are the issue then get big baskets and just scoop then into them and get your eldest to help.

Use the slow cooker or have easy meals that just need assembling rather than prepping.

On line shopping.

As a pp said,a cordless vacuum is a really good idea.

I used to put ds in his chair and tidy up,later on when he was a bit older he used to sit in a laundry basket that I padded out with a blanket and put toys in there and he used to watch me and I could still talk to him .

@Stateyourbusiness you have a tiny baby, give yourself a chance. When mine were that age a day where we were all fed and all clean was a huge success. Bonus points for going for a walk or anything like that. House work is low down the list.
That being said if the clutter is really getting to you then you can sort it in tiny steps (the rest really doesn't sound bad to me). What kind of clutter is it and people will have suggestions for how to deal with it.

Sell the children.

You can’t sell children.

The income tax implications would be a nightmare. Just give them away.

What is that phrase?
Happy children, a tidy house, your sanity? Pick two! 😂

I was in the same position as you but kids are now 8 months and 4 years with 3 days childcare and no cleaner.

I have baskets in the lounge for toys that dd empties every few days and tidies them, aside from that I have lists of what needs to be done every day.

Here is my list for tomorrow

[ ] Bathroom surfaces
[ ] Bathroom floor
[ ] Mirrors

[ ] Hoover kids room
[ ] Hoover kitchen
[ ] Hoover lounge

[ ] Kitchen surfaces
[ ] Kitchen floor
[ ] Dishes away

[ ] Polish lounge surfaces
[ ] Put basket toys away

[ ] Sink and draining board

My dd rarely naps and never has done but i put her in her chair (used to be moses basket) or on the floor playing and come back every 5/10 mins and watch her on the monitor.

😆

Sounds about right!

Who’d take them, though? Perhaps I could also offer a lump sum

I have one 13 week old, a dog and a cleaner every fortnight. My job right now is raising her and resting me, getting out when we can for both our sanity. DH keeps things tidy enough with a quick whip round whilst I do bedtime routine and kitchen gets wiped down after cooking. But that pretty much it, and from the conversations I've had with other mums I actually think we're doing ok! So I don't think you need "shaming" because this is very normal and I think you're putting far to much pressure on yourself.

I’m pretty much the same as you but DC bit bigger now. Fortnightly cleaner etc. It was the clutter that was doing me in. I declared a war on stuff and am attempting decluttering constantly. The influx of stuff into the house when you have dc is insane. There is a constant flow out now of clothes and baby stuff and toys and books to charity or to kids we hand down to. Frequent as possible tip runs. I indoctrinated DH and DC by making them watch Stacey Solomon’s show sort your life out and now in the school hols DH helps DC blast their bedroom and get rid of loads of stuff.
On Friday I told DC they could have 20p for every item they would part with from the toybox. They got £5 out of me and I was happy with that investment.

good question! Clutter isn’t really toys. We’re pretty good at doing a basic clear of the living room once the kids are in bed, or whoever isn’t trying to settle the baby will do it - cleaning up after dinner, filling dishwasher, washing up anything that can’t go in the dishwasher, wiping down kitchen counters, tidying away any toys (we have pretty good basket/drawer/chest storage system for toys in the living room we just chuck things in).

the clutter is more random things that get put down on the dining table/side table/on shelves, etc when we’re in a rush when we’re getting home or leaving and then it just sits there and we tidy around it. For instance there’s always random stuff on the dining table that just gets shoved down one end and we eat at the other end. And then somehow my brain just forgets about it and it stays there.

part of the problem is we don’t have much storage space. I’d love to have one of those houses where everything has a home but unfortunately I don’t have enough homes for all the bits and pieces.

This is really good advice @Blackcoffeewithmilkplease @MrsCarmelaSoprano
he is a bit limpety. But also I don’t love having him on his back or in chairs too much because he has a small area of head flattening which I’m paranoid about getting worse (my first baby had it so badly we had to do helmet therapy). But even if I commit to doing this for half an hour a day I guess I’d make progress with the decluttering gradually.

EBF. DH often takes both out for an hour or two on a weekend morning but unfortunately an hour barely scratches the surface!

Our system: one person takes kids out for two hours or so at weekend while the other one blitzes house (I get the better deal as I usually take them out somewhere I can sit with a coffee and cake while DH works his socks off tidying). Cleaner comes on Monday. Spend rest of week slowly descending into chaos again. Rinse and repeat

Oh and find somewhere for as big a Kallax unit as you can fit. Lifesaver.