Overwhelmed - tell me your best systems for keeping house clean and tidy with young children

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I’ve got a 15wk old baby and a 2.5yo son. Currently on mat leave. DH works full time. Toddler is in nursery mon-fri and I’m at home with the baby.

I realise a lot of other people manage better than me, and with more children. I feel overwhelmed a lot and like I never have time to get anything done. I look around and the house is constantly a mess and things are not as clean as I would like.

When my baby is awake I am engaging with him, feeding, changing, tummy time, reading, etc. he only takes 30 min naps and I try to use this time for things like sitting down and eating something in peace or doing my postnatal core rehab exercises uninterrupted, or prepping dinner for when my toddler and DH get home at 5.30. in the evening the baby usually takes a long time/repeated attempts to settle so he’s often not down for the night until 8pm or later. By that point I often feel really depleted by the repeated settling attempts and baby crying, so find it very difficult to motivate myself to do anything but sit on the sofa to watch an episode of something before going to bed around 9.30.

we have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight and tbh I don’t do much in between which is probably disgusting. Obviously the kitchen counters and sink are cleaned every evening but I don’t clean the bathroom in between cleaner visits beyond bleaching the loo if required or running the hoover around maybe once (or if we have visitors coming and I suddenly realise the floors are rank).

there’s also clutter everywhere that I never feel I have time to sort through and tidy up.

id really like to have higher standards. im really affected by my environment and feel I’d have more brain space and energy if the house looked better. The tidiest it ever looks is the night before the cleaner comes as it’s as if something switches in my head, I look around and suddenly notice the various things on the floors and surfaces that shouldn’t be there and put them away so the cleaner can clean properly.

I feel if I had some good daily systems in place that were automatic so I didn’t have to think about them, it would be easier to keep on top of things.

DH is tidier and more organised than me, btw, it’s not like I’m tidying up his mess. I’m the one who abandons cups halfway to the dishwasher etc. but neither of us cleans beyond the kitchen, really.

Just interested to hear what systems/habits/routines work for other people, so please share!

I won’t say be kind - maybe I just need a good shaming to realise this isn’t normal and I need to make more effort!

Thanks for the suggestions! Recently got a squirt floor mop actually and love it. But it only reallY gets brought out if I’m expecting visitors. Youre right, doing it before bed would keep on top of the floors nicely. The floors are probably what gross me out the most tbh. Constantly covered in cat hair and crumbs.

really stupid question and ridiculous that I need things spelled out to this extent BUT what kind of system do you have for making sure there are always clean cloths in the bathroom to do a quick wipe down while the kids are in the bath, and what products do you use? My problem seems to be I’ll notice things need doing while I’m in the bathroom but there’s not a cloth in there to do it and when I leave I immediately forget. I’m not usually able to easily run downstairs to get a cloth because one child or other is being fussy/can’t be left unaccompanied.

If you can afford cleaner to come weekly then I would recommend that. We don’t do any cleaning really between visits, obviously toilet if someone makes a mess, robot hoover trawls around in the evenings, kitchen surfaces wiped, spills cleaned up etc but we don’t really anything else as we know that every Monday the floors will be properly vacuumed, mopped, the bathrooms properly cleaned, etc. Our dog takes care of the crumbs issue!

currently breastfeeding and looking round the bedroom that will be the new baby’s room when I get my act together.

clutter/junk currently sitting in this room includes:

• 4 shelves in their boxes I need to find time to affix to the walls (need to research how to do this on plasterboard walls first as I haven’t a clue)
• 2 small baskets of pens/pencils/other stationery bits, and wires/chargers that I decluttered from another room, know I want to keep, but currently don’t have a home
• a couple of online shopping orders (clothes) I need to try on, decide on and return
• discarded roll of wrapping paper, tape and scissors from when I wrapped a present in a rush yesterday before rushing out the door to meet a friend (these items live upstairs and having to take things to a different level of the house is often a stopping point)
• an unwanted gift from my MIL
• a pile of empty seagrass and felt baskets I bought recently to organise stuff in but havent got round to doing yet
• a small box of items I plan to list on Vinted at some point
• an empty wooden box from zara home I don’t currently have a use for but dont want to get rid of because i like it
• a box containing a water play set for the garden we got out a few weeks ago when it was sunny and haven’t put away yet (it’s new so doesn’t have a home and is quite large…)
• Messy piles of books and several discarded mugs on the bookshelves
• a playmat with toys, cards, etc that there doesn’t seem to be much point in putting away as I put baby on there every day at some point.
• the travel cot in its case which has been there since we got back from a weekend away last weekend
• empty plastic bags for clothes I might return
• a couple of prints I need to find frames for
• a baby gate leaning against the wall we’re currently not using
• dressing table strewn with receipts, gift cards, jewellery, hair ties, nail polish, hair products, water bottle, clothes debobbler, empty pouches for organising, a card I need to write and send, a gift I need to wrap and post (to a friend who had a baby 6 weeks ago for God’s sake), tape measure, silver nipple caps I haven’t used for months

just to give you an idea!

So you get a basket for the table which looks nice but holds all the crap and bits and bobs until you have time to deal with them . My house has tons of baskets 🙄😂

We have a hanging thing on the back of the door , 2 actually,one for wash cloths and one for cleaning cloths. Will see if I can find the link. I hate to say it but you do have to just do stuff, all the systems in the world won't help, you just have to do it. There will only be cloths in the bathroom if you or DH or the cleaner put them there.

I think my brain thinks that by keeping them visible I’ll remember to put them away - or often it is things I DO need to remember to take somewhere/do something with, so I’ll keep them out. Worry that if I put them in a basket they will be gone for good as I’d never remember to clear out a basket!

I think a lot of this is also baby brain/having no short term memory right now…

https://amzn.eu/d/08LnWR38

This kind of thing,I can't find the exact thing we have.

Just get the place visibly tidy so you are happier then when you are less tired one of you can sort the basket. I think you're being a bit hard on yourself.

One thing that helped me was to give up on storing things and saving packaging thinking I was going to sell them on vinted someday and just give them away or donate to charity. That got rid of one whole category of clutter.

Edited for typo

Some basic rules that increased my ability to stay in top of things were

DC dont eat or drink anything unless they are sitting down (chair or floor). Massively reduces crumbs (and also choking risk)

Food does not leave the kitchen, so all snacks and meals happen there (dining room excepted). Adult drinks can leave the kitchen, but kids drinks dont. Massively reduces sippy cups abandoned and crumbs/stains etc

Arts and crafts only happen at the kitchen table and are stored in a kitchen cupboard so only adults can get them out..Massively reduces mess

Always plan a job to do when next breastfeeding, usually an online one. So that when you sit down, you have all the bits of paper & devices etc that you need to do it

Put a basket on the top and bottom of the stairs and put things that need to be returned to their hoe in it. Never go up of down without taking it with you (never a wasted trip)

Keep a small stock of nappies, spare clothes, wipes, sippy cups, snacks in the car and at the end of the day, refill both it, the changing bag and the nursery bag and prep anything you need for the next day as part of your routine.

Prep the bathroom so you can clean it while dc are in the bath. I kept kitchen roll in there to make it easier while the dc were little. Put child proof locks on the cupboards where you keep the cleaning products

treat everytime when dc are doing an activity as a time you do household jobs. So dc are in the bath, bring in a load of washing and fold it while they are playing. Dc are eating, clean the kitchen and mop the floors, or fold washing. You narrating what you are doing and then singing silly songs with them. Showing them things and asking them what they are called or saying look at this. Its a sieve, I used it to wash your strawberries is just as good playtime as time spent with their toys.

I had a high chair that reclined and i put my babies in it from newborn (with a soft liner). That way they were safe from the toddler and up at my level so i could interact with them while cooking/cleaning the kitchen. It also wheeled around. It was so helpful and then they could be sat up a little more as they grew stronger.

Maybe something in this list will be helpful. The key is to find systems that work for you and then actually do them.

Yeah, even ChatGPT tells me I need to just get the hell on with it instead of spending time trying to plan systems around it 😅

I like the hanging basket idea, the linen ones are cute.

do you just use the cloth once and then it goes in the wash? I mean OBVIOUSLY yes if it touches the toilet, but if you were just doing a wipe down of the sink would you reuse it? What DO people do when they do a wipe down of the bathroom? Sink, bath and toilet each time? (Daily?)

I think you are doing amazingly well with a newborn and a toddler. Could you stretch to a session with a professional organiser or handyman? Just to blitz through the worst bits (shelves, etc) and then you’ll be able to keep on top of it.

For us I’m pretty good at getting rid quickly when we are done with something. It does tend to linger in our garage a while though so that’s probably more about the luck of having a garage. But I’m a massive basket person. I’d have a basket of ‘random crap to deal with when I have 10 mins) in every room. When you find a tiny bit of space, go through one and sort it out. Give yourself grace that a few bits might linger there a while. At least then you can eat a meal at a clear table and catch your breath at the end of the day.

It is great that you’re prioritising your physical health - I did not and I’ve regretted it since. So if the choice is a physically strong mum or a super tidy one, you’re making the right decision for now. Things change quickly and you’ll find a different rhythm soon.

Haven’t read full thread and my ‘babies’ are now parents. However, can you put baby in a rocking chair while you do a few bits? I used to give mine a bit of grease proof paper to hold and got on with the ironing while the toddler napped (no nursery in those days🥲).She loved the crackling noise and I just replaced it when it got too soggy. I know it’s bad for the environment but a pack of wet cleaning cloths in each bathroom makes it easier. You may have a particularly Velcro baby, but finding a safe and happy place to park them makes life much easier.

Yes, straight in the machine to go on with the next wash.

ETA I use toilet paper to clean the loo so that just gets flushed.

You’re right, I need to get into the habit of doing little bits constantly throughout the day, I think.

I’m so impressed, you sound super organised. Do you have lists for every day? Must be harder on the days your 4yo isn’t in childcare, presumably? Do you have set times of day you do each task?

i Need to watch that show, maybe it’ll inspire me. Love the 20p per item idea! Will definitely use that when my son is older

I do have a list for every day 😊it helps with the lists as I feel like I empty my brain 😂

To be honest I just try and get up and get it done otherwise I will easily put it off!

Tuesday
[ ] Surfaces

Weds
[ ] Washing on
[ ] Washing out
[ ] Washing away
[ ] Surfaces
[ ] Basket toys away
[ ] Tidy kids room
[ ] Bins

Thursday
[ ] Washing on
[ ] Washing out
[ ] Washing away

[ ] Bathroom surfaces
[ ] Kitchen surfaces
[ ] Kitchen floor
[ ] Bathroom floor

Friday
[ ] Bins
[ ] Surfaces

Saturday
[ ] Washing away
[ ] Surfaces

Sunday
[ ] Surfaces

When DD is home I sit her on the sofa with Ms Rachel or Elmo and crack on! Sometimes she helps by sitting on the Hoover and I will ask her to pass me things etc but she usually just plays and walks over the wet Kitchen floor!

Just take it easy and with all your areas do one extra thing a day like an area of clutter.

Things that worked for me:

1. Own (or have available) radically less stuff. In your example about the room you're in, you described having various discarded mugs. If you have 0NE mug and ONE glass per each adult and ONE sippy cup or whatever you need for the toddler, discarded things can't build up. We have ONE pair of scissors, which live in a drawer. One roll of wrapping paper in a neutral colour. One roll of tape, and so on. (I don't think I'm minimalist, I grew up in a fairly poor family in a pretty small house, and this worked for us growing up, so it is just what comes naturally.)

Think of it like when you have a toothbrush. Most people have one single one at a time, and its home is where it gets used. If, in an emergency, you used it at the kitchen sink rather than in the bathroom, and left it there to get out of the house in time, you need to go retrieve it next time you need to brush your teeth, and then it ends up in the right place again...

2. Try adding just one TINY extra task onto each and every thing you do. Think of it as making your space 'one thing better' than it was.
   Each task can be tiny, but, altogether, it adds up and reduces the overwhelm. E.g. each time you leave the room you just described, take one mug out with you. Or see if any of the make-up is dried up or is something you'll never use again, chuck it out. When you see the kitchen floor is dirty, grab a piece of kitchen roll and just wipe up one bit. It doesn't have to be perfect, all it has to be is a little bit better because it all adds up. It also gets you into the habit of looking around with somewhat fresh eyes at your environment.
   Obviously this doesn't deal with the big tasks such as assembling furniture, but it does make things less overwhelming.

3. My baby was pretty much impossible to put down. I bought a meitai (type of baby carrier that you can use on your front and on your back ) and carried the baby first on my front, then on my back as he grew bigger. Life became SO much easier because I could do things round the house hands free.

4. If you deal with small cleaning tasks often, they don't need to be super thorough, because things don't build up so much.
   As in, you don't need to use chemicals that you don't want to use around your kids. For example, wiping the hand basin with kitchen roll, then tossing it means that limescale and soap scum don't build up. And obviously your cleaner is doing a proper clean when she comes, so it's getting done thoroughly at regular intervals.

I know this would help a lot. I consider it every now and again but it feels wasteful considering im about to enter the unpaid portion of my mat leave. But I’ll probably eventually give up on it and get rid. Especially since some of this stuff has been hanging around for years!

another thing that would probably help would be to accept the fact I shouldn’t/won’t have another baby in the future (main reasons being we can’t afford it, I’m already 41, and DH doesn’t want to). Right now I can’t quite face making that decision for good so not even getting rid of the baby stuff as it’s being outgrown…

Thanks for taking the time to give such detailed examples, I find that really helpful - lots of great advice in there! Why have I never considered kitchen roll for the bathroom?! Planning BFing jobs is a great shout (although unfortunately this baby is a very efficient feeder so I only get about 5-8 mins on each side!)

Yes, I need to be better at doing jobs while they’re around. At least if it’s just the baby. If my toddler is around I like to engage with him as much as possible because he’s in nursery full time and DH does all of his bath and bedtimes, gets him up and dressed every morning, does most nursery drop offs and pick ups and all night wakes. He’s very much default parent with the toddler since the baby arrived so I’m trying to protect the relationship with my eldest as much as possible by being as present as I can when with him.

Oh to have a garage! I just know I’d fill it with stuff that would cause me even more stress though 😆 Hiring a handyman is a great idea!

Some really great tips in there, thank you. I should use the carrier more when baby is awake actually. Number 4 is a very good point indeed. I love number 2 as a strategy. Not sure I can get on board with number 1, though I get why it works. If I want to have any hope of getting anything done I need things on each floor of the house. It’s a three storey house (not massive by any means, a very narrow cramped Victorian house with somewhat crappy loft conversion) so I do find it stalls things if I have to run up and down endlessly getting things. I need to make things as easy as possible for myself. The thought of having to remember which room i left my mug in when i get a few mins when the baby is happy on the floor so i can make a coffee doesn’t appeal - im way too forgetful. Also what do you do for mugs and glasses when you have people over??

Declutterring works miracles. The less stuff you have the less overwhelmed your brain feels.

"Also what do you do for mugs and glasses when you have people over??"

I keep an 'overflow' of extras for when we have guests. There are two extras which are fairly readily accessible, but all others are in the topmost kitchen cupboard, behind other things. So I have to stand on a stepladder and move things around to get at them. So I will do it if invited guests are coming, but certainly would never be tempted to use them on a daily basis as they are too much trouble to regularly access.

For the stuff you've been planning to get rid of for years. Get rid of it!
Don't think of it as being wasteful. The money for buying it has already been spent, the money you could regain by selling it will be minimal compared to the effort required.
In the meantime, it is not just sitting there inertly. It actually sits there silently yelling at you to DO things:
'Clean me!'
'Clean around me!'
'Make sure no moths are breeding in me!'
'Organise me!'
'Sell me!'
'Give me to the right person!'

Getting rid of excess is really really calming.