Separate bedrooms for long term couple

[Samewrinklesnewname]

Has anyone else accepted that separate bedrooms are the way forward?
I’m in my mid 60s, dh of 30 years early 60s and is the worlds worst snorer-especially after alcohol! He used to sleep in the spare room when he’d been out for beer, but over the last couple of years, partially due to me being a lifelong chronically bad sleeper, made worse by menopause, this has become permanent, and I love it!

From speaking with friends it seems like a lot of people have separate bedrooms but it’s like a taboo subject to speak about! We’re away to redecorate and my bedroom will be unashamedly feminine and his won’t be 😂…anyone else embrace the better sleep and quality of life that separate bedrooms brings?

The positives for us definitely outweigh any negatives-I’ve been a poor sleeper all my life, and I don’t need the assistance from snoring dh to make it worse! I’m definitely better rested which has a positive impact on my mood and therefore quality of life for everyone

Sounds like bliss tbh

It worked for my grandparents. My grandma developed health issues that meant sharing a bed was difficult. They deeply loved each other. My granddad never gave another woman a second look after my grandma died despite some of the local older women trying to make a move on him. They’re now buried in the same grave so they’re together forever. Separate bedrooms are no big deal at all.

Yeah, millennial here with bedrooms to spare…

It might be helpful to move this thread to Relationships?

We are in separate rooms. I’d put up with his snoring for many, many years, and then when he got ED and refused to do anything about it, I’d had enough. It really is the way forward. Can’t see why I put up with his snoring and thrashing around for so long. I’d never share a room again.

I happily share with my dh (and the other bedrooms are taken up with children!) but I can totally see how it’s an appealing idea to many for so many reasons

go for it!

I’m divorced now (nothing to do with separate rooms!) and will never share a bed again.

My husband and I have separate bedrooms. That arrangement started when he retired but I was still working and the alarm went off at 6am.

I am now retired too, but we have stuck with separate bedrooms as we discovered that we both sleep better that way. Snoring was one factor, but our different preferences for warmth and state of windows was the main one. I like an open window and a cool bedroom. He doesn’t.

Yes this is what we do. We have “our room” and “my room” and we go to bed together but then I go into my room when it’s sleep time. When my alarm goes off in the morning I get out of mine and in “our bed” for a snuggle or whatever else takes our fancy 😜

We have 'our room' and overflow room too. We probably sleep separately about 50% of the week - if one of us is particularly tired, goes to bed before the other, needs to get up early, is unwell. Neither of us snore so it's not specifically for sleep quality purposes, though we both get a deeper sleep when alone in bed.

When we both sleep in 'our room' we have separate king duvets (one bought in from the overflow room) - definitely improves quality of sleep.

The overflow room is a guest room - there is nothing specific/personalising it to make it mine or his (in fact that's part of the appeal - a clean uncluttered room to sleep in!)

For us it's a combination. We tend to get cottages when we go away for a longer holiday so will get one with enough rooms for us to have our own.

DH can sleep any time anywhere but I struggle with any noises nearby, snoring,
breathing... (I'm autistic and very noise sensitive). I also just dislike having someone there and it's like I'm hyper tuned into the smallest of movements!

Shorter breaks (weekends away, overnight at friends) we share a bed. He sleeps as well as usual. I wear good ear plugs, which help but don't solve everything. Then I just accept aill have a rubbish night's sleep and hopefully will make up for it later.

This thread has been quite reassuring. Amongst many other ways I’m ’not normal’ according to my now ex, needing to be able to sleep instead of boiling to death next to a snoring volcano, was yet another ‘abnormal’ thing about me and ‘no normal’ couple sleeps apart….

Going against the grain here - dh is a horrendous snorer but have managed with ear phones in. Feel it would be a step away from intimacy of has seperate bedrooms bit seems like that is just me/us.

We've almost always self catered anyway, so to save money on extra bedrooms I tend to look for self catering that has a sofa bed so it's not another bedroom, but the bed is available - and ideally the lounge isn't open plan, though we've managed when it is.

The only shame of not bed sharing is it does take out hotels, which I liked to stay in on weekends away without the kids (I'd not like a hotel for more than 3 or 4 nights) but two rooms is just too expensive!

It’s a game changer. King size bed each to ourselves. Highly recommend.

incidentally Mounjaro cured DPs snoring with a few weeks. Like completely stopped. Perhaps get him to give that a try.

We've had separate rooms for about 6 years now, he's got restless legs and the worst sleep pattern I've ever come across. He naps all day then can't sleep at night. He won't hear that it's not normal, and he's now got atrial fibrilation which I'm convinced is due to his lack of quality sleep.

We had to share a room recently on a large group holiday and after 2 days, I was bursting into tears from being so overtired. Never again.

Is 15 years long term in your books? 🤔

DP and I have slept separately for 3 years so far because if babies and pregnancy. The babies wake him up and then I wake him up when I'm pregnant and snoring 🤣

I think unfortunately he's going to have to move back in eventually when this baby is ready for his own room. Sucks for us both!

We do and I love it.

Dh isn’t overweight…he’s 6’ tall and just under 14 stone….if I thought his weight was a contributory factor I’d stab him with mounjaro myself 🤣.

When he was little he apparently had real problems with his adenoids and tonsils so has them removed (1960s when they did it without a second thought), so it’s possibly linked to that.

I’ve just noticed that I aged myself 10 years in my first post! I’m in my mid 50s, not mid 60s 🤣

I'm 37 and partner is 40 this year and we have seperate rooms ha. It started because he snored but hes lost loads of weight recently and doesn't snore too bad now but we still kept the seperate rooms and I love it. It doesn't affect our sex life at all as we never had sex at night we are more day time/weekend type people! I love and probably won't go back unless we get a super big bed!

I drifted into seperate rooms a couple of years ago when our spare room became avaliable again after the Covid home office era and being used as a DIY workshop.

He can be a bit snorey, but the main issue is different sleep/ rising times, and going to sleep habits. He favours TV...

We're fine sharing on holiday although the worst thing about caravans is the tiny "double beds". We're used to king size anyway.

Good sleep = happy relationship!

yes I can finally admit it to someone me and dh have had separate bedrooms for about 25 years ever since our first baby because he had to be up for work and couldn’t be disturbed during the night
I love it I couldn’t bear him in the same bed the snoring would wake the dead and I’d go insane if I had to listen to it all night, he farts and he goes to the toilet a few times a night ..I’d end up in the psychiatric ward if we shared a bed..separate rooms a much easier and happier life
First time I’ve admitted this I just couldn’t in real life I find it embarrassing I don’t why, plus I’ve never known anyone who does this or admits it

I’ve been married 20 yrs, have a good active intimate life and also not shared a bedroom with him for well over a decade overnight. Just me and the dog!

Every one is different. I hate the people who are loud in their opinion on what people should do.