Separate bedrooms for long term couple

[Samewrinklesnewname]

Has anyone else accepted that separate bedrooms are the way forward?
I’m in my mid 60s, dh of 30 years early 60s and is the worlds worst snorer-especially after alcohol! He used to sleep in the spare room when he’d been out for beer, but over the last couple of years, partially due to me being a lifelong chronically bad sleeper, made worse by menopause, this has become permanent, and I love it!

From speaking with friends it seems like a lot of people have separate bedrooms but it’s like a taboo subject to speak about! We’re away to redecorate and my bedroom will be unashamedly feminine and his won’t be 😂…anyone else embrace the better sleep and quality of life that separate bedrooms brings?

Yep. Quite a lot of my friends also sleep separately to their husbands/partners but generally don't go around telling others.

Me and DH are both 40 and sleep separately.

We started accidentally when the dog was ill a few years back, and up and down all night.

Then we all got used to having more space and a decent night sleep one-in-two. So now we sleep separately but we don't have our own rooms. We take it in turns who sleeps in the master bed with the dog and who's in the spare room getting a good night's sleep.

It is incredible. I love it. I could never, ever go back to sharing a bed.

Fortunately, we're child-free so we have the space to be able to do it.

Once I've sorted the spare room, this is my plan! He can go in there! I spent years putting up with his horrific snoring! Then he had surgery to remove his uvula and harden the flesh at the back of the roof of his mouth. Which worked for all of 5 months! Granted, he isn't as bad as he was, but if he has a drink, which is quite rare, it's absolutely awful.
It's not only that, he changes gears on his motorbike in his sleep and always, always manages to find one my legs and rake his toenails up it! The amount of times I've kicked or punched him in his sleep, you'd think he'd be black and blue! But no, just sleeps through it! Grrrrr.
Off to clear out the spare room! 🤣

I think many more couples than will admit it have separate bedrooms. We've slept apart for over 15 years now, due to DH snoring and getting up for the loo in the night. When we go on holiday and share a room it's a nightmare for me. I wear earplugs and a headband with speakers playing white noise over the earplugs! Oh and an eyemask as he's always putting the light on or opening curtains really early.

We were recently on a long cruise and I mentioned to a few others that I wasn't getting much sleep and why, and they all said the same thing - that they sleep separately at home.

I would hate to share a room now. I like my space!

Same here , absolutely love it! We started because I became a much lighter sleeper in my 40s, presumably perimenopause time. DH snores and is more likely to get up in the night for the bathroom than me, plus we had a DS who would sometimes also come in to us. I got tired and cranky and then had the idea to sleep elsewhere and have never gone back! I really really need my sleep and this way I get it. I have a lovely calm environment to unwind in and then out for the count. bliss.
Agree it’s more common than discussed, as people often associate it with a dead marriage. My DM used to work in a role where she spent time in lots of large , high end properties and said her conclusion was if people had the space then it was very common for separate bedrooms , and often bathrooms to be the norm.
i don’t really talk about it with friends but I do know two other pairs who do the same as us - one of them I encouraged to try it and she seems happy to have made the switch !

My aunt had separate bedroom and when I realised this in my early 20s I thought how bizarre but I’m now 64 and can see the attraction. Another friend has always had separate bedrooms, even when they stay at a hotel, and have now progressed to separate houses (but still very much together as a couple). None of my friends have this arrangement, often because their kids are still at home so no spare room!

Yeah, been the case with us for the last year or two due to husband's snoring. He had a mouthguard that helped for about a year but it started getting sore. Earplugs only we've worked about 2/3 of the time and now I've become totally allergic to them anyway.

Not ideal for sex life (not that I mind, never had any drive) but much better for sleep. I don't think could go back to sharing now - every now and then DH says he feels sad about it and we try but we just keep one another awake all night!

We've been having separate bedrooms now for the last 15 years and it's great for our health and our relationship. If you can afford it, I'd heartily suggest it.

This.

Plus I like my own space & fidget a lot plus like to be warm.

Me and my DH of 30+ years have had separate rooms for about 3 years. We both snore and I’m a light sleeper who goes to bed at least an hour earlier than him and I get up at least an hour earlier than him, it works for us very well.
On holiday we do just book one room due to cost and we just tell ourselves it’s just a week or however long we’re away for but we always book a room with at least a king sized bed nd on occasion we’ve booked a twin room.

We have had separate bedrooms for 10 years. I suffer from tinnitus so sometimes I can't sleep so have the TV on and he snores (not badly but enough if I actually do get some sleep!). It works very well for us. Our sex life improved as both of us were no longer tired.

We're in our 40s and we're in the middle of a double story extension and we are intending to have separate rooms, not fully separate, more that DH sometimes sleeps downstairs if he is ready for bed much later than us, but it will end up being separate rooms as he often doesn't make it to bed. I'm okay with that. We can visit each other and we sleep better alone. I like total darkness and silence. He is often on his phone until late and then snores.

Deleted due to accidental duplicate post.

DH & I have had separate rooms for about 7 years (I'm 46, he's 52, been married 19 years). If we hadn't, I don't think we'd still be married!
DH's snoring is horrendous & it's constant throughoutthe night.
He sleeps with pillows tucked under his back which take up a huge amount of the bed & drive me mad.
I'm such a light sleeper that I wake up every time he moves.
Because he knows I wake so easily, he tries not to move but is then uncomfortable and can't sleep.
He likes to sleep with fan on, even in the depth of winter, I absolutely hate the feeling of a fan on my skin.
My sleeping has got even worse with Perimenopause, and my restless legs keep me awake for hours some nights.
We love each other very much but are 100% incompatible when it comes to sleeping.
I really struggle when we go away and have to share a room/bed, or when we have people to stay & he has to give up the spare room.

We just have to tolerate each other!!

We don't but we have a super king bed and two separate duvets. The spare room is always made up so either one (usually me) can go in there any time.
If he snores I go. If he's ill he goes into quarantine for the duration.

When we were in the trenches with a baby and two year old we slept in different rooms for a few years. It was a good solution for us, everyone got some sleep.

I’m glad it’s not just us! I do t shout about it as it’s no one’s business but it was during a conversation over wine with some girlfriends that it came up.
We did have to reassure our adult kids (one of whom lived with us till recently) that it was purely because of sleep issues and no reflection on the state of our marriage!

We have separate bedrooms and have had for several years now. He works shifts (earlies/lates/nights). I work office hours so we started sleeping separately and neither of us wish to go back to sharing a room.
We share on holiday, but that’s it!

I think it’s more common than you’d think, but it does appear to be taboo!

I love having a separate bedroom! The only downside is that now, if we go to a hotel for example, neither of us gets a wink of sleep. We are so used to sleeping alone.

We both snore so have a bedroom each. We go to bed in the same bedroom then when it’s time to sleep I go into my bedroom (which is pink!). We both have a great sleep then ☺️

Question to those who have separate bedrooms.....what do you do if / when you go on holiday? Do you have separate hotel rooms, order 2 beds in the room or just share and put up with it?

@LindorDoubleChoc I missed your response.....this is our predicament. We have separate bedrooms partly due to snoring and partly due to the young kids coming in middle of the night but when we go away its difficult to sort sleeping arrangements out.

More often than not we stay in a villa with 2 bedrooms so that’s fine but if we stay in a hotel we just have one room and less sleep.

I bet they do!

We had separate bedrooms when I was ill during COVID (coughing and spluttering) so that I didn't keep him awake, and we've never gone back! On holiday, if we have to share, it doesn't feel like a holiday! I always make sure I go in to see him for a cuddle first thing in the morning and last thing at night though.

I don't advertise it to friends. They have no idea it's permanent. And the other day, someone in my Book Group said something about her DH's bed. So it's probably more common than you think.