Separate bedrooms for long term couple

[Samewrinklesnewname]

Has anyone else accepted that separate bedrooms are the way forward?
I’m in my mid 60s, dh of 30 years early 60s and is the worlds worst snorer-especially after alcohol! He used to sleep in the spare room when he’d been out for beer, but over the last couple of years, partially due to me being a lifelong chronically bad sleeper, made worse by menopause, this has become permanent, and I love it!

From speaking with friends it seems like a lot of people have separate bedrooms but it’s like a taboo subject to speak about! We’re away to redecorate and my bedroom will be unashamedly feminine and his won’t be 😂…anyone else embrace the better sleep and quality of life that separate bedrooms brings?

We've had separate bedrooms most of our married life. Worked better with young babies and as we tend to go to bed at different times anyway we just never went back. Works for us, both happily married and well rested!

We have had separate bedrooms for a while. We are both bad sleepers and one of us being awake would wake the other up.
We have decent beds in both bedrooms. As we both have large beds, the downside is the washing.

No sex unless we have enough sleep. Separate rooms please!

I'm 60 and DH is 67 and we've had separate room for the last dozen years or so. It has been lifechanging in that the quality of my sleep has improved immensely. He's a snorer and a twitcher who falls asleep within two minutes of his head hitting the pillow. I'm an insomniac who lies awake wide eyed and desperate wanting to smother him just to shut him up.

I still don't sleep well, but I love having a bed and a room to myself and so does he. No sharp elbows in his ribs every five minutes.

I don't feel the need to tolerate a dreadful sleep situation simply because some people in society think I should. We've got room to sleep separately and I don't see why you wouldn't.

I really think may people just need their own space. It's not weird to want a family life and a place to retreat to-whatever age you are.

Yep, separate bedrooms here, due to living apart (19 years). He stays over a few times a week, which is nice, but I wouldn't want to share every night, and I love having a space that's entirely mine.
It's a bit of a luxury!

It's a subtle perk that Boomers and beyond don't really notice. They were so lucky to afford flats/houses from the get go with more than one bedroom!

As soon as me and my boyfriend can get a two bedroom place, I really want to advocate for separate bedrooms

We've been married 13 years and have had separate bedrooms since before we got married. Definitely the way forward as far as we're concerned!

While I can see the benefits, especially if there are snoring/sleep issues, just out of curiosity to all those for whom this works - doesn't this affect your sex/intimate life (negatively)? While my DP and I don't live together, we spend 3 nights a week together, and we both love sleeping together for the cuddles/intimacy/comfort/sex, and even without the sex, the therapeutic benefits of touch are well documented.

We are are past the stage when the only time/privacy we get is just before sleep. Empty nest, odd shift working. We get together in the afternoons generally. We do have to be a bit more intentional/obvious about asking.

@socks1107 we try as much as possible to get twin beds when on holiday, but if not feasible, then at least a large king sized one and make the most of cuddling! It makes us appreciate that we can afford the luxury of having separate bedrooms when we get home.

Another vote for separate rooms! My husband moved into the next bedroom 10 years ago to avoid disturbing me when I was ill from chemo and he was getting up for work early. We never went back. We like our separate spaces, set up just as we like them. No children at home. I often go to bed before him and I always wake long before him, and we don't disturb each other. It means it doesn't matter if one of you wakes in the night, you can read for a bit. Also good when one of you is unwell. It feels like a luxury. Sleep is important. Sharing when away from home is fine, or at home when we have visitors, because snoring is not a problem. I do think people find it odd if they know, and assume your marriage must be on the rocks. They are wrong!

Gen X enters the (bed)room! We started with a 1 bed flat, then 3 bed house, and finally 4 bed houses- my parents who were boomers built their house as 2 bed, then extended it as children came along.
Please don’t think that boomers and beyond all had it as you believe

Definitely. So much better

I’m a lark and DH is an owl. We’ve been married over 50years and finally opted for separate rooms over 10 years ago. Best decision ever.

Nothing makes you want sex less than being kept awake all night by somone snoring! 🤣 We have plenty of sex and snuggling in the same bed (or wherever!) but just do the sleeping separately.

Yip! Its great!

I’m separate bedroom from my early 30s! I don’t care about the judgement

Separate rooms for a few years now both of us sleep well now we’re not waking each other up.

A big bed is ok for the duration of the holiday, we tend to turn in early so we get enough sleep even if we wake each other up at points. Self catering type places in the uk we often have 2 bedrooms.

As are the life enhancing benefits of sleep!

On holiday we have either a twin room or if with the kids we each share with a child.

My parents moved into a retirement flat in their late 70’s, they actually do still share a bed but said that the people showing them round were really surprised at that and assumed they’d want two bedrooms because it’s very rare to find an older couple who still share a bed full time. I think prioritising your own space and a good night’s sleep is healthy for a relationship.

I’ve spent a lifetime visiting stately homes /reading old novels and observing that separate bedrooms were the norm for the very rich in the past. Very aspirational for me - if it’s good enough for them… Unfortunately dp doesn’t feel the same, and our sleep patterns aren’t bad enough to insist on it. One day maybe.

It does affect intimacy for us - not sex but that snuggle/chat time, particularly in the morning. Once I’m up, I’m up and I should - but don’t really- go through and cuddle and chat a bit in the morning. My room has a much smaller bed so I need to be the commuter.

My advice would be keep one room as ‘our’ room still and one as the overflow room which one of you uses nightly then try to join together for even ten minutes a morning for cuddles and chat. I’m not taking my own advice though - but this has reminded me I should be working at it. We have definitely drifted a bit, not in the relationship which is solid but in the effort to have warm together time for cuddles and chat.