My dirty room is my dark secret

[Yoyomelon]

Hi guys

I'm feeling really low and overwhelmed and just feel like i need to get it out. I've always been a messy person my childhood home was never particularly tidy with busy parents who both work full time. Now I'm an adult with my own home, my and dh both work full time (I work from home) and while I manage to keep the shared spaces (living room/kitchen/bathroom) clean everyday and u keep my DD(5) room tidy. My office/walk in wardrobe is always a tip. It's awful I have to climb over stuff to get in and I need to work there every day. Im so ashamed, i wpuld die if anyone saw it. And even if my husband goes in (to check the radiator or something i feel such shame about him seeing it though he never says anything) The drawers and shelves are all overflowing with clothes, there are clothes/papers/hangers all over the floor. Old cardboard boxes and rubbish piled under the desk (often as I prioritise cleaning the shared areas I will dump things in my room out of sight of everyone else). In order to get it clean I would need at least 2 full days and with working full time and havng a child etc it just feels impossible. I've done it before but it always goes back to this disgusting state. I feel so useless that I cannot manage to keep a genuinely tidy house the way others seem to. I decided today that I would start it on my break and cleaned out one drawer and then sat down and cried for 30 mins before I had to go back to work. It just feels hopeless

I regularly send old clothes, toys etc to charity using 'I Collect Clothes' and they collect from your house. Saves so much effort if getting to the charity shop, especially if you have a lot of stuff (& even if you don't, charity shops near me are often full and turn you away)

You book online and in my area I know they collect every Tuesday and Thursday.

I had a sort out at the weekend, booked collection online on Sunday night and it was all collected on Tuesday morning.

Everything else I took to the tip this morning (also had to book a slot)

Honestly I wouldn't look at it as an 'all or nothing' type of job, take small wins. Even getting rid of one coat hanger is better than none. In fact why don't you start with coat hangers? Do you need them all? If not get a bag and grab as many as you can in 10 mins and chuck them in your recycling or bin. One job done. When you're on a phone call for work grab another bag, fill it with clothes for a charity shop, put it in the boot of your car. Once you have a few bags take them to the charity shop or clothes bins at the tip. Don't just let the bags accumulate. As the stuff leaves your house you will start to feel lighter. If you want to be ruthless get another bag and fill it with junk you haven't used for ages, the bag either goes straight in the bin, or in your boot to be taken with the other bags. You mentioned clothes everywhere, do you need storage? If so once you've cleared a little space can you afford to buy one of those cheap hanging rails? If so just spend 10 mins hanging clothes up. That's what I would do anyway. I find it overwhelming when a task looks too big, so I've done my whole house in these little bite sizes within the last 3 months, now I just do one or 2 small areas each week (such as a drawer and the shoe rack this week). I'm hoping I can now keep on top of it. I dont even think to myself 'I'm going to clean the fridge out' I think 'I'm going to clean the top shelf of the fridge'. That way I'm ticking more tasks off my list and each one is achievable in a short space of time. I hope this doesn't sound patronising and may be helpful.

Wow just seen your update that's awesome. I think starting is the hardest thing and you've done that bit. Well done.

Fantastic update, well done. You must see a big difference already.

Well done OP! Amazing progress! I think you are taking exactly the right approach now. Clearing drawers is the most detailed and least satisfying, because it’s loads of tiny things and you don’t see the improvement much. Massive bin bags, scanning and chucking is the way to go! I hope you are feeling much better already… and imagine when you e done another few hours!!!

we’ve all been there - no shame needed!

in fact, honestly, you just sounds like so so many women and especially mums. Taking care of everybody else (and their spaces!) at the sacrifice of the time and energy you need for yourself. Think of this tidy up as a much needed, much deserved dose of self love!

I’m Cheering you along!

Totally not a realistic approach. Definitely continue to chip away one tine drawer or 15 minute spell at a time

I did it!! It took 3 days but I did it. Took all the rubbish and recycling to the civic amenities centre this morning and all of the donations went to charity shop this evening. Still one basket of laundry to do but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I cannot thank you enough. I posted here in desperation thinking that maybe some judgy mumsnet responses would shame me into cleaning my room (realistically it would have made me feel worse) but it was the opposite, the kindness and non judgmental compassion helped me get out of a shame spiral and focus on manageable tasks.

I didn't take a photo of the room at its worst because I was too ashamed so the before picture was about half way through cleaning and everything was out in the landing while I tried to sort it.

Bought some flowers following a kind commenters suggestion so you can see them in the after.

Now how the heck do I keep it organised?!

@Yoyomelon well done indeed! Lovely update, thank you for sharing x

Wow! That is such a lovely looking room. Well done. I've been feeling overwhelmed by my house needing a deep clean but little by little is the way to attack it!

I think daily reminders are a good way to keep on top of things. I keep a journal and can list the jobs. To keep my bedroom and dressing room tidy, I go up to bed 20mins early and have a clear up of any mess I've made that day. I don't know how people are just tidy all the time...I'm messy but I tidy a lot!

It’s a lovely room.

Well done on getting it done. I told you once you’d get started you’d carry on. And it’s such a great feeling once you’re done or even just making in roads.

Just don’t drop stuff on the floor. Put clothes straight into a laundry basket or fold them straight onto shelves or into wardrobes.

I am similar. i have not cracked it at all, and is a constant battle but here is my advice.

1. you deserve a lovely calm space. Give that to yourself.
2. Don’t worry about charity shops or Vinted. Throw it in the bin. Yes in an ideal world you would sell/recycle but it is stopping you. Give yourself permission to just solve the problem by chucking it all in the bin.

Such good advice. Always break difficult tasks down.

Great job. I’d get some wicker baskets or fabric boxes for those shelves.

Your home is lovely, too! Well done!

What a lovely, lovely room OP, you've done a fantastic job!

I can get like this with sorting. Not knowing how to start. I call in my husband to get me going then I’m ok.

My friend’s house is ridiculously tidy but she shared a pic of a similar room with me the other week. I loved it! Non of us are perfect. I also went to a party a few weeks ago. Beautiful home. I went to the toilet and while waiting outside my friend came out of her spare room and I could see a mountain of shit behind her. She joked that that’s where she’d hidden everything, laundry to sort etc before the party.

To stay on top repeat “complete the task” to avoid you dumping things. If a top needs to be hung up then complete the task and hang it up. I’ll take this advice for myself too! 😆

Congratulations, your room looks lovely! For ongoing I do a variation on the 15 minute timer, I do ‘3 songs and done’ every day. Line up 3 songs that you can’t help dancing to and channel your dancing energy into whatever task needs doing most. It’s amazing how much you can get done and how cheerful you feel at the end.

Brilliant job. Well done

How to keep on top of it? I had to be ruthless and ditch most of what I had, it it didn't have a home - it went

Clothes and linens were my biggest problem. I had too many clothes for the wardrobes and drawers, and enough linens and towels to open a hotel, yet only a few were being used and very few clothes were. being worn. Three days to sort my clothes. Out went any that were obviously worn, out went anything Ithat was too big ( Ive lost a lot of weight and don't intend on regaining ) , out went all the 'why on earth did I buy that " - seriously ruthless. Some stuff I didn't want to part with but had no space for so I vac packed and have them stored on a shelf that I cleared by sorting out my towels and linens. Ruthless with those as well, Ive now just got three changes for each bed, same with towels - just two bath sheets and bath towels per bed ( I have a lot of beds as I have lots of guests through the year, but only 2 of us live here )

Then I learned the art of folding :) Everything is folded and put away neatly the minute it's dry. Took ages to do everything, takes minutes now to do a wash load. Ironing now takes me a few minutes at the weekend - shirts. And I cull my clothes every few months. Might only be a jumper that's seen better days that goes or a jacket that Ive not worn in years - but out it goes

My room of doom is like yours - multi functional. Mines the hot press, nail bar, office, and wool storage. So far the hot press side is sorted and has stayed sorted these past two years, nail bar ( love my gels ) also pretty much stays clear of clutter and wool is under control . Just need to get on top of the "office" stuff. Ive got as far as each drawer has its own use - stationary, receipts, paper work etc - I just need now to find time to organise each drawer. But Rome wasn't built in a day

Is that a wardrobe and a workspace? That’s why it’s tricky I think. Two totally different tasks. My office is also a craft room so I have a similar competition in the space. Two tips- don’t let the tasks interfere with each other, so never put work stuff on a clothes shelf or clothes on the work desk/chair.
Have a rubbish bin and a recycling bin (I have a bag for each hanging on a knob) so you can empty them easily.
Never never never store on the floor.

It’s completely understandable if it’s the room where you work. When I have time to be in my study, I have to be working. If I have time to tidy, I use it for the parts of the house everyone uses.
If you have teams calls, do you have a handsfree headset? Can you turn of the video and mute for a few minutes and do a bit of tidying?
Otherwise, the idea of a reset has helped me a lot — everyday take 5 minutes to reset to this state.
Also, focus on the visible areas. If the drawer closes and you aren’t losing time rummaging in it, leave it for another day.

Well done! It's about mindset- when doing other things, build in tidying as part of those.

My DH wfh in a large converted loft room at our house. Previous owners had put in lots of fitted cupboards. As they filled up over the years, we acquired more cupboards, shelving etc. DH is extremely untidy anyway. The room was overwhelmingly cluttered, couldn't be cleaned.

In January we started to clear it - gradually got rid of files of ancient paperwork etc and several bits of furniture. Every item that had no use had to go. He had to do most of it as only he knew what he still needed. We took it to the recycling centre periodically- in the end we had three carfuls.

He then reorganised the furniture to create more space and now it looks so much better and it's easier to clean.

I never thought he could/ would do it, but once he became determined, he'd spend some time on it every day.

So now your room is tidy, just check every day to make sure it stays that way.

Love this! I’m going to try that!

Well done OP! It looks beautiful! In terms of keeping it that way, One little principle someone shared with me that I’ve successfully used, is never leave a room empty handed. Eg Leaving the bedroom to go downstairs? What used glass can I take to the kitchen? Dirty piece of clothing to the laundry? Etc…. I can’t count the number of times I’ve paused on leaving a room and picked something up to put away instead of going empty handed. I think that in combination with the ‘three songs’ daily practice will help keep you in a good place! I’m inspired for you!

You mentioned clean and dirty clothes were mixed together. Do you have a laundry basket for dirty clothes? That would stop them getting mixed up.
I wouldn't put part worn clothes back in the wardrobe or drawers. In our house they go on a hook on the back of the bedroom door if they can br hung up or folded but left on the lid of the laundry basket if they don't hang up easily.