Men not pulling their weight at home

[Judy1234]

www.telegraph.co.uk/education/main.jhtml?xml=/education/2008/03/09/st_housewives.xml

Why do these women tolerate it? How do the inequities start out?

It could be a problem in the long term, tho at the moment he's just grateful for any praise

Haven't found another solution yet, unless I work on his OCD and move it from checking house security to cleaning house but don't think that's a route worth taking as it's taken us a while to calm down the security measures...

Any ideas for a more structured approach?

I endlessly drop very factual examples of things that need doing domestically into seemingly other and innocuous conversation (though he has got much more attuned to picking up on things). I call it the drip-drip approach - if you repeat the same fact, (without any particular demand), into the conversation a few hundred times it ends up registering as something that needs to be done in his mind. From there, it becomes but a small step to actually getting him to do it IME.

Going to give that a go Anna....

I'm a SAHM and I do ALL of the housework, sometimes it really gets to me that he doesn't put his bloody cup in the dishwasher, but I have accepted (trying very hard to) that this is my job and he goes out to do his job.

however, even though he's crap at doing any cleaning, he's brilliant with the dc's. He baths the baby, puts him to bed and does the same with dd's. At the moment he has taken dd's (7 and 6 yrs) and ds (11 months) and dog to the park and I'm doing the housework-well, I'm on MN at the mo but I will do it!

If I worked, then we would have a rethink about the housework and he would have to do it while I was working, and That is only fair but as I'm not, I just couldn't get him to hoover the house or clean the bathroom when he came in from work.

DH isn't particularly hot on housework, but doesn't nag me to do it either. He earns well and is great with the kids - takes the 3 of them out on his own every weekend to give me a break.

Marriage is a compromise. In my experience you can get your bloke to do a lot more with a bit of charm and appreciation than with lists of chores and angry confontations.

Yes - will try adding drip drip approach to the routine...a good idea Anna.