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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

How much cleaning should I be doing?

50 replies

MrsLeopard · 30/05/2023 13:21

I am currently on maternity leave and since I've not been working DH has become increasingly picky about the state of our house.
My usual day would include:
Putting on washing and putting it in the tumble dryer/on the washing line
Putting said washing away in cupboards
Emptying dishwasher from the night before and reloading with any dishes sitting about
Hoovering house (full house twice a week)
Sweeping floors (daily)
Kitchen cleaning daily (counters, hob etc), deep clean once a week (wiping cupboard fronts, clearing out the fridge)
Deep cleaning bathrooms once a week
General tidying daily as required
Cleaning cats litter tray as required (doesn't use it every day)

DH thinks I need to be doing more and that our house should be spotless whilst I'm not at work. He grew up with his mother working full time so he had to do housework when he came in from school and says he always managed everything in an hour so he doesn't know why I'm not doing everything every day. Any tips for how to become more efficient?
To add context I have a 4 month old baby I take to swimming and baby group every week, I do volunteering for an hour a week and I do all cooking and food shopping as well as trying to see my parents once morning or afternoon a week.

OP posts:
AP5Diva · 30/05/2023 13:35

Any tips for how to become more efficient?

I think you do more than the minimum cleaning. The issue is that DH is comparing apples and oranges. A teen blitzing an empty home is not the same as a woman with infant on hip interrupting childcare with 10min bursts of cleaning.

Youre not inefficient. The thing to do is a social experiment. DH thinks it can all be done in an hour? Great. So leave the baby with DH for an hour and then see how well he gets on. You don’t need to leave the house. You can just tuck up in bed with a book and cup of tea. And your miracle efficient DH will not only keep 4mo happy but will get the house spotless in 60mins flat. I really would suggest that. It’s the only way he will understand he is unfairly comparing two different situations.

Summerishereagain · 30/05/2023 13:59

Have a look at TOMM for efficiency but her first principle is all adults need to be pulling equal weight.

Lkgcsr · 30/05/2023 14:03

That sounds like plenty and more than I did while on maternity leave. There’s more to life than a spotless house and if he wants it that way he should do it himself

CremeEggThief · 30/05/2023 14:06

Eh? As much or as little as you like!

If I were you, I'd be be telling your DH to fuck off and mind his own business. He's being a controlling twat!

WheelsUp · 30/05/2023 14:06

He's completely overestimating how much you can get done while looking after a 4 month old. I bet he's not looked after the 4 month old for the day while to demonstrate how much cleaning can be done. Once baby is mobile and weaned then the amount possible will be decreasing fast.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/05/2023 14:07

says he always managed everything in an hour so he doesn't know why I'm not doing everything every day. Any tips for how to become more efficient?

Get him to do it if he's suh a bloody cleaning ninja. While you're at it remond him that 4 months ago you gave birth to HIS child and you're not staff to be ordered around.

papayabread · 30/05/2023 14:13

For another perspective, my partner and I did shared parental leave and neither expected the other to do extra housework whilst on leave.

One parent spends the day at work, one parent spends the day taking care of the baby (and resting as the one on leave takes majority of night shifts). Housework is done in evenings/weekends in exactly the same way as when we both went out to work.

Does he think adding a baby to your lives means he should somehow have less housework and a cleaner house?? That's madness.

Believeitornot · 30/05/2023 14:14

Ask him to list wtf he expects? What a cock.

papayabread · 30/05/2023 14:15

The person at home does tend to stick on extra laundry or walk the dog, but it could well be one out most of the day with the baby and the other WFH.

Certainly no deep cleaning!! You need two at home for that!

Simianwalk · 30/05/2023 14:18

Get him to take a week off work, leave him with the baby and he can show you how it's done.
Controlling twat.

Hbh17 · 30/05/2023 14:19

Do as much or as little as you want! There are no rules, but your current list sounds ridiculous - who on earth can be bothered to sweep floors daily? Never mind the ghastly "deep clean" (whatever the hell that is) once a week. You don't need to live in a show home, but if your partner is fussy then he can do it.

Hbh17 · 30/05/2023 14:20

Oh, and a "spotless" house is unwelcoming and uncomfortable. Live a little instead!

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 30/05/2023 14:21

Soooo your husband can get everything done in 1 hour, I'd suggest you let him do it when he gets in then. You are looking after a 4 month old, you aren't off work with nothing to do. Why are you putting up with this pig ignorant man and asking how can you be more efficient?? He needs to pull his weight more, it should be 50/50, you have a full time job too. He should be doing half the cooking if not more and allowing you to have a break in the evening, not slaving to cook for him like he's some sort of king. Of course stick the washer on and peg out when you are there in the day, the rest though should be shared out.

AP5Diva · 30/05/2023 14:22

WheelsUp · 30/05/2023 14:06

He's completely overestimating how much you can get done while looking after a 4 month old. I bet he's not looked after the 4 month old for the day while to demonstrate how much cleaning can be done. Once baby is mobile and weaned then the amount possible will be decreasing fast.

So true! A baby on the move is a mess tornado on the move.

hotelmotelpremierinn · 30/05/2023 14:25

Does he understand what the point of maternity leave is?
I can't believe there are still men like this around in 2023.
Priority is your baby. If there's any free time then it's up to you if you want to do any bits of housework or put your feet up and watch tv.

How much housework does he do?
He sounds like a controlling arsehole.

Workbabysleeprepeat · 30/05/2023 14:30

Agree with everyone else - your ‘job’ is to look after your child who will become increasingly demanding as they grow. You are doing plenty and if he wants more done he can do it!! I’d be so cross if I was you!

cestlavielife · 30/05/2023 14:34

Let him do it when he gets home then as he is so efficienrt
P s pay for a cleaner

Sounds like you do plenty
Fed child and reoaxed parent is more important than show home
Is he running his fingers over a surface?
Tell him to bog off
Or is this his anxiety kicking off ?

Stayinthebox · 30/05/2023 14:35

Tell him you’re happy with him doing an hour each day as he’s explained how easy that would be for him and that you’ll pop out with the baby while he cracks on

cestlavielife · 30/05/2023 14:38

Any deep ckean or once a werk thing hire a cleaner
Far more important to spend time as a family get put and abputt thsn worry about a speck of dust
And that dh has time one on one even a half hour right now
Ask him what when toddler scribble on wall? Pees on floor? Poos on sofa? Willhe freak out?

BonesBrennanz · 30/05/2023 14:44

You are already doing more than you need to do, your dp is being a twat. If it only takes him an hour to do it all he can do that when he gets home.

kingtamponthefurred · 30/05/2023 14:48

Ask him why he thinks it's called maternity leave rather than housework leave.

Lcb123 · 30/05/2023 15:01

I cannot believe there are still misogynistic idiots like this. What a vile man. If he wants a clean house he should do it or pay for a cleaner.

Palomabalom · 30/05/2023 15:01

Don’t bend yourself out of shape trying to please this absolute fool. I can promise you, from bitter experience that whatever you do, no matter how much you polish, clean , dust mop and sweep- the fact he is saying this to you is a red flag. I think men like these wouldn’t think it good enough if you stood on your head and managed to cook a Michelin star quality meal. They move the sodding goal posts. I remember feeling really pleased with myself when he’d come home thinking he’ll definitely be pleased today as I’ve tried so hard. Of course he’d come home and his eyes would go straight to the one thing I hadn’t managed to do. It starts to eat in to your soul I promise if you let it. Your husband thinks you’re having a good deal being at home and is being a twat trying to assert his so called authority. Tell him to piss off now and set your stall out. Tell him you don’t see him as your manager and you don’t report to him.

Palomabalom · 30/05/2023 15:03

Sorry for ranty post I just feel so strongly about it. I hate the power men try to force on to women and what it does to them. Psychological abuse in the end- that’s what it is.

Thankyouforthemusic · 30/05/2023 16:09

I can’t believe you manage to achieve so much housework in a day with a baby! Dump your DH and enjoy your baby.

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