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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

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Original poster

How much cleaning should I be doing?

50 replies

MrsLeopard · 30/05/2023 13:21

I am currently on maternity leave and since I've not been working DH has become increasingly picky about the state of our house.
My usual day would include:
Putting on washing and putting it in the tumble dryer/on the washing line
Putting said washing away in cupboards
Emptying dishwasher from the night before and reloading with any dishes sitting about
Hoovering house (full house twice a week)
Sweeping floors (daily)
Kitchen cleaning daily (counters, hob etc), deep clean once a week (wiping cupboard fronts, clearing out the fridge)
Deep cleaning bathrooms once a week
General tidying daily as required
Cleaning cats litter tray as required (doesn't use it every day)

DH thinks I need to be doing more and that our house should be spotless whilst I'm not at work. He grew up with his mother working full time so he had to do housework when he came in from school and says he always managed everything in an hour so he doesn't know why I'm not doing everything every day. Any tips for how to become more efficient?
To add context I have a 4 month old baby I take to swimming and baby group every week, I do volunteering for an hour a week and I do all cooking and food shopping as well as trying to see my parents once morning or afternoon a week.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 30/05/2023 16:15

Are you joking OP?

You're on maternity leave. That's to be with your baby and recover from growing and giving birth.

Tell your husband that it he can get it all done in an hour, he can do it. If he moans, he can look after the baby on top of this magical clean.

Or tell the daft twat to fuck the fuck off and if he isn't grateful for what you do do, you're doing fuck all.

Come on lass. Get him told.

mondaytosunday · 30/05/2023 17:33

Why are you on maternity leave? Oh yes, because you have a baby to look after! This is different from sitting around twiddling your thumbs watching daytime TV all day.
I think you do plenty - what else is he expecting? He can wind his neck in - and I hope you hand over the baby when he gets in and tell him you're exhausted and it's his turn to mind the baby and do the dinner at the same time.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 30/05/2023 21:49

Top tip- LTB!

Honestly, he sounds like an idiot. Agree with pp, leave him with the baby and let him get on with it.

MysteryBelle · 08/06/2023 09:57

I wonder how much he could get done with a four month old. Very little I bet. Taking care of a four month old is a full time job. I know this because you’d have to pay someone else to do it if you were working outside the home.

You sound like Wonder Woman to me. You’re doing way more than I did at that time. My husband never complained and helped with the housework. But he didn’t help with the childcare. The mother almost always has to do everything. Your husband does not have the first clue. He didn’t have a baby to care for when he was a teen at his empty house. And I bet he doesn’t clean very well and doesn’t scrub around the faucet and stuff like that. So he’s useless.

FiveShelties · 08/06/2023 10:00

If he can get everything done in an hour, I would leave him for an hour with the baby whilst you go out for a while.

But to be honest, I would tell him to get lost and do it himself it if he feels cleaning is not up to standard.

Peterpiperpickedapeckof · 08/06/2023 10:16

You are at home because you have just had a baby not so that your house can be spotless. Tell your husband he is confused. You didn’t just become a housekeeper but a mother. Different roles.

Of course if you are at home you do what you can manage but the priority is not the house.

Baystar · 08/06/2023 14:21

I was exhausted just reading your post, enjoy your mat leave, it goes so fast, and you definitely don't want your memories to be about how clean you kept the house! As for your hubby, hmmmm 🙄

PatchworkDonkey · 08/06/2023 23:50

He's mistaking maternity leave for an extended paid holiday. Tell him to fuck off. You're doing plenty. Maternity leave is to recover from the birth and do childcare whilst he's at work.

sebami · 09/06/2023 06:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

User18540964 · 09/06/2023 06:14

I'm retired and don't do that much, I thought maternity leave was for the baby.

WinchSparkle80 · 09/06/2023 06:35

My DH struggles with mess, and always has. I remember when he used to get home apologising for house being messy and not clean (I had 2 DC 1 yr apart) he sat me down and said my whole job right now is when he is at work is to spend time with the DC. Anything else is a bonus but never expected

He was right (don’t tell him) please don’t fret about showhome standard cleaning. Your beautiful baby is your priority

OhCobblers · 09/06/2023 06:39

gamerchick · 30/05/2023 16:15

Are you joking OP?

You're on maternity leave. That's to be with your baby and recover from growing and giving birth.

Tell your husband that it he can get it all done in an hour, he can do it. If he moans, he can look after the baby on top of this magical clean.

Or tell the daft twat to fuck the fuck off and if he isn't grateful for what you do do, you're doing fuck all.

Come on lass. Get him told.

This OP!!

To give another virewpoint I had my usual cleaner when on maternity leave
when I resigned from my job to become a SAHM she stayed on and has continued to be with us many years later!

Your husband sounds like an utter arse quite frankly and you should be angry with him not trying to be more "efficient" !

JuneOsborne · 09/06/2023 06:42

Do more cleaning instead of caring for your baby? His priorities are way off.

Flidina · 09/06/2023 06:46

You've enough to do looking after your baby, If he wants a show house standard home, tell him to get, his finger out and crack on, or better still get rid of this controlling a*hole.

wildfirewonder · 09/06/2023 06:54

WTF? I think your DH needs to have serious think about why he is pressuring a SAHM looking after a young child. He has some unresolved issues here.

Anyway, if he is so good at cleaning he can whip round when he gets in. Get him to demonstrate. My guess is he did a quick job and is misremembering how clean it actually was.

Some men become real bullies when they become parents, all their shit from childhood surfaces. Don't take any crap.

WonderingWanda · 09/06/2023 07:09

Palomabalom · 30/05/2023 15:01

Don’t bend yourself out of shape trying to please this absolute fool. I can promise you, from bitter experience that whatever you do, no matter how much you polish, clean , dust mop and sweep- the fact he is saying this to you is a red flag. I think men like these wouldn’t think it good enough if you stood on your head and managed to cook a Michelin star quality meal. They move the sodding goal posts. I remember feeling really pleased with myself when he’d come home thinking he’ll definitely be pleased today as I’ve tried so hard. Of course he’d come home and his eyes would go straight to the one thing I hadn’t managed to do. It starts to eat in to your soul I promise if you let it. Your husband thinks you’re having a good deal being at home and is being a twat trying to assert his so called authority. Tell him to piss off now and set your stall out. Tell him you don’t see him as your manager and you don’t report to him.

This.

He is not your boss! You are not his housekeeper!

CindersAgain · 09/06/2023 07:12

Does he look after the baby half the time at the weekend? Start with that.
I had to use the logic “is it easy to look after the baby? If you think it is, you won’t mind having her and doing some housework as well, if you think it isn’t easy then you need to give me a break from it and have her half the time”

Shinyandnew1 · 09/06/2023 07:29

Was there no indication before you got pregnant about what an arse your DH was
about ‘women’s work’?!

piedbeauty · 09/06/2023 08:40

You're on ML to recover from birth and bond with your baby, not clean your house. What a twat he is.

leafybrew · 08/06/2024 07:26

Lkgcsr · 30/05/2023 14:03

That sounds like plenty and more than I did while on maternity leave. There’s more to life than a spotless house and if he wants it that way he should do it himself

This>>>

Plus tell your DH to wind his neck in.

TonTonMacoute · 08/06/2024 10:43

He grew up with his mother working full time so he had to do housework when he came in from school and says he always managed everything in an hour

What complete and utter rubbish! An hour!? He's giving away the fact that he has absolutely no idea how much work is involved. Stand up to this idiotic man who has clearly never done any proper housework in his life.

FWIW I think you are doing plenty .

Cardamomandlemons · 08/06/2024 10:48

So unrealistic with a 4 month old baby. But just wait until that kid discovers yoghurt...and Lego...your dh needs to adjust his expectations or step up his cleaning time, asap

3rdtimeinflorida · 08/06/2024 11:37

Stayinthebox · 30/05/2023 14:35

Tell him you’re happy with him doing an hour each day as he’s explained how easy that would be for him and that you’ll pop out with the baby while he cracks on

This.

Kitkat1523 · 08/06/2024 11:44

Hbh17 · 30/05/2023 14:20

Oh, and a "spotless" house is unwelcoming and uncomfortable. Live a little instead!

My house is 99% of the time ‘spotless’ …..it’s certainly not uncomfortable or unwelcoming ….. fucking ridiculous statement🙄

BonifaceBonanza · 08/06/2024 11:47

And don’t let him do this experiment as a one off as baby may decide to sleep that day.
Also, without telling him why, get him to write a full list of all the jobs to be done? Then you know what he needs to try doing!

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