Complete house declutter - feeling overwhelmed

[foodiemum80]

Looking for some help and tips as to how to approach a complete house declutter please as I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I've never been a tidy person unfortunately but my husband left last year and the house just seems to have swallowed me up and gotten out of control. That, together with my messy mind is due tipping me over the edge. There is literally stuff everywhere. I have sweats about people coming to visit unannounced.

I'm taking a week off work soon and have organised a skip. I just don't know where to start. I've got my young kids on board and they are ready to help. Can anyone give me some advice?

I’m reading a declutterung book at the moment (because that’s the kind of rockstar lifestyle I have) and it suggests starting in the bathroom(s) because it is so obvious what needs to go and you’re not emotional about manky nail varnish / verruca treatment bottles. After that it appears to be the kitchen.

From Marie Kondo (which I’ve also read and helped me to have a big pre-move declutter years ago) I give you - putting your entire wardrobe - drawers and stuff hung up - on the bed in a ginormous pile and throwing away anything you don’t really like, and anything that you’re hoping to slim back into. If you do lose weight you can buy clothes then.

Do not listen to Marie Kondo about books, though. I do regret throwing away many of the books she convinced me I didn’t need.

I’ve been trying to clear out for months. My main issue is no charity shop will take anything, skips to a remote location are around £1k which I don’t have, and there’s only so much rubbish I can throw in the bins.

I did read the kondo book, but I really hated the concept. I don’t want to live in a minimalist house, I just want slightly less stuff and better organised. That also involves stopping people buying me pointless shit like booze when I don’t drink, and it’s weird booze that they won’t take backZ

m anyway, good luck, the skip sounds excellent

As you have time pressure of a skip just make sure anything large that is broken or you don’t want goes in it.

The fine sorting is what takes time.

I advise you to start with a really easy area. It helps build momentum. E.g. bathroom. Get it done quickly and looking lovely then you will be inspired to move through other areas. Even just a shelf if that's easier for you. Oh and be ruthless! If in doubt chuck it out. Don't forget to ditch or charity shop your cleared stuff regularly. And use free cycle for bigger items. Be realistic, you won't end up selling most things you planned to.

If you want a book, I like Decluttering At The Speed of Life.

Or she has a free podcast called A Slob Comes Clean. The earliest episodes are more about cleaning than decluttering, but there are decluttering tips all throughout. This is like borderline hoarding to normal levels of messiness, it's a good transformation, helped me a lot.

I liked Marie Kondo and that's another good whole-house approach but is a bit perfectionist and I didn't find it stayed.

Joining for tips.

I wouldn't bother with kitchen cupboards or your own clothes (as long as they fit in a wardrobe) - they can wait (and easily disposed of) and you'll be carried by momentum once you've got rid of big stuff
Start NOW with big stuff for skip
Remember that perfect is the enemy of the good
You don't have to get one area perfect first
Walk through each room and grab all the low hanging fruit - I think you'll be surprised how much you get rid of in minutes - then the room will be a bit clearer and you'll be able to see other stuff better and go round on another sweep

Concentrate on big things for skip

And I wouldn't bother with a charity pile at the mo - just put stuff for charity in a carrier bag or box next to the skip and someone will probably take it

I will give a quick summary of the "Speed of Life"/slob comes clean approach

Start in the most visible area (living room)

Then move to kitchen

I haven't got past that bit in the book yet :D

She has many guides to how to declutter without making a bigger mess, which is soooooooo helpful to me. Container concept - not keeping more than you can physically fit. Clutter threshold - finding the amount of stuff that you can handle and keep tidy. Very appealing to me (haven't got there yet!)

Get stuff OUT. ASAP. There is no point decluttering something and sticking it in a box in a cupboard. Get it out of the house. Don't fanny around listing it on ebay. Just GET IT OUT. There is loads of helpful stuff to break past mental barriers here like "I might need that later" "But X gave that to me" "This is worth money" "I might use it one day".

NO KEEP BOXES. She wants you to take stuff directly to its new home as soon as it's been decided. Don't decide to keep stuff and let it sit in a pile and then you get distracted and the pile becomes a table. Don't keep stuff and put it all randomly in a box and keep it in a cupboard. It's just being clutter there.

I did this when we moved. I "let go" of the entire sorting, making piles of similar stuff and moved straight to the chucking stuff out. I might have gone a bit too far tbh but it had to be done.

@mathanxiety this is when I wish MN had a “like” button.
What a great list!

OK just checked. She does

Living room
Kitchen
More about the kitchen
Bedrooms
Clothes
Hobby/craft rooms
Storage areas

You’ve had some excellent advice

was just going to add if you do feel you want to send some to charity shop and not skip/bin everything, find a charity that has a local warehouse rather than just a small shop.

Sorting DF’s house after his death was a lot easier when I filled the car to the brim and drove anything good to a charity warehouse in one or two trips, rather than having lots of bags I could only drop off one at a time

The Slob comes clean / Dana K White method works much better for me than Marie Kondo.

Marie Kondo get everything out into massive piles to sort through / it gets worse before it gets better means I get overwhelmed and messier very quickly.

Dana K’s method she describes as “ no mess” so however much you do, you have only made it better and you can stop for a break at any point and have improved the space. (No piles of stuff you’ve created to put away later).
I really recommend listening to her book Decluttering at the speed of Life on audio book. Or she has a podcast with loads of episodes if you want to listen to inspiration while you are decluttering.
She talks about the difference between decluttering (getting things out of the house) and organising (stuff shifting). Your goal is less stuff, and better. Not perfect. She works in layers so you start in an area where the mess is visible by identifying trash and bagging it up. Next layer is things that have a home but are in the wrong place and so on.

It's a common misconception that kondo =minimalism. It doesn't. It's about keeping the things that you love. If you want 100s of books, fine.
If ornaments bring you joy then have as many as you want as long as each and every one gives you the feels.

The idea is you set a vision of how you want your home to be and work towards that.

I’m excited for you op. There’s some amazing tips here and this is a chance at a completely fresh start.

my tip would be - don’t put things aside to pass on or donate - they will be there months later. At this point just chuck. If you feel guilty (as I do) give a donation to charity

Someone mentioned on another thread about Anglo Doorstep Collections. Instead of taking stuff to the charity shop, these come and collect from you for free.

You just go online and book a slot. I had a collection by them yesterday and got rid of 2 big bags of books and 3 bin bags of clothes. So simple, just bag them up and then leave out for them on the day.

anglodoorstepcollections.co.uk

I found it very helpful when I was decluttering to listen to people talking about it, or about minimalism - it kept me in the headspace and stopped me getting overwhelmed by the task.

maybe cue up some YouTube videos or podcasts so you have something to put on if you need it.

The key thing is not to get overwhelmed so start with the easiest things
undisputed rubbish
then the things that are easy decisions.

If something stops you in your tracks, put it aside and move on to something easier. You’ll find loads of advice about decluttering hard things, how to make tough decisions, questions to ask etc,
but if you put it to one side and use your time and energy to get rid of the easier things, your house will be so much better. And you’ll have built up decluttering muscles and find it easier to part with stuff on the next pass.

This isn’t going to be sorted completely in one weekend - I’m not saying that to demoralise you. It will be a great start that will make a massive difference. But if you go into this with unrealistic expectations you could crash out.

I’d strongly recommend looking up Dana White’s no mess decluttering method (she has books, podcasts, you tube videos and a blog so whatever format suits you best) to avoid making a bigger mess than you started with.

I saw a tip on youtube the other day that really stuck with me:

A cluttered kitchen is WAY harder to keep clean.

Especially as a lack of cupboard space means things get left out on counter tips etc - you are less likely to put things away = less easy to wipe and keep clean etc. Looking messy etc.

So that's one area it really pays to be ruthless in. So easy to build clutter in the kitchen. Food, gadgets, excess plates and glasses - all easy to get rid of.

One area that really gets me down is the kitchen, so I've been trying to implement this.

Another good tip is little and often. Decluttering is so overwhelming so to give yourself five minute bursts at least to start is a good way. Or even 1 - 2 minutes if you can't face five. You'll find after a few 1 -2 min bursts, you will naturally want to increase to five, 10 or 20 mins at a time. Provided you do the bursts on a regular (daily? 3 x a day?) basis you will see progress!!

I think the skip is brilliant because often what makes decluttering hard is not having a holding pen for everything you’re ditching. If you’ve got some bags for life and old boxes use those too: just chuck chuck chuck without debating too much. No “but what if I could sell this on eBay?” You won’t. “We might use these candlesticks at Christmas.” You won’t.

Start with one room and sweep it practically bare. One clear, tidy room will give you momemtum. Move on. In a couple of days when you’ve got into the swing of things, go back to that first room and do a second sweep: you’ll find things you absolutely don’t want to keep but weren’t ruthless about the first time.

@mathanxiety - saving your list, thank you!

Mathanxiety has it nailed.

I am not good at keeping on top of my house so clutter tends to accumulate and I do mini declutters now on roughly a yearly basis and have found these so much easier than I found the first one.

I've truly realised that virtually nothing is irreplaceable if you do decide later you need it. I also have a couple of boxes of stuff that I want to keep for sentimental reasons but know I will never use and rarely look it and this lives in the attic. There is a dress I wore to a very special event, a book someone no longer with us gave me etc etc. and doing this has made me more discerning about these items.

@mathanxiety You have inspired me to start decluttering my house, even though I wasn't planning to! I went in and cleared out all of my toiletries in my bathroom this morning. I will be saving your post and referring to it in the future. Many thanks!

You could try Olio for giving away unwanted items.

If you keep getting bottles of alcohol, many local charities and groups will take them for raffle/tombola prizes. Try posting on your local Facebook/freebie pages.

Pick a sunny day at the weekend and put a load of stuff out for passers by to collect. I got rid of some old light fixtures and a bird feeder in a couple of hours doing this.

Books/CDs/DVDs- go to Ziffit/ music magpie etc and see if they’re worth enough to make a parcel. Some will send a courier to collect.

1. If the weather forecast is good then leave stuff outside with a sign saying "Please help yourself ". Saves the expense of a skip. Also advertise on your local community Facebook group.
2. Then start inside the house at the front door. It's the room visitors see first and you'll need to traipse through it to make trips to the car etc.
3. When it comes to toys and the kids becoming resistant to you getting rid of stuff then play the "it's too babyish " card. Also identify toys they haven't played with for months
4. Next start on the kitchen and bathroom as these are the 2 rooms which require a good standard of hygiene .
5. Only put stuff in your loft if you can guarantee using it at least once a year.
6. Don't keep stuff because of memories. Your brain has adequate storage for this.
7. Once you have decluttered set up systems to prevent it happening again. Reduce the amount of paper coming through your letterbox by setting up mailing preferences, cancelling subscriptions, and going online. File and shred old documents. I have an in-tray for post. Get rid of out of focus photos. Join a library so that someone else is responsible for dusting books.