Massive declutter needed, waiting to see if I can get physical help

[HoarderAMA]

I'm a hoarder, not terrible levels but I'm definitely a hoarder. Never been diagnosed and any professionals that come into my house say I'm not, it just looks cluttered. However I know I am, have problems with both acquiring and letting things go. It comes from past I have had ( because I have asked and sought all and any help) three lots of councilling for hoarding on the nhs.

Anyway, I have had a few hard years looking for a secondary for my disabled son. Now I need to do a big declutter. I approached adult socail care saying I'm getting overwhelmed and they aggreed to help me. However I need to pass a panel to get help and then I might have to pay for it. No idea of the cost, but I might not be able to pay for it. Ideally I get some help to start me off, then they give me routine and I get going with some purpose.

It's taken about two months to get to this point. No idea how much longer before I hear if can get this help. Before this I wanted dh to help me pack up, declutter, put in storage, decorate and declutter as we unpack room by room. But that was a year ago. All family want me to be cured, but at the same time, asking fir help doesn't work ( I might frustrate people too).

I want to change, but it's overwhelming on my own. I need a plan B if socail care help falls through.

Before this I wanted dh to help me pack up, declutter, put in storage, decorate and declutter as we unpack room by room. But that was a year ago.

What happened to this plan? Did you find it too difficult to go through with?

Can you start small and look for five things you could take to the tip, or put on Freegle/Freecycle? Would that make you too anxious?

I could easily get rid of at least 20 things tomorrow but I burn out mentally. I need a big declutter in a short space of time or support to do it longer term.

Dh agrees to lots of things but they aren't a priority I guess

I agree with the PP, well done for taking this first step.

3 things leaving your house every day is a good baby step. If you have a car m, have a box for the charity shop and one for the tip, and lots of bin bags. Aim for things to physically leave the house not just go in the bin. You can do it, but you’re going to have to believe in yourself.

Can you do a car boot / table sale? Seeing People who were clearly financially struggling helped me get rid of so much stuff!

Take photos of sentimental items then say goodbye to them.

Read Marie Kondo.

Also the AuriiKaterina YouTube channel is a beautiful judgement free zone full of amazing stories - she goes into a different home every week to clean, there are lots of hoarders. It's so inspiring.

I wish you all the best.

I can't get with Marie Kondo, she gives me the rage 😄 two people bought me her book!

I'm going to tackle the boot room today. I have 4 kids so you can imagine the absolute carnage in there. I might just aim for all the out grown things out and all the things I can possibly hand down like expensive trainers and wellies into a box. So many unpaired shoes in there.

Will take a before and after too.

I have posted this a couple of times because it really helped me. Check if Anglo doorstep do a collection in your area, book them.
You then have a deadline, and this might be helpful to you as you can do 20-30 mins a time, bag it and you know it will be leaving the house on a set day.

Is there any free groups in your area on Facebook? We have quite a few really good ones , you could just put a few things on the site , put them outside and they will be gone . Then once you see how easy that is you might be able to do more. Honestly they will take anything for free lol.

Thank you. We have a local clothes bank and I occasionally try to sell the odd things on Vinted. I think I need to forget trying to sell anything for a while though. The clothes bank is always looking for kids clothes so that's good. It's getting there that's the issue. If it's not at the clothes bank by this time next week I will book a pick up so thanks for this

Do you mean you will burn out after 20 items? If you find it this difficult than would a big sort out not be worse?

Do you have time to declutter? Do you work/have kids at home? Is it a cleaning or decluttering routine you need?

I burn out after a big declutter but if I had the mental support I can push through that. I need someone making soothing noises in my ear and encouragement otherwise I could get rid of 200 things, spend days, it would look no different, what's the point? What a waste of my time thoughts creep in and I give up / burn out.

I have the time. I'm currently a full time carer but my sos at school during the day. He is mo ING up to secondary so once he is there I really need to go back to work so ideally my window of time is now

Don't tackle the boot room in one go, you'll get overwhelmed and give up, I know I would, organise a place (bag /box) for keep -bin- donate -sell. allocate a timeframe 10 mins 30 mins. pick up 1 item decide where its going put it there, times up, decide will you do another 10 however many mins. go again. It didn't happen overnight it wont be sorted over night. Looking forward to the before & after pics

I have done two lots of 30 minutes so far. I will do another 30 then go for a walk then do some generally cleaning and tidy when I get back. I have an absolute mountain of odd shoes now!

Former hoarder here.
I'm not sure where you are but https://respectmystuff.org.uk/ run de-hoarding support groups. I have met multiple people who have been helped to de-hoard, but I didn't live in right area to qualify for that help. I've attended physical and virtual meetings but what's available will depend on the area you live. They may be able to signpost you if they can't help directly. IIRC severe hoarder clearout takes months and costs around £2-3k. The people I know got funded help due to health issues and council area.

I did it without the group, mostly before I found it tbh. I listened to decluttering people on YouTube constantly and it all kinda sunk in. I've set many many different challenges - minimalism game was probably my favourite in the beginning, where you declutter one item on 1st of month, 2 on 2nd etc. I did it with a peer support group on FB and it kept me focused.

I'd have LOVED to do the "empty it all in a warehouse and pick out what I want" that the shows by Stacey Solomon and nick Knowles do. In reality I'd prob have a breakdown though.

If you think having someone encouraging you would help, Gemna Brey, (Tomm/ The Organised Mum Method) has guided cleans. There is a 7 day free trial, and she has these sessions which would help:
https://www.rockthehousework.co.uk/clutter-buster

I find her sessions useful - it's like having a personal trainer in your house. Good luck!

I think it's great to start in the boot room as it's something you will see daily.

Picture yourself getting ready to leave the house and how easy it will be to grab what you need. How when you come home you'll be greeted by this calm space. Like a welcome home hug 😁

Have you had any barriers so far? What will you do with the odd shoes? I had a tough time binning stuff but I just told myself if I can't donate it today it's going in the bin/recycling. When my house is tidy I will take more time and do things "right" but in the thick of it, just having it out was the most important.

Try reading or preferably listening to Decluttering at the Speed of Life, I found her approach really good and practical.

I find having a skip on the driveway a big help to encourage. You haven’t got the mental block of having to find a way to dispose of the things you’ve packed up to throw away.

Honestly -forget the recycling, selling car boot sales, vinted —-it’s more stressful than putting it in a bag.
I work in a charity shop and there is soooooo much stuff.

if it affects your mental health just chuck it!!

Buy smaller bin bags - so they fit in those big metal clothes/ shoes recycling containers which are every where. And black bin bags for the rest and just stuff it in.

Shoes - if you put them all in one recycling unit don’t need paired. Clothes just stuff them in the smaller bags.

books go in cardboard or paper recycling -ask which at tip

the only problem is getting it to a tip but if you get it bagged and tied up and not too heavy I’m sure a family member would take it (assuming you don’t have a car)

I really don't think this would be a wise use of the terribly over-stretched social care budget.
You burn out after getting rid of 20 items? Yes, that's understandable, it's a boring and draining job.
I've fully decluttered our home, doing little and often over the course of about 5 years.
I'd encourage you to start with anything that can be put in the recycling - newspapers, magazines, greetings cards, cardboard, glass jars and so on.

if it affects your mental health just chuck it!!

Normally I lurk on here but I've decided this is the way to go. I'm not lugging stuff to charity shops and having them turn their noses up at it and say they aren't taking any more stock ATM, thanks. MY books go to a local station which asks for them for the waiting room, the rest goes to a local clearance company. I trust that they sort through it for anything usable, but have to admit I've reached the stage where I don't care. I just want it out.

I think burning out after a short burst is quite common. I love the idea of a big skip clearout weekend in theory, but I think I'd get overwhelmed very quickly.

I'd suggest a bitesize approach - so instead of "I'm going to do the bootroom today" (I'd bloody love a bootroom!) I'd pick an area; the shoe rack or the coat hooks or the drawer/basket of hats & gloves.
Same in other rooms - this drawer, shelf or cupboard, not the whole room.

I like Dana K White and her approach to decluttering & tidying without making a bigger mess, and her container concept. I've found her YouTube videos very helpful.

I tell myself that if I was really going to sell something, I'd have done it by now. I mostly offer stuff on our local eco community Facebook group now, although clothes go to charity.

It may be too little for what you're after but I think you might be onto something with the 20 things. There's a decluttering game where you pull out one thing on day 1, 2 things on day 2 etc. I prefer doing it in reverse as you're more motivated at the beginning and there's more low hanging fruit. Another way is to write down the numbers 1-30 and cross off whatever number you get to that day. Maybe if it's a real project then you do several days' worth per day, with at least a cuppa and a biscuit in between each go.

You don't have to finish a room or a drawer or anything. Grab a bag and find 30 things. I found the kitchen the easiest place to start. Medicine cabinet or rarely used drawers are other fruitful areas for me.

If you just do 1-30 that's I think 426 things. I did extras some days, and carried on a bit until I got to 1000 things. For me, counting the things helps, and having "permission" not to finish any room or drawer was immensely helpful. Do the low hanging fruit.

I would suggest one box for the charity shop, for only the very best things, and everything else into bin bags for a tip run.

I really like Hoarders Heart on Youtube - she’s fab. And Dana K White as well.

If it's hard for you to get rid of personal possessions, start with your food cupboard and get rid of food past its expiry date, then food you don't eat donate. Then get rid of chipped crockery, scratched non stick pans, excess crockery/cutlery box it up or put it up on the higher cupboard shelves. Don't buy new stuff, use what you have. Group all similar items together..all kitchen things in the kitchen, bathroom things in the bathroom. The bayou can work on using things up

Thanks some good ideas. Is the decluttering at the speed of life on podcast? That would be better than the book.

Any odd shoes I will bin when I'm sure they can't have a pair. Seeing all my daughters shoes all together is really good for seeing that she has too many shoes and trainers too, so that's a mental picture to stop buying more by mistake. I bought her some trainers last week but she doesn't really need them. A tatty pair can go in the bin.
I like the 1-30 idea to cross off on paper. I have done it backwards before.
I have already been a burden on socail care costs as I have seen a psychologist / psychiatrist before for therapy. If I don't control my monster my kids could possibly get taken into care so this is the cheaper option to seek out help before that choice is made for me. It's like being an alcoholic, I won't ever be cured, I just go into remission. I'm not nieve enought to belive it will just click one day and I will buck my ideas up. Its forfilling a need which I need to replace with a more healthy outlet. Ideal ocd level cleaning! But as I always say to people, this doesn't need to make sense, it's not really a fully conscious choice. If it was, I'd choose perfection. Or that I'd cope better with trauma. But I'm not that strong, and that's OK too.