Massive declutter needed, waiting to see if I can get physical help

[HoarderAMA]

I'm a hoarder, not terrible levels but I'm definitely a hoarder. Never been diagnosed and any professionals that come into my house say I'm not, it just looks cluttered. However I know I am, have problems with both acquiring and letting things go. It comes from past I have had ( because I have asked and sought all and any help) three lots of councilling for hoarding on the nhs.

Anyway, I have had a few hard years looking for a secondary for my disabled son. Now I need to do a big declutter. I approached adult socail care saying I'm getting overwhelmed and they aggreed to help me. However I need to pass a panel to get help and then I might have to pay for it. No idea of the cost, but I might not be able to pay for it. Ideally I get some help to start me off, then they give me routine and I get going with some purpose.

It's taken about two months to get to this point. No idea how much longer before I hear if can get this help. Before this I wanted dh to help me pack up, declutter, put in storage, decorate and declutter as we unpack room by room. But that was a year ago. All family want me to be cured, but at the same time, asking fir help doesn't work ( I might frustrate people too).

I want to change, but it's overwhelming on my own. I need a plan B if socail care help falls through.

Decluttering at the speed of life is by Dana K white. Books are available as audio, she does podcasts and has videos on YouTube. Podcasts can be a bit waffley. I like it as it feels more natural but it annoys some people (she even says so in the podcast!) The YouTube's that arent live would suit those people better.
Heres a good one.

Hi OP, you're doing great. The end result will be so worth it, and the peace and joy you get from a clutter free house is amazing.

I'm currently trying to declutter, I love the Stacey Solomon programme, finding it quite motivating. I also burn out after doing a small bit of sorting though, I find it exhausting.

One thing I have been doing is putting stuff in a box outside our house. Most of it goes( including stuff charity shops wouldn't take) and it makes me feel much better then binning it all and much easier than advertising on free groups or taking to charity shop. A sunny day and leaving it out in the afternoon/evening seem to work best for people taking things. Whether this would help you would largely depend on the footfall past your house though. (Also sometimes the kids bring stuff back in again 😂)

Reduced the odd shoe pile a bit more. It's good to see now that what we have, doesn't fit into its space any more. Dd insists all her shoes fit her! But they won't very soon so there are some odds to bin, some tatty to bin, some that won't fit very soon. Dh is going pull everything out tomorrow and see if the odds are anywhere. Then I have the hall as some might have crept into the hall.

I will aim to have shoes sorted and binned by this time next week, which feels overwhelming right now but I can do that. I might just say that's this 7 day project and go from there. Even if all the shoes fitted, and I decided not to get any more until there is space or dire need it's a start. I might write a list of what I'm doing and what's done and stick up somewhere I can see.

I was going to suggest Dana too! Her approach is great for people who struggle with clutter. I don't have hoarding disorder but I do have ADHD. She does everything so that you can drop it at any point (like when you get burned out or I get distracted) and your home is better off, rather than getting all your stuff out like Marie Kondo and having a big mess to deal with

What’s your housing situation? If you live in a council or HA property then you may be able to get some help from your Housing Officer? I’m a housing officer and I have about 8 hoarders that I’m working with at the moment, some with support while they declutter, some with action plans, and some by physically helping and removing stuff they have decided to get rid of. It also inspires me to come home and get rid of stuff. Might be worth a call if this is your situation 😊

Privately rented but in a weird tied rental where we had no check in and no one has ever, ever inspected our house. If we had inspections I'm convinced it wouldnt be like this. Other tennants are far worse than us as house is clean and organised. I hear some others arent.

I always recommend A Slob Comes Clean podcast. Her rules are very simple and start by identifying rubbish so it's much, much easier than Kondo and removes all emotion.

No decisions, based on where would I look for this first, it makes it much easier and is specifically for people who struggle with decisions and can't identify what can be got rid of.

So with your boot room you'd start with any visible rubbish. If you don't know if something is rubbish then skip it.

Then durr donations, so anything grown out of or no longer used.

Then you look at each item and ask where would I look for it first, not where should this be.

If you know, take it there now. This avoids multiple piles to deal with later.

If you don't know, ask would I even think to look for this if I needed it? If not, donate or chuck. If you're not sure, ask how much would it cost to replace? Then generally you realise you can chuck or donate anyway.

It is amazing and you can listen while you work on areas. I find she hypnotises me and I end up clearing a shelf or drawer without even noticing.

It also works no matter how long you have, 5 minutes can make a difference so you don't have to make a huge project out if it.

She also has books and downloadable flow charts/checklists if you like that kind of thing.

Good luck with it, its brilliant that you've realised you have a problem and now you just have to find a method that works for you.

[My SIL is an undiagnosed hoarder and you can barely get in the house now. Each room just has a pathway through and 5 adults live there. It's getting worse and so much worse since my brother died, there's no way for me to help. It smells, it's incredibly dirty, they haven't been able to reach or open the front room curtains for years and the whole house is collapsing. I worry about a fire as the stairs are covered in stuff, I don't know how they can all live like that.]

It sounds like you are nowhere near that bad so honestly it is really wonderful that you are trying to sort it out now.

I'm very lucky that I have very good awareness and that's very rare for a hoarder. I know everything about the condition but it's uncomfortable to recognise it in myself. Everything has potential value or maybe will be used again one day. Everything! Everything is emotional to me. So when I'm in the mood I need to make the most of that awareness. Knowing that really I could rebuy 95% of my possessions doesn't help me when it's in my hand. I do well with revisting. Maybe the third time I have held the item if I'm still not sure, it can go.

The urge is to sell most of it, but most things really have very little second hand value. Logically I know this, hoarder me says "shut up! Your spoiling my fun" but it's not fun when I can't locate a pair of boots. The urge is to buy more. I could, but I need to get rid of other shoes to create a set home for the new ones. That's exhausting and doing nothing is very safe. But it's not compatible with living a functioning life. The urge is always to play safe, don't make the choices. Hence always a battle, it never just comes naturally. I like feeling safe to say that outlook and it being acknowledged then generally nudged on anyway. Hardly anyone gets it hence socail care. They are safe as mental health trained.

I’ll repeat the suggestion of Dana k white / a slob comes clean… she has about 300 podcasts to listen to and YouTube videos etc, but they basically all say the same thing (as summarised already by a pp).

Plus there’s a few simple mantras - like ‘when you’re overwhelmed, always start by doing the dishes every day’. (she realised she had waaayyyy too many plates etc when they were actually all clean, plus she talks about ‘dishes math’ where 1 says dishes takes 10 mins, but 5 days takes hours and never gets done). The same logic applies to other areas - like your boot room and by having all your daughter’s shoes in one place you realise she actually has too many, not too few.

She also saw value in everything and was hoarding and couldn’t get control of her house - it’s now better for her, but still a struggle - but it’s really helpful to listen to someone who comes to the situation from finding it hard, instead of from someone who was naturally tidy or loved cleaning. 🙄