Do husbands have a special filter for not seeing mess/dirt?

[TheQueenOfHearts]

Just that really.
I feel like I'm the only one seeing that things need cleaning, tidying up, picking up?

Yes, it’s the same filter that can’t smell a nappy when it needs changing and can’t hear the baby crying in the middle of the night!

I also have this filter, I have a weekly housekeeping routine and kitchen and bathroom are cleaned as necessary but general surface mess doesn't bother me. I know I'll tidy it next time I dust etc so stuff might sit on the side for a few days.

No. Some do. Some don't. Some women are able to relax more easily than other women.

Mine does but when I point it out to him, he will clean and tidy up.

God yeah. It also applies to teenage boys. Every evening I say 'gather up all the dirty dishes please'. They come back with a random glass. I take them on a tour pointing out the large array of cups & plates all around the house. They stare at me like I'm a magician. Repeat daily.

Yep. DH does the washing up after every meal without fail. But he doesn’t see the water/crumbs/dirt on the sides. They just stay where they are and I wipe them down later. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him spontaneously wipe the sides or clean the hob, it would be thick with dirt if I didn’t do it.

No, he just knows he doesn't need to bother because you'll do it if he ignores.

So are you telling me that the drill that has now been sitting on my dining room table for a month is draped in some kind of invisibility cloak?
And the stuff on the stairs waiting to go up is too?
And the dirty dishes that are NOT within the vicinity of the sink may be too?
Hmm.
Invisibility is therefore not only in the realms of fantasy! They are real, actually real.

DH has this weird filter, where he only sees dirt in less obvious places. For instance, some friends were coming over for a special occasion - I was vacuuming the whole house, and cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. DH spent an hour dusting the inside of DDs’ dolls house!

FF 20 years; he spent ages on Christmas Eve getting limescale off the inside of the toilet; but didn’t think to clean the sink - which people spend more time looking at, as they wash their hands!

Nope. My husband and 2 sons are cleaner and more fastidious than I am.

DH hoovers, does all the ironing, does lots of cooking and dishes. He can’t see that bit of chocolate wrapper he’s walked over 27 times or the corner of toilet paper that’s under the radiator on the bathroom floor.

This morning he took out a flask and some Tupperware to reach something in the cupboard. I’m working round them because I am sick of tidying up after him.

If I tell him to clean this, put this away etc, he's more than happy to do it.
It sort of fascinates me this ability to not see crumbs, items, stains... I'm not even talking about deep cleaning mind you 😅

The boffins agree with you www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/men-may-not-perceive-domestic-tasks-as-needing-doing-in-the-same-way-as-women-philosophers-argue

Q. Do husbands have a special filter for not seeing mess/dirt?

A. Yes.

Q. What can I do about it?

A.🤔

Answers on a postcard, please !

Only the ones who view women as domestic appliances.

But who in their right mind would marry a man like that?

I'm fortunate in my house... we have one of those sofa beds that you can leave stuff on it and its gone by morning. I put old clothes on it regularly and a few days later they're magically clean and folded.

I think it's fairies. I don't want to jinx it by doing them myself, otherwise they might get upset at having nothing to do.

@C1N1C
I think it's fairies

How can I encourage some to move in here? Do they need a toadstool house or something?

I've occasionally left out a bottle of wine... it seems to appease them!

I think my wife is hoping the fairies will expand their territory by leaving things on the stairs', but I guess the fairies don't like stairs as things can be there for weeks. I feel bad for my wife, she gets very frustrated by it all.

@C1N1C I've occasionally left out a bottle of wine... it seems to appease them!

😂😂

DP just has lower standards than me and is happy to live with a bit of chaos
I like order and tidiness

We both understand each other, both chip in equally and somehow manage to meet in the middle!

My wife has a special filter for not seeing when I have cleared away the mess,dirt,empty dishwasher and put washing away e.t.c.The few occasions I haven't, like on her days off ,she will see it big time make a point of whipping round the kitchen emptying the dish washer,banging cupboard doors,cleaning surfaces putting the clothes away in the airing cupboard all in under an hour..and will she let me know about it.
I have to put all the washing she thinks is dry ,it's damp, back into the airing cupboard so it's nice and dry for us all to wear.l can't wait to get back to work.

My DH sees all the mess and likes to tidy up. He has kept the house very neat and clean over Christmas. He plans to Hoover today. I love him!

I actually have the opposite issue where you can’t leave half a drink or unfinished food without DH whipping it away, kids new toys etc tidied away so they forget to play with them. Sometimes I forget to appreciate the tidiness because it’s so annoying. And he isn’t so obsessive about dirt, like splashes of dog pee, they can get left and don’t bother him, this bothers me more than clutter. My main gripe though is his filter that is unable to see that our guests need things. He will do exactly what he needs to do and thinks I’m wrong for suggesting their needs come first. Grrr.

It’s called laziness.

Oh yes. I wish I had that special filter though. My husband is blessed with the fact that he thinks our home is visiting worthy even if it has pile of clothes on the patio sitting area 😆