Do husbands have a special filter for not seeing mess/dirt?

[TheQueenOfHearts]

Just that really.
I feel like I'm the only one seeing that things need cleaning, tidying up, picking up?

i think people have missed matched standards
A lot of the time it’s left as it’s a non issue to someone there happy to live with it
if ones a neat and clean freak the other isn’t leaving it through laziness they just have different standards

No.
Are you seeing things that aren’t there, or are unimportant?

I asked my son how the kitchen was looking yesterday, he replied it was tidy and nothing needed doing, went in 5 minutes later and it looked like a right mess. We were definitely not seeing the same kitchen

So my DH will declutter as clutter annoys him but he won’t clean unless prompted ( drives me made) I have made an effort to keep surfaces clutter free ( I have a habit of just putting things down near where I am standing) and he is making an effort to routinely clean areas ( not just make it look amazing by moving stuff). I still don’t think he notices dirt as such but he does know it needs doing and does it.

Of course he sees it. He's just leaving it up to you. I've stopped picking up after my husband as much. Liberating. Messier but liberating.

I tried this, but ultimately decided that i shouldn’t have to live at his level, so I do it myself for my own sanity.

See, this is why I got a robot vac for Christmas. Such a domestic present but I just got so fed u with coming home to mess and dog hair all over the floor every day as DH WFH an seemingly is oblivious to it. He's great with dishwasher etc

Now the floor is clear I can just do the surfaces and it feels less annoying already

@TheQueenOfHearts

No it’s just your husband.
tell him to get his finger out.

then perhaps you won’t have to post something sexist.

He definitely sees it, he just expects you to clean it up.

Unbearable. Incomprehensible. Means I can’t delegate anything because it doesn’t get done properly and then however gently or tentatively I raise it he just lashes back viciously. We’ve had an endless succession of guests over the last week and I thought delegating changing over the guest room was reasonably safe - until I went in there when the second lot left and found a pile of ironing in the middle of the floor.
The only options are do it myself, have vicious row, or leave. Whither feminism, eh?

I kind of see it, I just don't care enough to do anything about it very often. Hence why I live alone. I'm just lazy.

Dp is very tidy, and male.

They see it

But they decide it's not their job

They are not helpless creatures with poor vision, they are (or can be) good at saying to themselves: table is dirty? Not my job. Washing basket full? Someone else will deal with it

😱 my husband has a double life! We are, without doubt, married to the same man!

And don't get me started on loo rolls.

Yes to this!
yesterday I asked DH to thoroughly wipe down all the kitchen sides and he spent ages doing it then said he couldn’t believe I did that every single day! 😂

No, not here. Husband owned and looked after his own home before we met.

I’ve thought about this a lot, as DH lived in a family where everything was spotless, thanks to his mum. So did I. Difference is I need it like that now but DH doesn’t see mess! I’ve reflected lots about how you can be brought up in such a clean house without inheriting any clean/tidy habits.

I think the difference I’ve concluded is that thanks to sexist expectations generally, DH doesn’t feel the mess reflects on him at all in anyway. Whereas I can rest until it’s done! I don’t think he looks for mess and if he sees it he really isn’t bothered! Therefore he has mess blindness and I’m hyper sensitive to it!

That piece of research posted above is interesting, and seems to fit with what I've observed over the years. I'd agree with it.

I used to be the messiest person ever, my brother was the opposite as he used to follow my mum around as a child and so was "taught" to see the dirt and mess in a way that I never was. I only really started seeing it once I had children and felt that I had to live up to my mum's standards.