‘Just Never Sit Down’

[NinaJanina]

A Spanish friend of mine gave me some advice when I complained that I struggle with a DD of 20 months and a DS of 4 months to keep my home and our life tidy and organised.

She said ‘just never sit down’ …
Basically from the moment I get up in the morning just keep going until you lie down in bed again. That was her ‘secret’ to having a clean house, car and children.

I openly struggle with things like just for a simple afternoon out, just how much I have to pack, including prams and rain covers, coats, spare outfits, bottles for the little one, then when we get home unpack it all again, whilst cooking dinner, bath the kids then have a bombsite to begin clearing up after they go to bed.

Her words ring in my ears a lot, however I feel living it is impossible.

Does anyone on here just not sit down??

What does this bomb site consist of? If it’s mess left over from dinner, picking up towels after bath etc then fair enough. If it is toys, and mess from activities then you need to have “tidy up time” built in after each task so your children learn it a part of each activity. They might not be much help at this age but they also shouldn’t be allowed to reek havoc everywhere they go without every tidying up after themselves.

That’s terrible advice.

My mother never sat down. I never saw her watch a tv show or read a newspaper. I take a more relaxed approach!

That’s awful advice - you’re not a martyr. Of course kids need to be fed and cleaned but you need to enjoy time as a family and look after yourself

I have two kids and work, I feel like I don’t sit down and my house is still a shit tip somehow. My 5yo sort of tidies up and everywhere is clean but my 1yo tends to undo all that and by their bedtime I’m too tired to do more than the basic clearing up/washing/school stuff

When the DC were little I felt as though I never sat down other than at something like soft play if we were meeting friends
They're now older, more independent and make much less mess and I spend a lot of time sitting down

Nope.

Oh dear, you need a new friend me thinks.

I rarely sit down! Unless it’s very late and all my jobs are done. Sure they’ll be plenty time when the kids are older.

Yeah I don’t really sit down. I remember in the first lockdown, sitting on the sofa in the middle of the day, and thinking …what is this??

I like sitting down, but only when I feel I’ve got the stuff done. Doesn’t feel martyr-ish, just that I like to tick stuff off the list before feet up.

Same. I am kind of in awe of DH & DC who come in and just… sit down. I don’t. And I don’t mean it in a martyr way but if I sit down at 8pm I won’t relax. I want to sit down at 9pm with a lovely clean & tidy home.

I did get a robot vacuum though. Game changer.

God I love sitting down.

I have cats, I have to sit down, they need cuddles.

You have a 20-month-old and a 4-month-old and the advice to you was never sit down? Flipping hell, I remember having two kids of similar ages and I sat down as much as possible (which wasn't nearly as much as I would have liked). What would it be like for your kids I wonder for you to be constantly moving? It is really hard to be in your situation, lower your standards and take shortcuts and get hel when you need it. And sit down often!

She sounds like some kind of 50s throw back sad sack. Ignore everything she says

It’s not for me but I know a lot of people on here who claim to have spotless houses do do this

If you are not working and only have two children you should be able to sit down quite a lot and still have a ok house. You just need to cut corners and accept things won’t be like they were pre kids.

What a miserable life. Obliterate your well-being in about a week.

When they're older, your kids won't remember whether your skirting boards are dusty; they will remember the times you sat and played with them, made play dough together and just watched a film. Sit down, relax, enjoy your children's childhood.

I thought this, but one DC has additional needs and the other one needs more attention because of this, so it's got worse. Also they go to bed later.

I used to be like this, but I have other things to do now (i work more and am doing a masters) so it's not possible. I would add that the more you clean and make your home "perfect", the more pressure there is to keep it perfect. In my case I never wanted to go anywhere as there were so many chores that needed to be done. The simple fact is that it's never done and you never relax and it becomes exhausting.

It’s kind of true. I noticed this with my first visiting my mum. She just kept going until it was all clean and tidy and only then sat down. I do admire it but I modify it to work really hard for an hour then sit down! So my home isn’t clean and tidy. Also Dh doesn’t seem to think it’s his job which is very much todays grump.

I think either some people are naturally like that and some people aren't. It's like those cleaning techniques where you do a little bit whenever you're in a room and you see something that needs doing - little and often. When I tried this - it felt that I had to constantly have my mind switched to 'tidy-up' mode and it was exhausting and no way to live. My brain just doesn't work like that. I need space to think about other things.
Anyway, I have accepted that my house is a mess most of the time. But sometimes it's ok-ish. But I have mental space for other things (music, work, culture, the news, friends etc) that just wouldn't be possible if I spent my entire waking life cleaning. Fuck that.

I'd rather sit down than have a tidy house.

That's what I do. 5yo, 2yo, 2mo DDs there's a lot of cleaning to do. When 2 oldest are at school and nursery i clean, tidy, organise. Either with DD in a sling or safely on the floor. Other than 2 weeks PP i haven't missed a day of housework