‘Just Never Sit Down’

[NinaJanina]

A Spanish friend of mine gave me some advice when I complained that I struggle with a DD of 20 months and a DS of 4 months to keep my home and our life tidy and organised.

She said ‘just never sit down’ …
Basically from the moment I get up in the morning just keep going until you lie down in bed again. That was her ‘secret’ to having a clean house, car and children.

I openly struggle with things like just for a simple afternoon out, just how much I have to pack, including prams and rain covers, coats, spare outfits, bottles for the little one, then when we get home unpack it all again, whilst cooking dinner, bath the kids then have a bombsite to begin clearing up after they go to bed.

Her words ring in my ears a lot, however I feel living it is impossible.

Does anyone on here just not sit down??

Me too!! I work hard (mentally) all week - also sitting down - and really don't want to be on the go without relaxing all evening/weekend

Do you never just sit and cuddle your tiny one? I really relished that time with all four of mine. The age when they can’t run off or climb all over you 😉

Nope, you being in best form possible is the best thing for your babies.

A couple of tiny tips I found helpful. I had two going out bags, backpacks with everything in them ready to go, list on fridge of all contents packed up by Dh on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday nights so no need for the mental or physical task.
Left unpacking task to him too. This made getting out more manageable and I really needed to get out, for my head and bad back and thankfully my kids loved being out and about.

And pop up laundry baskets in each room, I used to have two in each room one for laundry and one for bits that didn't belong in the room. Made the place look tidier.

If you literally can’t sit down on a chair until your house is clean to some arbitrary standard you’ve internalised to this extent, I’d be seeking therapy for why your mental stability rests on something as unimportant as housework.

My dad is like this (my parents are divorced. It took my mum a good few years to recover.)

It was only when I met my husband that I realised how hard it is for us to just... be. I feel guilty all the bloody time, and it's not because of the toys on the floor, it's because with the amount of germs and snot and baby nights and general knackeredness, we need some time each day for recovery. The kids need time to let their imaginations kick in too. It makes the active time richer and happier.

My mum is much the better parent of the two we got 😄

Your friend sounds a bit insufferable. I’ve got friends like this too but I’m having ti keep them at arms length till my children are bigger. We all have different priorities. That’s ok.

"I never sit down" is seen as some kind of sexist virtue for women. Sitting down is seen as being lazy... But only if you are female. Men need time to relax after their busy day at work

We cuddle plenty! She's definitely not deprived, my jobs don't take all day to do thankfully!

I have actually changed my approach over the past few weeks.

Generally in the evening I make dinner, and then DH and I will probably sit and watch tv for an hour or so before going to bed. Now I’ve changed that to multi tasking. The TV is still on (fortunately we have one in the kitchen) but I now stand watching it whilst doing something else. Last night I made a lasagne for dinner today plus a crumble. This means that this morning, rather than cooking I am able to do something else.

it’s definitely given me more time.

Oh for godsake that is terrible advice! I would seriously think about the people you give headspace too and whether they are good for you.

No one cares if your house is messy.

No one ever lay on their deathbed and wished the had kept a cleaner/tidier house.

Plenty of people look back on their lives and wish they had spent more time enjoying their family or even just making time for themselves.

No one worth knowing will judge you about your house. Those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter.

Relax, enjoy your family, have a sit down, the hoovering can wait.

It is pretty sexist really. Your average bloke who never sits down would be expected to be out playing sports, socialising, at the gym etc etc. Women are still socialised into feeling responsible for the state of the home and need to be constantly busy keeping on top of the house. Sod that!

My mum never sat down except for half hour at mealtimes. Clean house, car and everything tidy, laundry kept on top of, always food in. She had a part time job too and was worn out by the end of the day.

I think you can sit down but have to be strict at not sitting down for too long. Don't let a half hour break turn into 3hrs. I find social media doesn't help, it feels unfulfilling and like I didn't get a break if I've spent it scrolling. Reading a magazine or watching something on TV/YouTube for half hour feels more restful.

I agree with her, it’s why I’m able to sit down at 7.30pm though- because I don’t sit until my kids are asleep. If I started once they were asleep I’d be very disheartened with the amount and exhausted.

I never sat down when DC were small. I never ate or slept either. I was a manic bundle of nerves. I don't recommend it. If I had my time again I'd take to the sofa with the babies and leave the clearing up until DH had come home.

I struggle to sit down today! 1st I raised my kids, long story, then I was a carer for my mum who had terminal cancer, then was a carer for my dad with dementia, trying to relax, oh and I was still there for my 2 girls and grandkids, and I am now 65, exhausted and still finding ways to relax, not easy!!