How?!

[MamaSquealus]

Firstly, hi everyone! I'm new to MN (although I have been known to lurk) and I don't really know where to post this, so apologies if this is the wrong place!

But here goes...how do people keep on top of everything??

How on earth do you work full time, look after your kids, do the shopping, prepare and cook meals, keep the house clean, do the laundry and ironing, take care of any pets, keep the garden in check, clean the car, and stay on top of general house admin?...let alone manage to go to any appointments, spend time with your partner, or fit in any form of self care?!

This is a long term problem for me, I've never managed to stay on top of even half of what I need to for more than a couple of weeks at a time, and that's just by never sitting down, from the moment I wake up, to the second I go to bed, and barely sleeping...and then it all goes tits up again when I run out of steam and find myself unable to get off the sofa for the next three months.

Now I have a husband and a baby, and I'm even more useless! I'm on maternity leave atm, but I'll be back to work in a couple of months, and I'm terrified I'm just going to let everyone down even more. Despite all the extra time I have while I'm not at work, I just can't seem to figure out what the trick is, and constantly seem to forget (important) things or have to deal with one thing at the expense of another.

So, any advice would be greatly appreciated...I'm at my wits end!

Hi OP my DC are 7 and 5 and I'm still wondering the same.

I've accepted that we need some help so I've started getting someone to wash the car, help with the bigger gardening stuff and we've just restarted Gousto after a long break as I find it a chore deciding that we're eating every day and we do quite frequent supermarket visits.

I would ideally like a cleaner but I figure that tidying up for the cleaner might make life even more stressful and financially would be a bit of a stretch. I have just embarked on a big declutter as I figure it will help to clean with less 'stuff' lying around and then I will reassess.

Hiya @BammBamm, it's just never ending isn't it?!

Whilst I was pregnant the garden went a bit mental, so we paid to have it sorted out, and it was such a relief when it was done...DH was adamant that he'd be able to keep on top of it after that (I couldn't at the time, but I'm scared of everything crawley so wouldn't do it anyway)...but he was so busy with work that we're right back at square one, but he's not willing to get anyone in to sort it again as he thinks it was a waste of money

I may have to have a look at a service like Gousto...I do like the idea of not having to faff about thinking about what to eat every night, so that may be an idea.

Definitely agree regarding a cleaner, I'd get far too stressed, plus I'd feel guilty about the expense when I feel like I should be able to cope without one. Decluttering is a good plan, good luck! Tbf I'm quite ruthless when it comes to "stuff", but DH is a bit of a hoarder if I don't keep an eye on him. He's also not a great putter-awayer...

I fell the exact same! And I've realised you just don't. You wake up every day and you look after your kids and your husband, everyone is fed and happy and yes the house is a mess. Don't get me started on the pile of washing that never goes down or the skirtings that are needing a good scrub. I just feel like I'm running round in circles most days between work, dinners, washing. Although I never iron. I have a heated airer and it's the best thing I bought. I've decided now I'm going to try and let some stuff go as life is too short x

you have a partner, it is a lot easier if they pull their weight.

Thank you @Choosingtochange, it's nice to know I'm not on my own! I think that's probably the most realistic (and healthiest) view to take

I'd just really love to be one of those women who are groomed and stylish and manage to go to the gym and have a spotless home and don't just throw on clothes straight from the drying rack (we also have a heated airer, what a godsend!), and then I feel guilty because I'm 100% not one of those women, and I feel like I should be doing so much better for my family x

In my household...
It doesn't. Constantly feel like I'm chasing my tail.

In my household...
It doesn't. Constantly feel like I'm chasing my tail.

I've been wondering this a lot recently, I feel like my to do list never gets smaller just shifts in order. I always feel like I'm forgetting something as well.

I clean as I go- in the kitchen while cooking, in the bathroom while brushing teeth, in the living room while open curtains etc. I have really good storage so having a tidy house helps keep it clean. When Dd goes to bed Dh and I have our dinner then while he does the dishes I clean or hoover or tidy. Little and often cleaning seems to work for us. Then on Saturday morning I blitz the house for an hour cleaning, hoovering, change bedding etc. While dh does laundry, dusting etc.

Sometimes it feels like a waste of time as I’m the only one who is trying to keep on top of it. For the past 3 weeks I’ve been walking around picking up sweet wrappers from Heroes and Celebrations and there are only two possible culprits my husband (most likely!) or my daughter (least likely). Like if they can’t be bothered to even throw a wrapper in the bin how will I ever get anything else done, I despair.

I don't know but getting rid of LOADS of stuff helps.
For example a black bin liner full of teddies. Then excellent storage. Eg. Ikea trones. Kallax. Trofast.

Batch cook - so make 10 potions of curry. Freeze and next week spaghetti sauce. Then you have a big bank of stuff built up. The nights I don't have to cook I clean a bit and use microwave rice with the defrosted curry.

Car wash is 4 pound so I bring the kids and we sit and get that done. Grocery shopping- I go out late. Dh helps me put it away. He does the bins and garden and gets dc ready for bed. I do the story.

So, what does your husband do in all this?

Also I have semi permanent make up and just use a tan wipe so rarely need make up to look 'done'

Cleaner, childminder does wrap around including cooked meals for DC, DH who does half (so today I ordered the next batch of photos and online groceries whilst he sorted the last Xmas food and drink out into cupboards rather than the garage overflow!).

Most of my grocery shopping comes to me in a van. Even if it's just store cupboard stuff, that means a trip to the shops can be just for fresh stuff rather than trying to remember which aisle they moved the mayo to.

@Pegasussnail what is this tan wipe of which you speak?? I am now make up free but of the English rose (very pasty!) persuasion so love the possibility of a lazy healthy glow...

Am by no means on top of it all but some things that help:

• cleaner for 2 hours every other week
• online food delivery every other week
• compressed hours to get Friday afternoon off (which is then used for pets grooming, appointments, gym etc)
• meal plan including quick cook meals
• batch cook using slow cooker every couple of weeks so always a variety of freezer meals. Also try to prep once eat twice - eg make enough for lunch the next day
• one wash done a day religiously, dehumidifier to dry clothes quickly and then put away that night. Minimal ironing

My DP does his fair share. We don't clean the car other than occasionally do a drive through car wash and even rarer get the inside valeted. The garden is mostly laid to lawn, then patio and weed suppressing ground cover. We get a gardener to occasionally trim the hedges and sort out any issues with the trees.

We meal plan and do an online shop. Don't have any pets and never do any ironing. We clean the house as we go, it never gets that grim. I do focus on cleaning the bathrooms thoroughly each weekend. Decluttering definitely helps a lot. I freecycle, eBay and recycle whatever isn't needed.

I'm curious why you feel you're letting everyone down, when surely if you're somehow at fault (you're not btw) then your husband must be too?

Well, it is quite reassuring to see that I'm not the only one that feels this way!

DH does try to help, but he also works long hours on night shifts, and runs a business, so he has a limited amount of time at home and prioritises time with DS, which I fully support.

I think I feel like I'm at fault because DH works his arse off, on very little sleep, and has injured himself doing so but just keeps going...and I'm on mat leave but struggling to take care of the family and house. It just seems ridiculous 😳

Sack off ironing
Get a robot hoover
Accept two days a week is freezer shit for dinner

Thanks all for the tips! Clutter isn't too much of a concern...as I say, I'm quite brutal about getting rid of crap, so storage isn't in too short supply. My main issue around the house is getting through the actual cleaning and laundry...the garden is just hell, so I don't even know where to start with that. The cooking seems never ending! I did try batch cooking and freezing...but then DH never wanted any of it and so now I have a freezer full of unwanted meals...hmm, may have just spotted a problem there 😂

Does anyone else feel like they go through periods of being really on it, to then just having zero motivation even though you're stressing non stop about getting things done?

Your role on mat leave is to physically recover from birth and pregnancy, and then to look after your baby. Housework is a secondary issue that both adults in a household are responsible for. It's a waste of time bearing yourself up about what you think you should be doing around the house. Do what you can without getting yourself overtired and stressed. If your husband is already overworked and overtired to the point of harm then you don't need to join in with that.

Have you tried TOMM? Works really well for me after we moved to a bigger house and I found it hard to keep on top of cleaning. The basic premise is you clean for 30 mins each day and swap your rooms each day eg Monday is living room, Thursday kitchen etc. you stick to 30 mins which is manageable but because it’s every week gradually the room gets cleaner. Fridays is a more in-depth focus of a room so no need for deep cleaning.

Sounds complicated but it isn’t as the routine is so simple it takes all the thinking out of it, has made my life so much easier and the best thing is there’s no 30 mins at the weekend!

Just came on here to say about TOMM as the previous poster. I read about it on here then bought the books not long before Christmas. It's totally transformed my house, I don't feel guilty anymore and its freed up a lot of spare time. I put my planner on the fridge so everyone knows what needs done that day.

We have a big garden that would get out of control so we would get someone in to sort it out. Like you op it always ended up back at square one. We ended up barking it all and just putting out nice pots of flowers, outside furniture etc. Makes a massive difference and saves so much time.

Tesco delivery
Robot hover
Dishwasher
Different apps
Do one load of washing a day except weekends
Batch cooking except I don't freeze just use during the week.
DC help a lot with little things
Dh helps a lot every day
Slow cooker
These are what helps my house tick along.

For self care, I make sure I do at least half an hour every evening as part of my bedtime routine. It helps me wind down and get ready for bed.

Exercise I still need to find a way to fit that in. Looking at it next week.

It's all about balance for me so weekends are only for fun stuff.

Please don't be hard on yourself op, life is tough enough as it is and you have just had a baby 💐 it takes time to get into a routine that works for everyone and your house.

I think it's just about keeping on top of things and not ever letting things get too much out of hand easier said than done. I have a 3 year DD and have just started my MAT leave, am 40 weeks pregnant, waiting arrival of 2nd DC. He's 4 days overdue! My routine is when I wake up with DD:

Sort out her breakfast and whilst she's occupied, clean any plates etc, sweep up ( we have wood floors all downstairs) and generally make sure kitchen is tidy, put any washing(clothes away) and put on a new wash. All this takes approx 30 minutes maybe.

Then I'll try to do other bits and pieces each day to keep on top of everything, one day clean the bathroom etc.

I think that once everything is mainly clean and tidy, it's easier to keep on top of it.

Once she goes to bed, I try to make sure all her toys are tidied away and house is in a reasonable state otherwise everything can descend into chaos and become over whelming!