House full of clutter and toys

[Tiredmumclub]

I was just hoping to vent and maybe chat to someone else about this subject that's really affecting me. My house is of average size and I have two small children with a lot of toys.
I seem to have the most amount of laundry in the entire world for some reason. There is always toys everywhere and little tiny bits off of toys. Always dishes to wash up/ dishwasher to load and I work 40 hours a week. The house makes me so anxious but I can't seem to break the cycle of being perpetually tired after doing my 40 hours, making the dinner and doing the bed time routine. I just feel like absolute rubbish and totally overwhelmed so I end up leaving it. How does everyone do this? When I go to other peoples homes it's really clean and organised and they know where everything is, and there isn't mountains of washing in every room- what am I doing wrong. We wear the clothes we have and the kids play with the toys they own. If I have a clear out I'd be throwing things away that we use. Just don't know how I've ended up in such a state.

Oh this is me! Every word resonates and I actually had a massive cry about it on Christmas Day because I was just so overwhelmed. I think the absolutely only answer is to declutter. Massively declutter. I’ve started to get really ruthless and just get rid of as much as possible, working on one category at a time to help me focus (such as clothes). Then it’s a case of seeing where storage can be added in every available space.

I’ve got such a long way to go but I really have reached my limit of it and the chaos really affects me and my enjoyment of my children. I can’t focus on playing with them because I can see a visual ‘to-do’ list all around me.

Can you try and arrange some pockets of time without the children to power through some decluttering? I watch YouTube for inspiration too.

I think they've hidden it somewhere. I currently shut the door on a couple of rooms and avoid looking in on ds's as it's just too much to deal with. Rest of house looks a bit neglected but is generally fairly clear. It's only going to change if your dh and dc get onside. And that's a hard one. I've lowered my standards .... Don't see why it should fall on me.

Things that work for me:

Podcasts while I put away laundry makes it a pleasant chore

Set timer for 5 mins and walk around and pick up things for the bin/charity shop

Occasional day off while kids are at nursery to catch up and reset

@thebearandthemare yeah Christmas Day was just totally overwhelming for me too. It was suppose to be a happy day and I just was worrying the whole time and I find myself eager to get out of the house

@yomellamoHelly

I think they've hidden it somewhere. I currently shut the door on a couple of rooms and avoid looking in on ds's as it's just too much to deal with. Rest of house looks a bit neglected but is generally fairly clear. It's only going to change if your dh and dc get onside. And that's a hard one. I've lowered my standards .... Don't see why it should fall on me.

@yomellamoHelly I agree with this, why should it fall on me, but at the end of the day, it does still fall on me so all of stress does too. Therefore I feel like my own happiness and enjoyment of the house is left up to me. Even though I'd like someone else to take control for once

I think a lot of it is just part of life with small children and working tbh.

Can you break it down? Laundry - baskets for each bedroom and bathroom, put away as soon as dry (hang as much as you can) and only iron if needed. I tend to decide outfits for the week on a Sunday and only iron what needs to be ironed. A big box downstairs and in bedrooms for toys that just need to get off the floor, sort and tidy away properly once a week. Look at storage hiding solutions in ikea and similar.

The organised mum method is great for doing small chunks. I’ve let it slide due to poor mental health which is ridiculous because the state of the house is affecting my mental health.

I’m with you here except I’m a SAHM, well I run a small business but I don’t do much for it either. I’m not sure what I do do anymore, kids are 5,2 and 5 months. My house is a tip, I’m shattered and sleep when the kids do. 2 yr old has stopped naps and baby isn’t in a routine despite attempts. Anything I do get done is to a poor standard and the kids might have helped for a while but will then go and destroy another area of house. 😭

I feel your pain and I don't even have the excuse of young children anymore. So completely overwhelmed and live in perpetual fear of someone discovering my shameful secret

What I realised is that just because my DC did play with all their toys, didn’t mean they actually needed all those toys.
So I gave some to charity, sold some of the decent ones on eBay and I’m lucky that I have a garage, so I’ve boxed lots up and rotate them every few months. I’ve also got some stored under the stairs in a cupboard.
I explained to my older DC that by selling some I had enough money for soft play and other days out, so although he wasn’t very impressed he accepted it.
I only have out on the shelves and floor a few at a time. When they seem to have given up playing with them because they’re bored of them, I swap them over.
With clothes I’m really trying to buy less as they get older, it means washing more often but we live in a modern house and storage is rubbish, so no space for big wardrobes and drawers.

I work ft, 3 kids. I do a wash every single day and put away dry clothes while I run kids bath. I clean once a week on Friday night or sat morning, and do bins and beds/ towels at same time. Kids have boxes under their beds with toys in abs storage shelves in their rooms. I have one large curver box with cars in in the kitchen and one kitchen cupboard dedicated to school shite/ art and craft. The rest goes in their rooms ans we have a massive clear out twice a year every Xmas hol and summer hol. I am utterly ruthless with clothes abs toys that are too small or haven't seen the light of day in 6 months- they go. It really is the only way to keep on top of it

@SnugKnights you are so right and I know this although I think I have issues with being perceived as wasteful and having a quick turn around of toys.
I get really uncomfortable if I have to get rid of clothes and toys that I have bought new that aren't being used at all. I give a lot to charity shops I still feel as though it's hard for me to let go of things. For example the boys have so many T-shirts but I always say to myself why would I get rid of a T-shirt they could use it for painting- the way my mind works gets in the way a lot.

@coronafiona this! This is exactly what I aspire too! You sound so organised and I really think this is the key to being content and happy.
My brain feels like mush most days and the exhaustion really does get in the way.

Is your husband doing anything?

Omg I could have written this. In my case I work PT and continue to do so now my kids started school so I have 2 schooldays to sort the place out. If working FT I'd get a cleaner as done if my friends have. Echo pp decluttering essential.

Watch some Joshua Becker videos on minimalism. He is inspiring. He encourages you to find the right level of minimalism for you. So depending on your family/hobbies etc you'll have more or less of certain things. But it really gets you thinking about what you NEED.

Like I had loads of tshirts. I might wear all of them at some point but do I need that many? No, I can manage on way fewer and my drawers are nice and neat. We even managed to get rid of a wardrobe, freeing up space in our room, and I don't miss anything.

DC grow so quickly that there's no need to have loads of clothes for them either. Just keep 1 tshirt for painting. Or put an apron on them.

Clear storage crates with lids. Once in and lidded, things can't wander off. When everything is stored, it soon becomes obvious what you hardly ever use, and can get rid of.

That feeling of overwhelm is so horribly suffocating.

Do you have space in your house to store things? Can you put half the toys away for a month, then swap over?

And with clothes, small children really only need a few changes of outfit. More than that could go to charity, and when they go up a side, DON’T BUY SO MUCH!

If you have less stuff, you’ll have less to do.

I looked at the Organised Mum method and came over all faint but I now use the app Tody which is similar in intent but much more easily personalised.
I tick off things DH did without bothering to tell him (and the cleaner too).
WRT Christmas Day we keep back about 2/3 of the presents for the following two days.

I agree with the organisation tips above. Decluttering can seem an insurmountable hurdle but there is a lovely thread on here to declutter just one item a day - it takes a while to see the difference but after a couple of months I am starting to notice the difference and be able to pick things up and put them away - having a place for everything does make a difference.

@InvincibleInvisibility thank you for the advice I will definitely look at that! X

You're not one OP, I share your stress. I also have a severely ill DP I have to care for when I'm out of work and long after DC is in bed who likes to buy things online we don't have the space for.

It's amazing how your environment can affect MH and physical clutter translates into mental clutter, isn't it?

@Helpstopthepain

The organised mum method is great for doing small chunks. I’ve let it slide due to poor mental health which is ridiculous because the state of the house is affecting my mental health.

I find this is the vicious cycle that I get into too. You aren't alone in that!

@birdglasspen
Wow you have so much on your plate. It's natural to me to advise you to be kind to yourself and it's exact what I struggle with myself.
Things will get easier!
I feel the same way about doing things but not even to a standard I'm happy with. Sometimes just going through the motion of loading the dishwasher and then turning round to see slime and play doh on the carpet feels flipping pointless.
As everyone would tell you- take it easy and sleep whenever you can xxxxx

It actually puts you off even starting such a nightmare