How do people find the time to get organised?

[PoloPrincess]

I've been feeling overwhelmed for months by the shear amount of stuff I have to do on a daily basis. I am a working mum and I feel completely exhausted at the end of the day that I rarely sit down and get any me time, let alone have a nice relaxing bath (a rare luxury).
My day consists of the following routine:
Get up 0530.
Quick bath because the showers not working.
Feed the animals.
Make everyone's lunch.
Feed remaining animals.
Wake DS up for school.
Feed DS.
Empty and reload dishwasher.
Grab some breakfast and eat while loading up car or sometimes take breakfast with me on the school run.
Drive to school.
Work during school hours.
Pick DS up and go to the park.

Drive home.
Feed animals.
Cook tea for all of us.
Eat tea.
Homework.
Clean up kitchen.
Iron the next day's clothes.
DS bath.
Supper.
Bed.

And that's it. Where the hell do people find the time to be ultra organised? To have a clean home, a wardrobe that's organised with clothes actually hanging up and not in the washing basket. The house isn't a tip but it never gets a regular dust or vacuum.
The weekends are virtually the same. Football on Saturday's and Sunday's and I might find time late afternoon to do the grocery shopping. We visit family or have an afternoon out with DS. DP has a hard physical job and he tries to help by occasionally loading the dishwasher and putting the bins out and only because I had a melt down at him.
I'd like the idea of batch cooking on a Sunday and I bought a couple of books about this but I've not had time to read them. Also there's no bloody time to do extra cooking on a Sunday unless I get up at 3am.
I feel like I'm existing and not living. I'm knackered and I mean absolutely exhausted. I know I'm not eating properly and rarely find the time to exercise which I live doing, running, cycling, swimming and team sports. I yearn to sit and read for an hour or potter about in the garden. I used to love sewing and dressmaking but that's all on the back-burner.
What am I doing wrong?

The main thing I'd say you were doing wrong is accepting your DP's shit excuse for not doing his share! He should be doing half regardless of how physical his job is. If your kids are older than toddlers they should be helping with chores, feeding the animals is definitely something they could do. Click and collect or delivery would mean not having to go for a food shop (this is a good job for DP as he can sit on his arse on his phone and order it). Also, get your shower fixed!

I don’t iron, we have a cleaner & DH does half the cooking and household chores.

We have a delivery pass so one of us will meal plan, the other does the food shop order & we cook extra so we can have easy to reheat things once or twice a week.

We have a little hanging rack with compartments for DS’ things that he needs per day, so we sort that on a Sunday & then just need to pack his bag each night which takes 2 mins.

Can your DS have school lunches instead?

The main takeaway is that your DP needs to do much more.

I think it's easy to get drawn into the idea that there isn't any time, but sometimes being more organised saves a bit of time. But your DH needs to take on more of the boring stuff.
What does he do while DS is at football at the weekend? Could he take him to football while you iron all the clothes for the week ahead or vice versa, saving you one chore each night? Could the parent at football place an online click and collect order while at the football to pick up the next day and meal plan for the week?

What's wrong with the shower? Spending 10 minutes phoning a plumber will resolve that (although it does mean one of you will have to be working at home/taking some time off to let him in)

Can DS feed any of the animals in the morning/after school? Is there any scope for exercise while DS is in the park after school, or could you go for a run while he scoots next to you if there's a suitable area near you?

Can you make lunches the night before, while making dinner so that's one less job in the morning, or even make 5 ham and cheese sandwiches/rolls at the weekend, put them in the freezer and just get one out each day, plus have a basket with all the extra lunch bits so it's just a case of throwing them in a lunchbox, DS might enjoy putting his own lunch together like that

I think the most important thing is equal downtime for you and DH, he doesn't get to check out of any of the boring stuff because he's a bit tired, that's life and it doesn't get you of running the hoover round or cleaning a bathroom

1. My DH does his share
2. We don’t have any animals.

That’s quite a few hours freed up for me each week just there!

Well it’s clear where the problem is . DH needs to do moto help . What ironing do you do ? Husband do the foot trips, some housework at weekends. Husband or son help with animal care .
You need an equal Amy of free/ chill time !

Dh helps
No animals taking time ( just 2 cats)

My DH does his share
We have online shopping deliveries
I iron once a week and then only essentials (while DH takes the kids swimming)
We have a cleaner
I do a deep clean only when I have time off

Get shopping delivered. Don't iron. School lunches. Easy snacks available like cheese and apples. Five sets of school uniform ready on Sunday night. Easy dinners... pasta and a ready-made sauce, freezer stuff fishfingers beans and chips etc. Working full time with small children is just about survival.

How many animals do you have?

Iron in one go at the weekend. Watch TV at the same time.
One at football other does the shop.
Get a cleaner.
Take a day off abs blitz the whole house and organise a plumber to come the same day.

Oh I feel for you - that sounds overwhelming. My life can feel a little bit the same - we have pets, children, a business and demands on my time are insane. These are the biggies that shout out from your list:

DP - he may have a physical job, but he also still has a house and a child. Get him to take over particular jobs such as laundry or making DS lunches or cleaning bathrooms. It's not on that he does nothing while you run yourself ragged
How old is DS? Can you give him a couple of jobs such as feeding the animals, unloading the dishwasher, helping with dinner?
Your son doesn't need to go to the park every day, nor does he need a bath every day.
Get the shower fixed - you'll use less time in the morning OR swap it for a bath in the evening
Make lunches the night before while you're prepping dinner
Make enough dinner for you to have leftovers the following day for lunch if you're not eating properly.
Switch to online food shopping order so it's one less thing to do at a weekend? Can you use your lunch break at work so you can meal plan/think in peace?
Weekends - why don't you and DP alternate weekends where he takes your son to both sessions and you get a lie in, time to read a book and sort ironing while watching a boxset. Then on his weekend, he can sort the ironing? Or, he does Sat and you do Sun, and swap the following week.
Also, have weekends where you go nowhere and do nothing. You don't need to take DS out or see family every weekend, you're just getting exhausted. DS will love a PJ afternoon with a movie and you can catch your breath instead of exhausting yourself ahead of the new week. Factor in time to read your book - it is doable, I promise.

I'm useless at putting myself first, but everyone benefits if you factor in your needs as well as everyone else's.

We don't have animals and I shower at night.
Batch cooking 100percent changes the game. So Monday night when I cooked a curry I made 4 portions extra For the freezer so next week that's a night free (I use the microwave rice pouches occasionally too)

On that night then I have an extra bit of time to do a small job.

We don't go to the park after school it's straight home for homework and then I chuck them into the garden for a bit

I think you are hard on yourself- you are doing a lot alone and 5 30 is a very early start though I appreciate uts different with so many animals.

What are you ironing? Lots of clothes don’t need ironing if you have a dryer or hang them up to dry straight onto a hanger.
Delegate some tasks to dh and ds likefeeding animals, dishwasher and doing the packed lunches night before. And be strict about it.

I don't know op. There is thread after thread on here (usually in sahp threads!) which give the impression that being a working mother is perfectly do-able and life admin and house-keeping take up no time at all. I have never found this to be the case, especially since my dd did an extra curricular activity very seriously which involved late nights and weekend competitions. I just didn't cope and only worked three days a week.

It is obvious your dh has to do more though! Show him this thread! Or at least show him the list that you wrote in your op.

How old is DC? Can you move onto school lunches / get DH to do them? You could us that time to put something in a slow cooker / prep dinner instead.

Ditch a bath everyday for you and DS - wipe down with flannel every other day is usually fine unless very stinky!

Definitely get DH to be part of the team!!!! He doesn't get a free pass as what you're doing sounds exhausting too!!

DC if old enough to do homework should be helping too.

Try to iron everything at the weekend / in one evening. We only really do school shirts everything else is easy iron / no iron!

@TheGrumpyGoat

1) My DH does his share 2) We don’t have any animals.

That’s quite a few hours freed up for me each week just there!

I was going to say the exact same thing.

You need to divide up the chores between you. If the DC have football, one of you takes them there, the other one does housework.

Sorry meant to say below that I reduced down to working 3 days a week for that reason.

I’m the same. 3 kids under 5 and absolutely no time to do anything other than the essentials and that’s without me getting any relaxation time. It’s literally non stop from when I get up until I go to bed (and then up multiple times on night with baby). The people I know who are really organized have either only one child, paid help or a lot of family support

How many animals do you have??

It looks like you spend 3 hours in the morning just to get ready, feed animals and make lunches. Can you cut that down and sleep a bit later?

DH needs to do more
You don't need the park everyday
Ring plumber

While it is obvious that your DP should be doing his share of the housework, this is the demands of many lone parents every single day of the year.
I work full time and I do all the housework/ mental planning for everything from birthdays/ homework/ holidays the lot. No one else takes my bins out ever.
It’s all down to planning and preparing.
5 of all school uniforms, never iron anything, yea my dc go to school I’n creased shirts (that are not creased by the time they get there)
Packed lunches made in the evening, dinner from freezer, always make two when cooking or ready made/ pizza etc.
Shop for food while DC do their sports. I’d like to watch but use the time( I don’t like online food shopping)
Housework little and often, Decluttering is your friend here, less stuff, less time to clean/ move/ tidy.
Buy cards and presents early for DC friends/ family.
No money here for a cleaner but pay someone to cut the grass.
I can only cope when things tick along, a broken shower could possibly send me over the edge for a few days but would make the time to get it fixed.
Nothing and I mean nothing has to be perfect, don’t make your standards what you think others would be.

School dinners
Less animals
Minimum ironing
Online food shopping
Don't go to the park so often
Get a cleaner
Sneak chores in whilst working
Don't bath children every day
Read Organised Mum,Flylady , Declutter Dollies etc and pick out what's helpful for you
Spend on good storage
Get tough with husband !

How old is ds?
Get your dp to “make everyone’s lunch”
Do you really need a bath every morning?
How many / what animals do you have?
Don’t need to iron everything
Does DS need a bath every evening? I had a bath once a week when I was a child (pre-teen)

Well it definitely sounds like DH could do more for a start.

How old is DS? If very little then he shouldn't need a bath every day. If older then he could do a couple of chores.

Ironing daily? Sod that. Most things don't need it. Definitely not school uniform. I have a couple of tops and dresses that need ironing. 10 minutes once a week tops.

Could DS have school dinners?

When you cool dinner, anything in a sauce (curry, spag bol, stew etc) it takes barely any extra time to make double, so that saves you having to cook every night.

Do you need to go to the park so often?

(I'm good at talking about this but in reality I'm in the same boat and never feel like I've got any time!)

The main difference for me is my DP does a lot more.

DP needs to do more, eg one of you cleans the kitchen while the other baths DC, one of you makes lunches while the other gets DC up and dressed etc.

In terms of football, does it need to be both weekend days? We always have one clear day at the weekend to visit folk, catch up on chores or have a pj day, there needs to b some wiggle room in our lives.

Do an online shopping, when you’re making meals (spaghetti Bol, chilli, casserole type stuff) make double and freeze, you’ll soon build a freezer store of meals, same with soup - make a huge pot and use for dinner with a toastie or sandwich.

Keep things really simple, I find ironing once a week takes an hour or so, doing it daily meant things never got put away in drawers, the iron and ironing board were always kicking about and always looked a mess. Doing one lot a week meant everything was ironed and ready, I didn’t have an ironing pile and rooms looked tidier.

It’s a juggle but you need to tackle it as a team.

If you're managing to feed, clothe and clean yourself and your child each day and keep the house in a presentable state then you ARE probably organised. You're doing it. You're running a house. But it does seem really strange to me that you're struggling to find any free time to relax with one child and him being in school. I agree with others that your major problem is your partner not contributing his share. Why is he just chipping in with a bit of 'help' when pushed? Why isn't he making the lunches, getting DS up, sorting the animals, or batch cooking? Batch cooking doesn't have to mean reading new recipe books and doing a specific cooking session. You can just make meals that work well for batch cooking and double or quadruple the amount you make each time you cook then chuck the rest in the freezer. Don't overcomplicate things.

How are things financially? We are very fortunate to employ a cleaner, she comes for two or three hours once per fortnight which tots up to around £70 per month. For us it's well worth it knowing that the house gets a total proper clean/reset every fortnight, we never have to faff cleaning bathrooms properly, and even if it's a mess we do some tidying/cleaning but ultimately know it'll be sorted in a few days time when she comes. Not everyone can find £70 per month spare of course, that's a lot of money in many households, but for us the equivalent of finding £15 per week for the mental benefit of a cleaner is totally worth it and doable. Before the cleaner we'd do it where one of us was watching/with DS while the other cleaned.

How old is DS? You can get him involved in contributing to the household. He can put clothes away. Do all kinds of chores. You can cut down on making lunch daily and make a few days at once and stick in the fridge if it's stuff that isn't a sandwich, I've known people to pre make peanut butter sandwiches and stick them, whole, in the freezer though I've never tried that! You might need to knock football on BOTH weekend days on the head, one is plenty. That leaves you very little actual free weekend time to relax and it becomes like just another job.