Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

How do people find the time to get organised?

62 replies

PoloPrincess · 29/09/2021 08:21

I've been feeling overwhelmed for months by the shear amount of stuff I have to do on a daily basis. I am a working mum and I feel completely exhausted at the end of the day that I rarely sit down and get any me time, let alone have a nice relaxing bath (a rare luxury).
My day consists of the following routine:
Get up 0530.
Quick bath because the showers not working.
Feed the animals.
Make everyone's lunch.
Feed remaining animals.
Wake DS up for school.
Feed DS.
Empty and reload dishwasher.
Grab some breakfast and eat while loading up car or sometimes take breakfast with me on the school run.
Drive to school.
Work during school hours.
Pick DS up and go to the park.

Drive home.
Feed animals.
Cook tea for all of us.
Eat tea.
Homework.
Clean up kitchen.
Iron the next day's clothes.
DS bath.
Supper.
Bed.

And that's it. Where the hell do people find the time to be ultra organised? To have a clean home, a wardrobe that's organised with clothes actually hanging up and not in the washing basket. The house isn't a tip but it never gets a regular dust or vacuum.
The weekends are virtually the same. Football on Saturday's and Sunday's and I might find time late afternoon to do the grocery shopping. We visit family or have an afternoon out with DS. DP has a hard physical job and he tries to help by occasionally loading the dishwasher and putting the bins out and only because I had a melt down at him.
I'd like the idea of batch cooking on a Sunday and I bought a couple of books about this but I've not had time to read them. Also there's no bloody time to do extra cooking on a Sunday unless I get up at 3am.
I feel like I'm existing and not living. I'm knackered and I mean absolutely exhausted. I know I'm not eating properly and rarely find the time to exercise which I live doing, running, cycling, swimming and team sports. I yearn to sit and read for an hour or potter about in the garden. I used to love sewing and dressmaking but that's all on the back-burner.
What am I doing wrong?

OP posts:
SoyLatte2Shots · 29/09/2021 12:07

Also what time do you go to bed? DS is in bed for 630pm (joys of a toddler!) so I have the evening totally free to do whatever I fancy, go on the exercise bike, see friends or whatever. But going to bed at a decent time is absolutely crucial, if you're staying up late you'll be knackered and the day will feel so much harder. Can you try going to bed early a few nights per week?

julieca · 29/09/2021 12:12

I do find getting into habits helps keep places tidier. So we all take off shoes and coats and hang them inside the front door. All plates and cups have to be in the kitchen before going to bed and DP stacks the dishwasher. All dirty clothes in the laundry basket and DP washes clothes. It is all little things, but helps.

rhubarb84 · 29/09/2021 12:19

I'd agree with much of what others have said.

I think these days there's a lot of pressure to entertain children - take them places, do trips, activities etc. But all that has a huge time cost for parents. And actually I think it's good for children to have to entertain themselves. So I don't feel guilty about just coming home from school and leaving my children to their own devices. Again, sometimes we'll go out and do something together at the weekend, but often we don't.

School lunches if you can.
I don't insist all the homework gets done.
Baths as needed.
No ironing.

Froppysue · 29/09/2021 12:24

I’m never able to batch cook but I do tend to make more at a time and freeze half, so if I’m making a stew I’ll make double, same with bolognaise etc, doesn’t take any extra time but it leaves a couple of days a week when all I have to do is reheat. Freezer bags of stuff I can shove in the slow cooker help too.
If you have a night where you’ve used leftovers, the extra time could be spend ironing a eeeks worth of uniform so you have that little extra time each night.
Do you have to visit family every weekend, could dh do football some weekends, take turn about?
Are dc old enough to help with the dishwasher unloading, have you spoken to dh about how overwhelmed you feel and you need more help from him?
Some nights you may need to just say fuck it, leave the work to your dh and take yourself off for a nice long bath.

ProfessorPeach · 29/09/2021 12:28

Yet you have time to post a long post on Mumsnet?

JustAReflektor · 29/09/2021 12:29

A couple of people have mentioned that football doesn't need to be both days. Thay might well not be the case. My DS plays football for a team, that means training every Saturday and a match most Sundays. It's a big tie. But on a 2 parent household no reason one can't go whilst the other gets some chores done (or has some downtime!)

namechange30455 · 29/09/2021 12:56

Your partner needs to do more. Including having DS solo for a few hours each weekend so you can do some batch cooking and have some downtime.

Can he do lunches, clean kitchen and dishwasher while you do DS bath and bedtime, or vice versa? What is he doing while you do all that?

FluffyWhiteBird · 29/09/2021 12:56

It needs to become part of life not a separate thing. It's your weekends that's the problem. If you prioritize the chores then you can relax in a clean and tidy home or do fun stuff guilt free. Family visiting/days out every weekend is unrealistic, as is football both days unless your DS is capable of taking himself off to the park to do it without supervision. Basically everyone else in your household is getting to do their version of fun stuff and it's only you who is missing out. You run round after them all week doing chores then weekends facilitating their fun. You're not a servant you're part of this family. They need to pull their weight with chores and start considering what you need on weekends, which might be a day at home Sunday resting sometimes.

Firstly your DP job doesn't mean he gets to do less housework or childcare, you're tired too. Both of you need to tackle the house eg Saturday morning for a few hours, clean it top to bottom. Not a spring-clean moving-furniture and cleaning windows type thing, for that you both need a day annual leave. Just a regular clean: bathroom, kitchen, vaccum carpets, mop floors, change bedding and towels, dusting, stair rails and door knobs. Should take a couple hours with two doing it. Also the ironing and food shop for the week, another few hours maybe.

The rest of the week don't touch it unless proper filthy. You can clean/tidy a bit while waiting for the kettle to boil.

Everyone needs to get into the habit of putting things where they belong, as soon as they've finished with it, no dumping it wherever and leaving it for you until later. So homework with school books not spread all over, coats on hooks by door, shoes by door, washing in the laundry basket, toys in toy box, hobby stuff packed away, half read book and magazines on the coffee table etc. If you do this consistently there'll be almost no tidying needed before the weekend clean starts.

Everyone needs to rinse the bath down quickly after they've used it so the scum ring doesn't need dealing with until the weekend clean. Everyone needs to scoop their crumbs into the bin before eating the food they've just made or it won't get done and bring their dishes to the kitchen straight after eating, with any rubbish going straight into the bin, nothing left stacked on the side covered in food and wrapping for you to deal with.

In future try to purchase clothes which don't need ironing. Don't iron bed sheets etc.

Find the hour or half hour cycle on your washing machine. Put a wash load on in the morning every time there is one and hang to dry all day while you're out, put away on your return. Anything needing a longer or hotter wash can be done at the weekend.

namechange30455 · 29/09/2021 12:57

Also I'm guessing from the fact DS plays football and has regular homework that he's at least 6 or so. Can he help too?

YupIFreakilyHave · 29/09/2021 18:17

Sounds like you're taking on all the burden yourself.

DP needs to do his fair share of the housework inc making his own lunch ffs. In fact, get him to make lunches for everyone. Take it in turns to do bath, story and bed while the other one tidies up downstairs. Take it in turns to cook or ask him to help prep while you cook. Same with homework: take it in turns.

You need to have a serious chat with DP. Good luck.

PoloPrincess · 30/09/2021 09:06

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. It's reassuring that I'm not on my own. I've just read the messages and I think the general consensus is that my DP is a lazy so and so, so I've got my work cut out out to get him to do more around the home.
I've definitely made a rod for my own back here, I thought I could be the perfect working mum with a wonderful tidy, clean home. In reality everything is just a mess.
I'm going to make lists, pink jobs and blue jobs, stuff that I do on a daily basis and then delegate. It's a start.

OP posts:
Snowdropsandbluebells · 30/09/2021 09:57

Let is know how you get on Flowers
It is good to recognise you are taking on too much on your own.

FluffyWhiteBird · 30/09/2021 13:52

I think going for a minimalist look helps a lot too. Thinking about my tidy friend, she has a toddler and her flat is like a show home. She doesn't have any excess stuff. Ordinary amount of furniture. No shelves with ornaments on. Her living room is two sofas, coffee table, rug, TV unit and TV. That's it. No piles of stuff on the floor. No cupboard units with stuff on top. Children's toys in boxes in their bedroom, regularly decluttered. Phone, laptop, computer, bookcase in the adults bedroom. Clothes washed, dried and put straight back in the wardrobes/drawers. Washing up always done, dried and put away. No beauty hoard in the bathroom just basics round the edge of the bathtub, a makeup bag and a shelf unit with towels. Visiting her makes me so aware of how much stuff I own, pushed in piles to the side of the room, stacked on units bought to house more stuff, displayed to excess on crammed shelves. Most of it I don't touch or even notice on a weekly basis. I've never considered before whether I really need it. Looking at my friend's place I can see it would take 5min max to tidy up before bed. I'd say she could clean the whole place in an hour just by herself. So maybe owning less stuff is the answer to some of this situation, especially if you're always out.

julieca · 30/09/2021 13:54

No ornaments at all and just minimal stuff sounds depressing though. We are decorating our living room at the moment so have moved everything out except furniture and TV, so yes easy to keep tidy, but bare and depressing.

FluffyWhiteBird · 30/09/2021 14:19

Is it @julieca ? My friend's place doesn't look depressing. Maybe I depends how much time you spend at home? Or the home itself? My friend is like OP, always out at the park or the café, or working. If she's home she's eating, relaxing with a book, TV or the internet, or chatting with friends. It feels peaceful there, not depressing. I've been looking at tiny house living, which is obviously extreme, but it's made me realize how much stuff we collect without thinking about it, just because we have the space. In a tiny house there's no room for anything that isn't necessary or being used. Maybe it depends on us? I guess we're all different in what we find awful or admirable.

TheGrumpyGoat · 30/09/2021 14:44

@julieca

No ornaments at all and just minimal stuff sounds depressing though. We are decorating our living room at the moment so have moved everything out except furniture and TV, so yes easy to keep tidy, but bare and depressing.
I don’t like ornaments or nick nacks. I find minimalism peaceful and calming. Too much stuff stresses me out. The fact that it’s easier to keep clean and tidy is a bonus.
Caspianberg · 30/09/2021 15:11

Our house is fairly minimal, but it isn’t bare with no character. We have paintings, photos and mirrors on the walls, rooms have useful accessories like nice lamps and rugs. Some large plants. But we don’t have ornaments or nicknacks so surfaces are clear.

TheGrumpyGoat · 30/09/2021 15:18

@Caspianberg

Our house is fairly minimal, but it isn’t bare with no character. We have paintings, photos and mirrors on the walls, rooms have useful accessories like nice lamps and rugs. Some large plants. But we don’t have ornaments or nicknacks so surfaces are clear.
Yes, this describes my house too. I have pictures and mirrors on walls, shelves, house plants, lamps, colour. But surfaces are clear, and everything has a home. Things aren’t left lying around.
julieca · 30/09/2021 17:24

Everything has a place in my house and it is kept tidy. But I love interesting nick nacks.

TheGrumpyGoat · 30/09/2021 17:28

Well we’re all different! I was just saying that minimal doesn’t have to mean characterless and depressing.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 30/09/2021 20:19

Don't call them pink jobs and blue jobs, if he was single he would be doing all the jobs. Just make a list of what needs doing and he needs to do some, physical job or not.

Also do you do everything "together" on weekends? Usually called family time but actually means the bloke never spends one on one time with their child. How about this weekend you don't do any of the football runs and you skip seeing family just once and not just for the possibility of sorting out the house but also just getting some time to yourself.

Food shopping wise try click and collect or get a delivery. I had a Tesco delivery for about 7 years, same slot every Friday and usually same delivery driver. I had young children and am partially disabled.

Ragwort · 30/09/2021 20:27

What are all the animals you have? Why do you need to have so many?

And yes, your DH sounds lazy.

DemBonesDemBones · 30/09/2021 21:14

4 kids here. I have a husband that pulls his weight and I don't iron anything at all ever.

Starseeking · 30/09/2021 21:54

Things that make my life much much more manageable, as I have a senior level job and am a single parent:

Cleaner (who also irons)
Batch cooking at weekends
School dinners for the DC
Gardener
Online shopping
Childcare support (my parents are the best)

Oh and your DP needs to do his fair share, if he did, you'd not feel half as run ragged as you do now. He "occasionally tries to help by loading the dishwasher because you had a meltdown". That's not good, and he'd soon find out how to "help" himself if he lived on his own.

I don't have a DP anymore, as my EX behaved in exactly the same way as yours, and I eventually got tired of mothering 3 DC, despite only having given birth to 2!

WonderingFree · 30/09/2021 23:20

I read your OP and you are doing everything, looking after everyone including animals and felt exhausted for you.