Daily help in the home

[Bekind2yourself]

This is my first post so not sure if I am in the right place.

Genuinely asking if this is a reasonable request so please no trolling.

I work full time and have always taken on all the domestic responsibilities. I am now perimenopausal (ie have absolutely no energy due to hormones/insomnia). My DH works hard and we live a comfortable life due to his income but he does very little about the house (limited to dishwasher/feeds the dogs).

I don’t want to get a divorce because he doesn’t do his share but I’m also sick of doing it all. Even if I wasn’t exhausted quite frankly I’ve had enough. We have a teenage dc so I still have enough school related admin/running about etc;

Having a weekly cleaner doesn’t cover half of it. So would it be reasonable to have someone come in on a daily basis to do the following:

• laundry (hang out/fold/put away)
• prepare light supper
• empty dishwasher
• wipe over kitchen
• general tidy
• sweep floors/ hoover stairs
• wipe over bathrooms
• walk dogs

(Basically what I do daily)

Then have a weekly cleaner.

I live in a semi rural location.

Does anyone else have help like this? Is it a reasonable expectation or am I taking the mickey? Genuine question. So please be kind.

I am not looking for tips or advice on my marriage, HRT or how to manage the housework

THANKS 🙏

I bet there would be lots of people who would do this for you. I'm thinking if it fits around school hours there would be plenty of applicants.
We used to have a lady to come to our home and do this for 3 hours a day. She was amazing and it made life so much smoother.

Absolutely do it if you can afford it.
You know things are taken care of and it gives someone a job.

Thanks - that’s good to know. As it’s not a normal cleaner I was concerned people wouldn’t want to do the extra things. It could absolutely fit in around school hours.

If you don’t mind me asking what do you think a reasonable hourly rate would be? The same as a regular cleaner? I don’t want to under pay. Also, is this the sort of thing an agency would be interested in or should I just put an advert in the village shop?

Sorry for all the questions 😆

Round here (not rural - Essex) that role is called a housekeeper and generally people just have a housekeeper and not a cleaner, but the rate of pay is a bit higher than a cleaner.

Thanks - that’s good to know. Yes, perhaps it’s a housekeeper I need instead.

My dad has similar and has 10 hours a week over 3 days,Mon,Weds, Friday. Works well.

If you can afford it, why not?

Think you might have to outsource the dog walking to a proper dog walker.

Yes if you can afford it do it.
Just pay the person properly.

I'm menopausal & don't work, still struggling. Get all the help you can get.

Absolutely if you can afford it

Agree that this is more of a housekeeper role, but a cleaner may well be interested in it. If it is regular hours, acceptable travel distance etc. You could also include errands eg returns to a shop, collections, putting away an online grocery shop, posting things etc.

The only negative for me would be having someone in my home that often. I have cleaners every other week and I go out to avoid them

After our cleaner/housekeeper retired in lockdown (she'd been with us 10 years) we recently advertised for a new one and got loads of interest (v small market type town). Ours does everything except cook, and not normally dog walking though she obv lets them in and out and would happily walk them if necessary. We have two sessions a week, one which is more about cleaning, the other more about tidying/beds/laundry/ironing (but obv does a quick whizz over everywhere) but thats just our preference.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor
I was wondering about three days a week. It’s just the dog hair 😣 That’s a good point about a dog walker.

@Itsbeen84yearss
Hopefully 🤞

@Coffeeonmytoffee
I absolutely will pay properly! That’s important to me. I’d rather have fewer hours covered than pay less if it comes to it

@Wombat96
It sucks doesn’t it? I’ve always been very capable but find everything quite overwhelming right now. Hope you’re managing ok.

@WellTidy
That’s a really good point. Things like errands and putting online groceries away all take time

@Myfilterisbroken
It’s a good point but think I could put up with it to get the help. Tbh I’ll mainly be in my home office working. I work for myself though so if it is too much I can always go and work from a coffee shop some of the time.

Thanks everyone for your input. I really appreciate the advice and points you make

Oh, and I'd never use an agency, I want the same person all the time so they get to know us and where everything is, and they are empowered to say 'the sitting room blinds need cleaning, so I'll do them next week' without me having to think about it

@CMOTDibbler

This is so reassuring to know there are people out there willing to do this.

Ah yes - beds too. My list is getting longer 😂

I was going to outsource the ironing but perhaps if I go the housekeeping route I’ll add that to the list. Thanks

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Think you might have to outsource the dog walking to a proper dog walker.

I agree A dog walker should be fully insured and experienced

@Hoppinggreen @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Yes - this is a very good point which I hadn’t considered

I have just started having someone come in once a week for a few hours to do ironing, laundry and general tidy up. The person I use does an hourly rate service so I can just get someone to come on a one off to do these things or anything I want- unload dishwasher, put toys away etc. I have a cleaner once a week too. Literally feel so much better after she has been, it's helping my mental health and mental load as well. Really recommend it.

The woman who comes to help me clean the holiday let does this for someone who had a nasty fall and broke their wrist. I think she charges her normal rate £12 quid an hour. She walks the dog, laundry, puts away shop, meal prep etc. She is dog friendly. I think you could just buy dog walking insurance for 80 quid a year or 8 quid a month if you found the right person.

I'd agree with a PP that this is something school mums might be interested in if you could fit it between school runs.

I think it’s absolutely fine if you can afford it. All of those things fit into a ‘housekeeper’ role except walking the dog. So id either enlist a dog Walker for that that, get the teen DC to do it or you may find without the rest of the crap to do you quite enjoy a little walk each day.

I would LOVE this. I also wish people would advertise their services to do this as one offs too. As I could sometimes just do with an extra pair of hands in the house as I try to get things straight (divorcing lazy STBXH)

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate your help.

I think it's a great idea op, but you have to be quite well off. The hourly pay adds up massively over weeks/months/years. Work those sums out before you go for it. We had to diminish the amount of help we had over the pandemic and the difference it has made to our wallets is huge!

For daily work you should probably pay a proper salary rather than hourly but be careful because all the tax and insurance has to be sorted. Probably best to go through an agency so you are not employing directly then you can be more flexible if it doesn't work out. I reckon four days a week would be enough if there are only 3 of you in the house. Always better to go by personal recommendation of agency and or particular candidate so ask around.

I sympathise because my dh works hard but doesn't do much in the house but I work varied pt hours, one week almost ft and another week less. Also suffering from menopausal fatigue! Your post has made me feel better because I also have teens at home and can't keep up with everything! Good luck